A long and dark journey that feels never-ending.
A vicious cycle that lessens the pain.
But when you need to press the stop button, it quits working.
Negatives out-way the positives.
Yet you keep returning to your journey, to try and keep your mind at bay.
Temporary relief followed by enhanced and new problems.
So you stray back to the dark journey, one that feels like sunshine at the time.
So easy to give in, desperate for release.
Only to be left stranded in the dark alone, with the monster that lurks inside.
Writers block seems to be inescapable at the moment, but felt as though i needed to put some thoughts down on the page.
Internal screaming blares inside my head,
Clawing at my own skin as if it will tear,
Because at this very minute I really couldn’t care,
Drowning in thoughts of pure despair,
Suffocating, in the wild mess stuck up there,
Today I poured out the devil’s lesser friend
For days I starred at the concoction that remained in my bag.
Finally over a period of withdrawal and being ill
I had been clutching onto a bottle of syrup tightly... Unsure if I would change my mind,
And I did, multiple times I went to reach for it
Yet I restrained, subconsciously waiting for a period of weakness-
Knowing in that moment I’d turn back to the bottle
Letting the purple syrup ease my pain, suffering and distress when I needed it most.
Today, I followed through with my plan
I snatched the readily mixed solution and poured it out straight into the garden
A hard step for me to take,
A difficult move for me to make,
A choice that had to be made.
(A Terrible Poem - refer to notes)
I’m drowning in a sea of my own sorrow
Lost in my own personal anguish
Deeper and deeper I burrow
- searching desperately for an escape
But this fire burns wild,
now grown much too large to extinguish
Especially on my own...
My brains on a rollercoaster, I can't think... let alone write but I had to try release some of this distress in a more constructive way compared to what i have been.
Smoke trickles from my lungs
Passing through my dried cracked lips
Polluting the air surrounding me
I sit in the cold breeze -
The only thing i can feel
The rest of me numb to the core
I ask myself whats left...
The answer: Everything
I watch wattle birds tend to their young
Baby birds snuggled deep in their nest
For a moment i experience envy
I want to run home to arms of my mum and dad like the old days,
Mum would stroke my hair and hold me tight, as i sobbed into her chest
Ensuring that everything would be alright
But those days have past
And i have to hold my own, except
I dont know how
Im broken beyond repair
I can no longer run to the arms of my mum or dad and pour my soul out
Because i know the weight of the disappointment i will bring
Will only **** me further inside... At the sight of my parents suffering and struggle to understand once again where they went wrong
But it was never them,
It was me and me only who made the choices i made
Leaving myself stuck in a rut of hell
And its my job to pull myself out...
But i have no idea how
ANOTHER ROUGH COPY WITHOUT PROPER EDITING SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS OR POOR FORM
Its evening, yet its bright with a yellow tinge
Its raining heavily, but the rain drops softly...
Soundlessly sprinkling, soaking the atmosphere
My tears dry as the world around me dampens
The yellow tinge in the sky isnt like anything ive witnessed before.
The rain comes to a sudden halt still silent as ever
The trees dont sway with the wind instead they remain grounded and stiff like an animation.
The clouds reposition and the dulled light dims back in sync with the evening.
But the beauty of nature i happened to witness in past 10 minutes... so different to anything ever before,
A memory i hope to remain planted in my brain for eternity.
As though it was the universe speaking to me and me only, saving me from myself...
Saving my life
Really rough copy, unedited just purely off the top of my head in a moment of pure distress... this yellow skyed evening somehow managed to calm my soul, a lot... despite how lame it sounds.
Hand in hand.
They travel at a steepening 120km/h
With deep minds,
Wearing warped thoughts.
Day after day,
The battle takes its toll.
The once sparkling blue in her eyes,
Now a dulled grey.
The contagious smiles that once beamed
From cheek-to-cheek, now forced and exhausted
Their love stronger than any word could describe.
Windows rolled down
Her dark hair blows violently in the wind.
They both wear a pair of shades
Despite the lack of sunshine
In true purpose,
Of hiding their shared pain.
A moment before they descend
Sunglasses are lifted off,
Tears roll down their cheeks
Whilst they simply smile,
He lifts his hands off the wheel
Caressing one another,
Lips on lips
The car takes flight,
For a moment lasting forever in their eyes.
The car flips off the bridge,
And in seconds both of them die
In peace forever is where they lie.