You think that one day
Your heart might stop
Sometimes you can be scared
And sometimes you’re not

Sometimes you want to die
Sometimes you don’t
It depends on who you’re with
And what’s going on

Being depressed
Or bipolar isn’t easy
It isn’t fun either
Always ruining moments

You want to know why
You’re life’s upside down
But you can never find out
Because you can’t slow down

Know you’re not alone
There are others like you
Who want to be happy
But have no reason to

Endless ropes tangle and grab
each individual omnipotent thought
of pleasure, denied gravity.
Slowed down, brought to frivolous
thoughts of relapse.
Speeding through the flimsy nature
of the ropes final stance.
A noose of the future.
A pivotal moment in comprehending,
all of this temporary fixation of
tragic dead-weight.
I am nothing but god’s will, contrary
to the greater good.
The ropes rip through themselves and idealize
Mistakes.
Pleasures.
Fixations themselves, alone and without
a viewable malice.
Distance is a deliberate blemish.
I don’t need to view myself.
I am falling through the ground and reaching
a turning point. Again. And again.
Faces and voices alike mean nothing until
I beg for forgiveness of myself.
Drifting between pressure tantamount to
torture in solitude.
Anyway, anytime,
I am succeeding in being alone.
Where is the recognition?
This pleasure, is it faux?
Grandiose indeed, a desperate attempt
at reaching a point where days
that exist and have existed are
superficial.
This recovery is relapse.
I will fall back, the ropes
still begging to hold me.
They speak my name.
My name is everything to them.
They are in abundance, but
I am obsequious.
It is all fake.
It is a testament to the reality of it all.
I will grab myself,
pulling as hard as I can until the ropes
snap and I return to a brooding state.
I ruminate.
The rumination expands and breaks my body.
Will I ever return to bliss?
Or was I never there?
Blemished and weak,
always there. I bloom.
Grandiosity returns,
the ropes rekindle their romance in twos.
It all ends.
I have failed my reckoning.
This is reality.
A twist of fate that can only be seen,
by god himself.
Whomever he may be.
I would like to meet him.
He sounds like I would like him.
I love him.
He is eternity, is he not?
The journey is dreadful,
but the return is remorse.
Nothing is right and nothing is wrong.
Either way, I am hanged by ropes I
have obliterated in a haste.

My mind is a sea. At times I latch on to the boat of sanity, as the waves thrash & the winds blow. Seems as though the downpour will never ease. Stranded with only the feelings of hopelessness to surround me. Alone in my feelings. Alone in my thoughts. Alone with in myself.

The waves subside & lay calm, crystal clear to the sea life beneath. The sea is full of colors & creatures abode. The sun is warm on my skin, bright in the baby blue sky. Dolphins come out to play, showing off eagerly as they entertain. I dive in. Life couldn't be greater.

My heart can be a secret garden, filled with fruits & berries. The air is scented of sweet lilies. Come to this garden & be refreshed my love. I have so many gifts to share.

Yet when the sunlight fades into dark, the cold winds howl. The gate to the garden is locked. There's nowhere for you to rest your head. Nothing to share.

My world lies on a merry go round. Up then down & round I go. I sit sick on this rollarcoaster of emotions. I don't wish to drag you along so I'll silence myself until the sun rises again because it always does. I'll do anything for you my love because my love towards you is the only stable thing.