Sleep doesn't come anymore
It never visits
I have to fight for it
Night after night
Like a parent who is losing their custodial rights
Sleep, you were my escape
I loved you and you left
How could you?
I was faithful, always
Except for those few nights when life was too good to sleep
But those don't come anymore
Now I live to sleep
I yearn for the darkness to take over my mind
To quiet the thoughts that churn all day long
To mend  everything that I have done wrong
Like all my other friends,
You left
You left me alone
And awake
And now I don't have the chance to dream,
Of better things
Or how it used to be
Because I loved how it used to be
When I went to sleep happy
And excited to start my next day
Now sleep, I greet you with a heavy heart
Always hoping that a better day will come after the dark

Strength
It comes from the strangest places
Only weeks ago it came from the warmth in your eyes,
The smile on your lips,
And the feel of your hands.
Then it came from hope,
The hope that maybe my nightmares weren't coming true,
Maybe I wasn't losing my stronghold;
You.
But now I'm living my nightmares,
And drawing my strength from peoples' doubts  
It takes everything I have to sit across from you,
And look you in the eye,
And talk about mundane things,
Like nothing's changed,
Like nothing's wrong.
But in reality it's killing me
I feel so distant from everyone,
Like they're all looking down at me;
At the discarded girl who wasn't good enough.
But instead I'll stay strong
Strong for those who think I'm not
Strong enough to move on
Stronger than the urge to break
And I promise leaving me will be your worst mistake

How do you not feel anymore?
Maybe you could teach me
How not to feel
Because right now I feel like nothing
I feel like a part of me has been stripped away
I feel like I'm being forced to stand naked in front of everyone
I feel exposed
I feel useless
But most of all I feel hurt
How do you lose all feeling in a week?
How can you act one way and speak another
How can you sit there and watch me cry
Knowing you caused my pain
And you left me to drive myself home
It's hard to drive when you're hyperventilating
You told me I was perfect, I was great, it was nothing I did
It obviously was or else I wouldn't be crying into my coffee cup
The salty tears blending with the sweet vanilla until the whole thing just tastes sour
And now I can't eat
Food has no flavor
It's empty of enjoyment
Just like my day to day life
That used to be filled with the possibility of you
The possibility of us
The comfort and safety that was our relationship
I'm lost
Lost in this ocean of feeling
And that's what it is, an ocean
And I'm adrift and unreachable
It's not like it's by choice
But I'm just not a very transparent person
And you were the closest I ever got
How could you leave me sitting in the cold, crying
My tears were freezing to my face
And I'm still cold days later
I'm cold watching you walk through the halls
Your head down and your hands in your pockets
The same hands that should be holding mine
And all I want to do is talk to you
And let you know all that I'm feeling
Maybe I could lend you some of this feeling
And you would love me again
You would smile at me from across the room
And walk me to my classes
And hold me when I cried
Instead of staring at me from across a table
That felt like an ocean
And looking down at me
Like you were sorry for me
The moment the words left your lips
We were strangers
And it was like we had never kissed
Had never talked
Had never danced
Had never told each other our secrets
Had never existed as a single unit
And that's what we were
And now that part of my world is over
And I have to learn how to fit into another one
Another world where I can't know you
And it will take awhile for me to know myself without you
And I'm not good at being lonely
Just come back
Sail across the ocean you created
And bring me back to shore
I can't take your silence anymore
Just feel
Just feel something
For me

Red rimmed eyes gazing out of a red rimmed heart
Looking blankly ahead so as to avoid the hurt
Crystal-like tears fall to the floor,
Breaking like waves upon a worn down shore
Red rimmed lips search for words to speak
Finding none, she falls down and breaks
Following the same path her tears took down her porcelain face  
And there she'll lay until someone finds her
And then maybe she can learn to love again.
But never the same way that she loved him.

Who's to tell us if this is even right,
we're all so tired but refuse to give up the fight. Why are we all suffering for what we want most, causing our bodies to bleed but never giving up hope.
We all yearn for this unattainable thing we call love.
Does anyone really have it?
Or are we all just grasping at false persuasions that constantly evade the real truth of the whole concept.
Has it ever really existed?
Who's to say what it really is?
After all, it's just a feeling, an empty emotion invented by man.
It used to be pure, love used to be true,
before society got ahold of it and turned it against us.
So we turn our backs on it,
afraid of what it can do with the power we gave it.
And we try to harness it for ourselves,
the power we had to love.
Using and taking all we can get for selfish purposes,
leaving none for the rest.
But we all failed, no one knows how to love.
Not how God wanted us to love.
We toss it around, like money exchanged through countless unclean hands
until we can no longer recognize it.
Hard to tell if it's true or fake,
and I've already made that mistake.
We're all going down unless we can learn to forget how we were raised and grow to accept better days.
Because we can no longer trust genuality, everything is always too good to be true,
even when you have what's best for you.
We feel the need to trade it in and update to the latest trend.
Everyone is always linked in,
growing up wired but still not caring for our neighbors or friends.
We never find ourselves worthy to lend a hand, thinking its below us.
Well I think it's time He showed us how it all will end.