I am a nudist at heart
Seeking for spiritual freedom -
Masked by social restrictions
Coffined in a jar of expectations
Buried under the dust of norms.

I let the day go by
Nobody knows me
I lay here still,
The world is moving
The stars are so high
The ground too low
And I am somewhere
In between
I have so much space
And too little time
Here, I am -
But what is mine?

To the poet
Who writes for her -
Your words deceive me
Then destroy me with an endless longing.
I wish I was her,
For she inspires you
The way I only wish I could.
You write to love her
I write because I'm selfish.
Because it's the only way for my self-preservation,
Because if I don't hold a pen
I would hold a blade.
You write to impress her
I write to express my helplessness.
Your poems liberate you,
Mine suffocate me even more-
Pushing me deeper into the longing...
Forcing me to question -
How the heck have I been enduring
All this within me, without you?

I have some secret feelings
Which only I can feel
Which only I have known
And no matter how much something
relates, they won't ever be same
But I cannot write saddest lines like Neruda
nor can I get drunk like Bukowski
with these feelings of mine
They know no words
But they are master of silent dark tortures
Which only I know
When the night engulfs me whole
I shine with inhibitions
They dance over my skins like cataract
And I drown with condemn for myself
I get burnt under water and buried above clouds
And only I can feel it
No matter how deep I hide, these will never leave me
And I know this because I have tried
I sit beside window
My secret feeling glancing at me from moon
from stars, from clouds
and bullies me sometimes with gush of wind, sound of dogs
and engines tht rolls
late at night
The building with a light turned on
in one of the rooms
puppets my feelings with shadows
There lies two beings biting hard at my wounds
And I just sit at my window feeding them
With smokes of metaphors and alcohol of rhymes
Beacause only I can save me
which I fail everytime.
or only she can save me
And I am sure to die of this.

I do not remember you
All the time.
But when I do,
It's when I lay bare on my bed
Twisting and turning to fall asleep.
It's also when I abruptly wake up
And feel the empty space next to me.
But mostly, it's when the emptiness
Spreads within me during each heart beat.

At times,
I become so lonely,
I start having conversations
With my loneliness.
We drink together
And drown together -
Sometimes in *****,
Sometimes in tears.
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