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 May 2015 Tushar Sawant
Jwala Kay
I am nobody's nothing.
I am not sorrow's blunder
and I ain't joy's wonder.
I'm not a white queen
nor am I a black slave.
I ain't my father's pride
neither an asylum's benefit.
I'm nobody's nothing
and I seem to survive thru'.
But when I say I was your love
that somehow ceases my existence now.
They wrap their arms
tightly around the other's
veined neck
clawing maniacally with
exposed teeth
and wild eyes.

a certificate;
their names as one,
ripped to shreds
but apparently
still valid.

and somehow,
when it's my turn,
I fantasise my arms
would lay limp
and his will, too.

But maybe
it's a glimmer of hope
of a candle in
interminable night--
wishful thinking.

Silly girl--
there is no romance
without menace.
Everything is getting harder,
maybe even a little scary,
yet you will always be saved,
right at the end.

You are scared to stand up,
don't know what will happen,
just sit there quite and waiting,
just waiting to see what will happen next.

Then its over,
it has all stopped,
everything is getting better,
then its time to go.

You say goodnight,
then it all starts again.
#FirstPoem#Hate
My life began,
when you walked in,
the man who faught,
for my hand.

Never thought we would lass,
but baby we are still going.

When my eyes connected into yours,
I knew we had something growing,
and that was love.
#Love
You feel unnoticed,
wishing they would care,
but they never will.

You feel hated,
because you are ugly,
and not worth it.

You feel pain,
wishing it would go away and wishing you could stop it all.

You feel heart broken,
because everyone is gone,you are lonely,and helpless.

Then you end it all with one single shot,(BAMM!)
you are gone,
and then you realized,
no one did care.
#LikeMyStuff#Follow
I wore my heart
on my sleeve last year
with a touch of agony
and the depth of despair
in hopes that you would
somehow love me.

But desperation,
I hear,
has a strong scent;
and when mixed
with fear--
and you could sense it
clinging onto my every
spluttered word,
every painted red lips
I hope you'd gaze upon;
the shadow of my eyelashes
imprinted in my cheeks
and the sweet delirium
of your voice;
a echo in the morning,
a whisper at night.

Today I remember
a year ago
how dearly I loved you
and loathed myself.
And John sees
passing trees
fields

cottages
lanes
sky

birds in sky
sees his reflection
in the bus window

going and coming
and going
the other kids

on the bus
most not all
talking and laughing

the bus radio
blaring out
some song

but he tries to focus
on the girl's name
she told him

and well it has gone
but he pictures
her still

thin wire spectacles
dark hair
a grip at the side

and that look of hers
as if she saw
into his soul

fool no such thing
but it seems so
and he sighs

can't recall
the name
her tie

was untied
loosely
dark eyes

he thinks
small ****
he kind

of recalls
but the name
even has he stares

at the passing view
her name
has gone too.
A BOY CAN'T RECALL THE NAME OF A GIRL AT SCHOOL IN 1962
 May 2015 Tushar Sawant
Deanna
this waltz is instinctual
our bodies
collision course

and all I can do
is pay attention to you
so how did you suddenly get closer?
But my leg moves an inch to the left
your gravity
pulling me
laughing at your stupid jokes

Our minds screaming
our timing is terrible
but instincts can't listen
and isn't it telling
we have the same waltz
collision course

last minute
evasive maneuver
you're leaving to sleep
and how do I explain
that we both want you to stay?
But it isn't liked our fates have changed
merely delayed
gravitational instincts too strong
this waltz ingrained
collision course
and the steering wheel's busted.
everything I write lately is super free verse. I like the concepts and some of the language, but most of my recent pieces feel like rough drafts. I might completely rework this concept one day.
 May 2015 Tushar Sawant
torrey
Love is a blinding trance
It puts a haze over your judgement
The clouds make it hard to see
All the things that aren't meant to be
You find someone who makes it hard to breathe
Then they turn you around and make you someone you weren't meant to be

But this love is more than an infatuation
It's a serious addiction
But in our hearts we like to believe that the love we feel is very real
Thinking your love is one of kind
That this continuous addiction is all that love could ever be

But when we finally let go
It hurts everyday
They cross your mind all the time
You hear a song and you begin to cry
You hear their name and you feel a tug at your heart
You think you just can't make it, like you're back at the start
All you want to do is hear their voice and feel their touch

But you're stuck missing them
Smoking a little too much
Drinking straight from the bottle
Wishing you'd forget about them tomorrow

So you follow back down that same old road
The road you've travelled along for so very long
You made one little call
And you're right back up there about to fall
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