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 May 2014 Travis Cunniff
Sia Jane
I think sometimes,
darkness falls
&
we are in it, regardless of
circumstance or event,
regardless of whether
we are adored, loved, graced
& promised.

Pain isn't external,
it sits deep in me,
a lump in my throat,
an echo in my chest,
&
it is real
&
raw
& it digs.

It removes any of the joy,
flattery, content others
may take for granted.

It buries deeper
&
deeper.

Right to the core,
the soul.

It screams
&
silences your whispers.

I wish to sleep
& I fear I may not be able
to keep on top of
the endless digging.

Deeper.
Each hour that passes.
I tell myself sleep is for the weak.
A mental battle between my own mind
&
reality.

I crave the rest yet I,
detest the fear.

Sleep has become an enemy.
Bitter sweet.
Compassionate yet punishing.

I lie there some nights, waiting.
It is incessant most nights.
I fight the need to sleep.
I can cope without sleep.
Days at a time, of course.

I can exist on the air I breath
&
little else.

And so they fade, one into another. I lose sense of reality or the realistic patterns of life. I exist in my bubble & as much as it is hell, it is a cocoon of detachment. Feared but lost within this mind.

Insomnia is the bully. It has tortured me since my teens. Who knows if its lingering presence will ever liberate me, my mind, my joy, my life or my dreams.

Hope is a cynicism at these times. All the love & praise & wonder I am presented with on this thirty second birthday could merely be lost in a nightmare of what is most probably my own making.

The ******* within me always seems to win this war.
We have a love hate relationship
&
we have for many many years.

© Sia Jane
I haven't been around but hopefully I am back now I have applications out of the way. You can always visit me: www.facebook.com/Siajanewords

This is from last year, and the battle I can still have, with insomnia.
a green leaf in the swirl,
        as the maelstrom ***** in
stands tail up in anguish, for a moment
         then goes without a trace
What did God say upon his arrival home?
Nothing
A ghost in the Wind
Travel far and see the open land
You're never far from love
This is a rough draft, my first poem, don't judge too harshly
I don't want to say all the things I came here to say to you
I don't know how to face all the things that I put you through

But I know it's time to let out what I keep inside
Well, I can't, Oh WHY?
Guess I'll just keep on tryin'
I won't deny, I don't know what to do with my life
But I can't rewind back to a better time
Back to a better time...
Back to a better time...

I don't wanna play all these games that I played before
You wanna be by my side, but you'll wind up on the floor
I wish it wasn't this way, but I've got no choice
I hope that one day soon you'll find your own voice

But I know it's time to let out what I keep inside
Well, I can't, Oh WHY?
Guess I'll just keep on tryin'
I won't resign, you bet I'm gonna keep on fightin'
You pig, you swine. Why did I believe your lies?
Why did I believe your lies?
All you say you do is try.
All you'll ever do is try.
Song lyrics
She didn’t always drink her coffee black.
The milk would spill in, staining the drink
until the perfect hue was achieved
and she’d think what her mother used to think.
“You are always right where you need to be.”
And she’d watch a sugar cube float around
for a few minutes, until the bronze sea
took it away. And her silk dressing gown
trickled past her body just as her new
buyer came to the door. She took one sip
and tried not to let her mascara strew
or even let the mug smear at her lips.
She poured everything down the kitchen sink
and tried to forget what her mother might think.
It's not a perfect Shakespearian sonnet, but I like where it ended up.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
©Sebastian @http://hellopoetry.com/sebastian/
Wipe off your make-up
Wash your hair
Scrub your skin
Take off your clothes
Shave your head
Remove your eyebrows
Cut your eyelashes
Pluck your fingernails
Shed your skin

And

stare

Stare into the mirror '
With your eyes wide open
And look


*Isn't it beautiful?
A sad whimpering wind,
came travelling great distances
bringing her wistful sighs
and solitary pain of her heart,
broken in to many pieces,
but somehow still held together;
repeatedly bangs at his closed
window panes and wait for a response
then desperately sobs aloud,
on finding it wouldn't open
even after such desperate
expression of anguish
on behalf of a love once was
a bloom of rare red hibiscus
it's color  would never fade, it seemed.


But who would understand
his sad predicament, still unnamed!
hiding in a dark corner,
not to let the messenger
know his pathetic condition,
flames leap up from his heart
lighted by his lost love,
none could ever put it out.

They parted ways to never
again come back
both know there is no life
for each without the other,
still couldn't avoid this fall
breaking a golden dream,
and lots of promises of beauty;
their budding garden went barren
for ever, why why they don't see?
He lets her touch him intimately, without emotion
                        when in some pretext she is alone,
in his cubicle with him, discussing  things inane,
                     a software environs need not be  concerned
some times when she passes through,
                     her longing crosses limits, these days
it has become frequent, to the extent others to  notice.
                    she found silly excuses, fifth time this morning
but he can't hurt her feeling, a team member valued,
                      she contributes to his success, as the team leader

  He can see her need for comfort,
               under her tired eyes dark shadows of sleepiness
  lay curled like a depressed mongrel,
                     yet another duel she had with that nincompoop
   she calls her husband, all through last night;
                      a sudden pang he feels calls his wife
  asks if she is fine, to ease his guilt that raises
                        its head like  a snake from under the cover of grass.
  "A housewife has a thousand things to do, why don't you
                      find a buxom colleague to flirt, if that is the need"
  she banters and teases him on his illogical concerns.

                      Through the glass parting he discreetly watches her face
   heard a murmur arising inside,"the ***** plans the next move"
                           panicked he tried to concentrate on the screen
   that looked frightening, the deadline getting nearer and nearer
                       by each hour, he heard the heavy foot fall
  at that moment he heard a thud, as if something fell down
                      everyone was running towards her workstation.

— The End —