Strange feelings swim inside me,
confusing and alert.
Prodding me to make a move;
assume, affirm, assert.

Yet these tones only arise
within the realm of me.
I'm building solid structures
from only misery.

Misery imagined
Misery, elusive
Why do I question everything
being inconclusive  

Like happiness backfiring
scrutinizing itself
to pick apart perfection
and pity all the wealth

To find a problem buried
where graves have not been laid
and ravish in the thinking
I should be getting paid

I'll sit and whisper to myself
I should be getting more
of everything completely
as if love is but a chore

He tells me things I know.
The things my heart is saying.
Why does the mind escape the heart
all certainty decaying?

But he is right
and I am wrong
I love all of this man.
Expectation kills livelihood
He does everything he can

Overthinking hurts
when none of it is true.
We cannot build reality,
fake disappointment--brewed.

So holding hands with him
and I love you's ARE enough.
The feeling IS the knowing.
Uncertain, true and tough.

Sea makes love to shore
mountains break the sky
but no one feels our heartbeat
electric--you and I

Fingertips and glances
deep into my soul
earthquakes of raw emotion
your being--makes me whole

You're like a spark of magic
that could vanish with the dew
fear lies somewhere in my heart
at the thought of losing you

The smile that you've created
has never been before
like undercurrents raging
and kissing softly on the shore

A love so true and obvious
a fever, overwhelming
hold me closer, hold me longer
your lips are quite compelling

But promise me my darling,
as I watch you hold my hand
don't listen to the sea
and argue with the sand

Drawing back and moving forth,
caress and then release
pretending life is perfect
renting love as if a lease

Lead me not to question,
lead me out to sea,
where birds and rainbows manifest,
all of you is all of me.

While flipping sheets this morning
Dust flying in sunlight
Thinking on the reason why
I have these words to write

I stumbled on a sudden thought
Blowing past the rest
Making my arms tremble
And an aching in my chest

I thought of what would happen
If you were not here today
If the blankets were all folded
And the hoodies put away

If the house was never settled
And my closet was all clean
If you had never joked about
The off brand coffee cream

If I never did the dishes
And I'd never seen your eyes
If we were only strangers
walking under sullen skies

If I was still a loner
And you were still alone
The hate from others vanished
No pictures on our phones

If all of me was searching, still,
For every part of you
I would never understand
I would have never knew

As I situate the pillows
Run my fingers down the side
And picture every memory
I never want to hide

I'm thankful for our minutes
For the happiness I've seen
The bottle pressure issues
And the change still in your jeans

The hugs on colder mornings
When I just want you to stay
The beauty of sunflowers
On an unsuspecting day

I've never felt and never loved
Like this in life before
I want to do your dishes  
And pick clothes up off the floor

To make your lunch for work
Play cars with your cute boy
Make dinner for our friends
And put away the toys

Because you make life worth it
adventurous, insane
I'll ride with you and die with you
While sideways, in our lane  :)

The walls are a cool custard
I picked a movie to lull my conscious
Even so I'm in a trance
Recalling your fingers...

Tracing me, fluidly
While a fan sputters, flying
Currents of electric smiles
Running from body to brain  

And softness, so perfect
Whispers, with longing
Hold me, caressing softly
Eyes in mine, swimming

Only memories, I'm dreaming
Without sleep, in need of holding
To miss does not suffice
The fan sings loud tonight

You're sleeping somewhere soundly
Three hours, a short distance
Two days, only seconds
Upon the larger scale

But walls of caramel custard
Are draining me completely
Come home to me, my darling
Your eyes are what I seek

I still can hear the drifting cars
and burnouts in my ears.

feels like it was just yesterday
where red lights lasted years

skies were full of rubber--smoked,
sun was cold and hot

a yesterday from months before
I couldn't have forgot

I feel your hand collapsing mine,
the jokes and many laughs

comradery amongst the rain,
perfume, cologne, race gas

I just had slipped up days before
and told you my heart fell

sun set and woke, so many jokes,
cars ran parallel.

a yesterday I won't forget,
you took my hands in yours

the sun hiding behind the clouds
few raindrops on our pores

while pistons move in cylinders
two cars line up somewhere

crankshafts like jacks in boxes,
and wind blows through our hair

you looked at me like time was lost
while friends sat watching speed

my heart beat faster than the
boosted car that I heard lead

surrounded by our favorite things
a few people that we knew

I saw a smile fill your eyes
when you said "I love you."

Hands of rugged mysteries
typing letters    fast
counting down the minutes
time is standing still
  creating distant fantasies
within a neverland
knowing I will not fulfill
dreams and wishes   true

money spent
buying smiles
approval, but demise
for paper only melts in fire
souls go somewhere else

what is worth
effort
daily
for only
bones will
endure

confusion overcomes me
I'm at a loss
tossing money
wasting life
sitting in this cube
typing