I did not choose for it to happen
I did not have a choice
But the gods
They do not care.

And so my hair is naught but snakes.

I came to this cave-
I had to eventually-
My only choice was when.

Still,  I chose the time of my own volition-
the people do not care.
They  blame me.
They say it was my choice to be struck
And drowned
And violated
In the temple I lived in.
They say i deserved the poison,
And they call me a monster.
The snakes may bite me,
But I choose who else they attack.

It is not my fault it happened.
The curse is not my fault.
The people, constantly attacking me and being killed for it-
It is their fault.
And it is the gods’ fault too.


The gods-
They do not care.
They send a boy to attack me,instead of doing it themselves.
Perhaps they feel guilty.

They do not care.

I cannot choose to die-
But I can choose when.
And so i open my eyes-

Foolish.
Used as an object, even in death.

last November, you said, "I'll always be here when you need me."
so thank you for staying gone.

You have never been worthy of the love I gave to you -
I will love myself til I don't miss yours anymore.

I am the other woman
the one that never gets the man
I am all his lustful thoughts dreamed up
I am her nightmare in a can

You see she will never give him all he needs
and he will never leave her a fact I now believe
She has his family and his past
and I am the woman who keeps coming in last

I am the other woman...
I know I am not everyone's biggest fan
but I loved him the way he really wants
and the way that she never truly can

Did you ever hear about ******* Lil?
She lived in ******* town on ******* hill,
She had a ******* dog and a ******* cat,
They fought all night with a ******* rat.

She had ******* hair on her ******* head.
She had a ******* dress that was poppy red:
She wore a snowbird hat and sleigh-riding clothes,
On her coat she wore a crimson, ******* rose.

Big gold chariots on the Milky Way,
Snakes and elephants silver and gray.
Oh the ******* blues they make me sad,
Oh the ******* blues make me feel bad.

Lil went to a snow party one cold night,
And the way she sniffed was sure a fright.
There was Hophead Mag with ***** Slim,
Kankakee Liz and Yen Shee Jim.

There was Morphine Sue and the Poppy Face Kid,
Climbed up snow ladders and down they skid;
There was the Stepladder Kit, a good six feet,
And the Sleigh-riding Sister who were hard to beat.

Along in the morning about half past three
They were all lit up like a Christmas tree;
Lil got home and started for bed,
Took another sniff and it knocked her dead.

They laid her out in her ******* clothes:
She wore a snowbird hat with a crimson rose;
On her headstone you’ll find this refrain:
She died as she lived, sniffing *******

When I met you for the first time, I thought your eyes were the biggest I’d ever seen
And I ignored my usual dislike of mouths as large as yours,
Reasoning that it should be so wide to accommodate the smiles you always wore.
At lunch, you quoted Mia Wallace and I should have known then to run.
Instead, I asked you about New York.
Your food got cold because you talked for so long.
I was silent and full.
Driving you back home, I told you my first lie when you asked if I was an atheist.  
We had *** in your bathroom the next day.
I watched movies you liked.
I told you my second lie when I pretended to cry at the end of Elizabethtown
We had *** again that night.
Roughly.
I told you I would move back to New York with you in the fall.
Another lie.
Another ******.
Lying to you came naturally and so I did it often.
It makes sense, then, that the whole affair would end with a lie.
New York wasn’t the problem.
You were.

the memories form a lump in my throat,
the nostalgia - a hard pill to swallow
4 months since you ripped my mouth off your hook and i'm still trying to find my voice to speak
i tell myself its time to write something
write anything, just let it be something