Suicide,
Something that can take this pain away
Suicide,
The cowards way out
Suicide,
Something I’m too weak to do
So many ways to do it,
So many ways to die by my own hand
It’s the only way out
From the pain of everything
The pain of being bullied
The pain  of being worthless
The pain of being ME
Weather it be a blade to my wrist,
Or a noose around my neck,
Or a gun to my head,
Or a bridge 20 feet high,
Getting away from this
World would be a blessing
No one would care if I died,
No one would notice that I’m gone,
No one would do anything about it,
Just like no one prevented me.

My personal Hell
Is something others would be surprised at
People think it would be a place,
Bright and Happy,
With loud music and no books
Or friends.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
My personal Hell
WOuld be a pace I was abandoned at,
A place where all my failures and shortcomings
Are thrown back in my face
A place where my demons are let loose,
Where they are screaming I’m worthless
Where I have no hope.
My personal Hell is a place with nothing
I hope I never have to experience it.

In the darkness of night,
Some of the worst things happen,
Unseen.
In the darkness of night,
Some of the best things happen,
Unseen.
In the brightness of day,
Some of the best things happen,
They are ignored,
In the brightness of day,
some of the best things happen,
Only to be ignored.
NO matter where one is,
Bad things could happen,
as could good things.
No matter when something occurs,
Bad things could happen,
As could goo.
Monsters lurking on the dark,
Only to be angles in the light.
The dark or the light,
Day or night,
Things happen.
So why do we ignore them?
Why do we not see them?

I’ve been told many things over the years,
But the one that hurt the most is
“Quit being yourself”
I’ve been told that so many times,
And each time,
I break a little bit more.
My personality is “too strong”
My looks “too boyish”
My thoughts “too sad”
It hurt that people would say that,
When I am constantly told
“Don’t let anyone change you”
But why should I stay the same
When no one likes me?
Nobody talks to me because I'm “intimidating”
Nobody looks at me because I look “depressed”
Nobody cares about me because I’m “too much”
Why can’t I be myself without the judgement I face?
Why can’t I,
Just be what everyone wants?

I’m just a kid
A kid who was exposed to reality
Way too early
I’m just a kid who had responsibility ****** upon them
Way too quickly
I’m just a kid who had to figured out how to deal with actuality
Way too soon
A kid who doesn’t fear death
A kid who doesn’t doesn’t bat an eye at shootings
A kid who is lost
And can’t find their way back to a safe place,
That’s who I am.
And it not my fault.
It not my fault I’m fascinated with death
It’s not my fault I’m morbid
It’s not my fault that I’ve become emotionless.
So quit making it out that I’m the problem.
The real problem,
Is the messed up world we live in.

My pain,
It’s always there,
There through the laughs and the smiles,
There through the tears and the sadness.
My pain,
It won’t go away.
It’s there…
Waiting
To strike when it would hurt most
My pain,
It’s always there lurking,
Always in my thoughts,
Never letting me be me.
My pain,
Something I hide so well,
No on notices;
And that just adds to it.
My pain,
I can’t get away from it,
And I’ve lived with it for so long
I don’t think I want it to go away.
My pain,
It’s depression.

The past,
Something some people try to forget
And something some people revel in.
Everyone's is unique,
No past is exactly alike,
Mine is different than others.
I grew up too early,
And learned that emotions were obsolete.
They hindered more than helped,
The only thing they brought was more pain
I grew up,
Knowing the things I go through
Will shape me in the future.
I grew up,
Knowing I would always have to be strong,
So I can protect others,
From the horrors that I endured
I grew up,
Knowing the past will help shape my future
The past is the past,
And you can’t run away from it,
No matter what,
It will always come back to haunt you.
You have to deal with it,
And move on,
No matter how hard it seems,
The rollercoaster that is life,
Will always have its kinks,
But it will always end,
In either a terrifying way,
Or a satisfying way.
You pick the way you want it to end.

I can feel your stare burning into me
I can feel your breath on my neck
I can feel the lust emanating from you
With your stare full of lies
And your intentions impure
Why should I listen to you?
Just because you love me
Doesn’t mean you won’t leave me
The ones I love
Will always be the ones to hurt me the most
JUst because I trust you
Doesn’t mean you know everything
You don’t know what I hide behind my smile,
Because it will scar you like it did me
Your love and devotion mean nothing
If you can’t keep your promises.
You broke me
With your words of hatred and discouragement.
You said you loved me
Yet you turned your back on me
Without even hearing me out
You promised you’d never leave,
Yet you did anyways.
And now you want me back?
You found out the truth,
The truth you didn’t want to hear,
And now you expect forgiveness
After casting me out?
NO.
You broke your promises,
Your promise of love
The promise of a future together
But you broke that
I lost myself because of you
Now that you are back,
I’m never letting you in again.

Secrets,
Everyone has them.
Hidden deep within,
Never to be discovered.
We would protect them with our lives,
So they can never be found,
For even the nicest
Have the darkest secrets too.
No matter how hard it is to try to hide,
They are always somewhere.
For even the prettiest smiles
Hold the most secrets.
The prettiest eyes
Have shed the most tears.
The kindest hearts
Have felt the most pain
All unnoticed
Because it was a
SECRET
That no one could know

Heavy heart,
Blurry eyes,
Pounding head,
Waiting for it to be over.
Pain is everywhere,
I can’t stand.
I crawl into my room
And fall into a deep slumber.
Woken up
Feeling refreshed.
Apologies from last night,
And I accept,
For I don’t want the pain again.
Even if it’s inevitable,
The horrible cause
Stands there taunting me
Waiting for me to succumb
To it’s dark allure.
I finally break.
It numbs the pain
But now I’m like THEM,
A monster in disguise.