I Can't Believe I Can't Write A Decent Poem About You…
You Killed Me…
And Still .…
Nothing.…
Maybe It's Because No Matter How Much I Deny It I Still...
LOVE You.…
And I Hate Love Poems.…
Roses Are Red.…
Violets Are Blue.…
You Caused This Mess. …
I Mean It *******.…
Wait .…
No, .…
I Don't Mean It.…
I Just Hate How This Sounds.…
I Don't Want You Back…
Not Right Now...
I Just Want To Write A Poem About Hating You…
But …
I Don't Hate You…
I Just Don't Get It…
How Could You Be Right For Me And Me Be Wrong For You…
Is There Someone Just Like You Out There That I Need To Be Looking For? …
Or Was It You And I Just Tried Too Hard?…
Or Was I Wrong And You Weren't The Person I Thought You Were?…
Roses Are Stupid…
Violets Are Cliché …
I Wish I Could Hate You…
Oh …And, By The Way……
You Made It So I Couldn't Hate Anyone…
To Hate Someone They Have To Have Hurt You, Right?…
Well It Is Unfair To Hate Someone When You Hurt Me More Than Anyone Ever Could…
Yet I Still Love You…
I Shouldn't Though
You Don't Love Me Anymore
So, Why Every Time I Get Over You Do You Show Up In My Life Again?
The Roses Are Wilting…
The Violets Are Dead…
Yet There's Something About You…
That Won't Leave My Head…
Get Out!…
I Want To Hate You…
I Want To Loth You…
I Want To Stop Missing You…
I Want To Move On…
I Want To Fall In Love With Someone New…
And I Want To Stop Comparing …
Everyone …
To
You…

Growing up I was always told to pretend
To make-believe I was a princess
A mother
A warrior
Whoever I wanted to be
With a little imagination and some time spent outside
Could be real,
But who was I really fooling?
Not myself
After turning the pool into a beautiful dress
After putting my "babies" to bed
After slaying the evil swing set
I was still me
Maybe that's why I got bored
started trying to make others believe my stories
Not worried about what I thought
More how much others did
I can control the radio
I can make it so you can't move
I can levitate
I can read your mind
I am a famous singer
I lied to you about all of this because if you believe it
you might be able to make it
true
Lies
that's all they were
I wanted them to be true
Tried to make them true
They never were
They never will be
Lies
Memories
Pretending it doesn't hurt
Pretending It does
Never knowing who I was
still searching for who I am
I am NO princess
I am NO mother
but I can fight
I wage wars with myself
battle scars taking residence in my heart
I wasn't lying
I was pretending
Pretending to be okay
Pretending I believed
Just like you pretend you care
About me
About what happens to me
If i were to die now you would be at my funeral because it looks right
If i die in ten years you wouldn't show up
Pretending you care or
Lying about caring
pretending
Lying
if it's the same for me it's the same for me it's the same for you
maybe if you
spend a life hiding wounds
spend a day in my shoes
spend a night in my dreams
you'll see why pretending i'm okay
pretending i believe
pretending i'm a princess
a mother
A warrior
None of it works
Nothing ever did
nothing ever will
pretending to be someone i'm not
I'm not you,
I pretended to be
I imagined a world where I could make-believe to believe and have it be true
When I slayed the swing set
I killed myself

I didn't grow up with broken bones
I grew up with broken hearts
Stemmed from broken homes
that had been built on broken starts
I believed love was a theory
or something you could chart
some how
you do not fit the patterns
Don't merge with other lines
Don't begin to fit the profile
for someone I should like
but,
maybe should just let it happen
let the chips fall where they may
Let myself fall in your arms
arms too far away
Everyday I question
how much those arms can hold
how far those arms can stretch
can they hold me above my past?
can they reach me?
I never broke a bone
I've had many broken hearts
Come from a broken home
built on a broken start
I taught myself love was a dream
A fairytale never meant to be
like a house built in a stream
It would drown eventually
That's always how it seemed
I'm kind of shocked I love you
I hate knowing how I feel
my solid bones don't matter
nor the casts around my heart
love is not a theory
it's very much an art

i'd rather you tell me
those sickly sweet three words
as an april fools joke
than never hear them at all
and i think
that makes me pathetic and weak
but god,
i've never loved anyone
as much as i love you

a voice in the background told us to listen
but we didn't care
we kissed
i remember you told me the first time you saw me you wanted to run up and kiss me
but that was a different time
different words
you pulled off my dress
"you're so hot, god, you're so hot."
but i didn't hear you say that then
i heard you call me beautiful
then you ripped my tights and suddenly i was getting up off the floor using my hand to wipe away what you thought you wanted off my lips
silence
and then laughing
there weren't stars that night because they were in our eyes
"wait", you said
and then kissed me good-night
good-bye, i mean, you kissed me good-bye
then came the "i'm sorry"
the "i'm sorry for what i made you do to me"
"i'm sorry for never treating you like a human being"
"i'm so so sorry"

You wouldn't stop saying it just like the way you wouldn't stop kissing me

I'm sorry, too, I said.
I'm sorry that all of me was never enough.

i am crying again,
because of him,
because he looks so
perfect in every picture he
takes and in every sunlight
that shines over him.
i am crying again,
because i know he will
never be mine,
and i want him so badly.
i am crying again,
because i promised myself
that i will not fall for him
again. i guess,
i broke my promise.
i am crying again,
because it takes every cell
and fiber in my body,
not to go to the ***** bathroom,
cry it all out and make new scars,
because i am going to the doctor's
in the morning,
and i cannot afford my mom‘s
stupid lectures.
i am crying again,
because i love him too much,
and because i know he will
find the perfect girl someday,
but she won't ever love him
the way that i do.
i am crying again,
because i will never be
yours, g.
and i want to,
so much.
i am crying again,
laying in bed,
looking at your pictures
in my phone,
and i am crying again,
because i will never
feel your lips on mine,
ever.

Remember that day when we were sitting in the stairs?
the day we kissed for long hours
I decided I wanted to stop time there.
Everything was just amazingly perfect.
But then it was over,
I went one way, you went another.
My perfect moment was dead, gone.
And now as I remember you kissing me
when you gave me a kiss in every single part
claiming it yours before anybody else
how you kissed my eyelids, my nose.
I don´t know if you remember.
I do.
And it hurts.
Every single thing you touched in me burns
it consumes my every happiness.
my will to move on.
How did you do?
How did you forget?
I guess you are lucky.
Or maybe you just don't care.
But please, I beg you
Help me forget.

I tried to smudge your name out of the
playbill of my life, but I couldn't. Somehow,
I'd convinced everyone around me, and even myself,
at some points, that you were nothing but a mere what-if

in my life of absolutes, and I didn't miss you.
Of course, day in and day out, words and lines for unwritten poems
would submerge my thoughts deep in murky, unfiltered tubs of
darkness, and I'd find myself haunted by your existence.

I tried to get over you, but I'm a poet, and the fact
of the matter is that poets don't get over much of anything. So
I'm sorry for this facade that I've so grudgingly constructed,
but I've never been too good at saying goodbye...

..or sorry, for that matter.