I want to know the world
Personally, intimately
I want to feel the grains of sand on different beaches and run my hands through the waters of a far off shore
Sail far away by boat and by plane
Taste the culture that abounds in every corner of the globe
I yearn to hear the voices of a different language
Going about their daily business
One that is so much different from mine
I want to see and understand everything as it is and how it was
How it all could be
I need it all to connect
In my mind and in reality
My thirst for a knowledge that is so much greater than I can imagine is too much to bear
There is too much to take in
And there's not enough time
I could never run out of places to explore
People to meet
Things to try
As long as there is ground beneath me and above me sky
The opportunities are endless
But I am not
I will be gone one day
I won't get to read every story written or hear every song that's been sung
My understanding of the world around me will never be as great as I need it to be
As I want it to be
And that might be okay
And even if it's not I have to accept it how it is
Because that's the way our world works
Our world
It is so full of magic
And mystery
Love and life
Beauty and joy
And until I no longer get to walk in life
To find new places
To find my place
I will keep exploring

I can't be a person
I don't have what it takes
I can't make it
I'm not beautiful
Smart
Funny
Social
I don't put in enough effort
I don't have any special talents
I'm not good at expressing myself
I'm too lazy to try
I don't fit in to any place or time
I feel like I'm lost in this void
I'm emotionless
But I feel too much, all the time
It's overwhelming
It's torture
Sometimes I wish I would just drown in it
So I wouldn't have to feel it any more
Feel all the pain
And disappointment
And loss
It's all too much
And if I don't feel it someone else does
And it never seems like there's enough good to balance out all of the bad
I can't live like everything is okay
Everything is far from okay
Most of the time
But we have to pretend that it's okay
Because we're people
And that's what we do
We pretend and we lie
And that causes even more problems
And nobody ever wants to talk about their problems
Because then you care too much
And you're weird
You get sent to a therapist and prescribed with numbing medication
We don't have a real cure for our problems
So we make ourselves forget about them
Nothing is ever solved
So nothing is ever okay
I just want it to be okay
I need it to be okay

Isn't there something magical
That lies in putting words together
In giving meaning to the meaningless
In training marks on a page to fall on someone's ears
And on their mind
Changing the way they think
Changing their point of view
Changing their life

Sometimes
I forget I'm a person
And I think I'd rather be
The wind
Or a tree
Or a bird
And not a person
Who has so much to think about
And so much to do
When none of it really matters in the end
All the stress we feel now will one day be for nothing
We won't exist
We won't make an impact like the way a tree
or the wind
or a bird shapes the earth
We won't change the world significantly enough
To make our time here important
And that's a lot of things to think about
And most of the time I don't want to think at all
I just want to feel
But only in the good ways
I only want to feel free
And happy
And useful
And good
And I can't when everyone is telling me you have to work for all these feelings
But do we?

I'm afraid of what's coming
And it's approaching so fast
I don't have time to decide
And I don't have time to look back
I'm leaving soon
And hope it's not too late
To look around and say goodbye
Before I leave this state
Of being so dependent
Of wanting to be free
Of never realizing my freedom was only restrained by me
Change is in the air
And it's scattered on the ground
It whistles through the wind and tugs our happy smiles down
All the people I knew
Will no longer be the ones I know
I'll have to start again
When it's time for me to go

You'll take handouts but you would never be caught giving
Or helping
Or being an honest and genuinely good person
It is beneath you anyways
You'll manipulate others
But the second someone speaks their mind you eliminate them
You see innocence as a threat and destroy it
You seek acceptance from others but they're not the ones who should approve
You look down on those who are , in reality, better than you
You're quick to judge when you are at fault
You are delusional
Irrational
Arrogant
Selfish
And afraid
You came from nothing and you are nothing now
You will always be nothing
To me

I pity perfection
Because perfection will never know how fun it can be to be imperfect
Perfection will never know a sloppy first kiss
Or how it feels to burn your tongue on hot chocolate
Perfection does not know how to mess something up and then try again
Nor will it ever have a lazy day
Perfection will never stumble over it's words when it tries to speak
And it will never tell someone it loves them
Because we all know that's a mistake
But some mistakes are worth making
And perfection does not exist