your name is a trigger
for being wanted,
but not loved all the way through.
for being mirror that only reflects the good in you when you feel bad, sad or lonely.
your face triggers seeing myself walking on eggshells
and keeping one foot out the door in love.
your hands are a trigger for being held not tight enough and not nearly long enough.
your existence is a trigger of unrequited love that won’t stop
or fall apart like it should.

love today looks like morning.
the sun rises and so do i.
rising to breathe
and let go,
let go enough to give back to her,
let go enough to give back him.
making peace with being enough
for me in this present moment,
but not being what you wanted.
i am not what you want
and that is okay.
i wish you'd hold onto that
instead of repeatedly dropping
my heart or letting it come apart in your hands.

I just want everything to stop
It's all becoming too much for me
Climbed too high, now I fell from the top
I don't want all of these, just let me be

I want to get out of here
Rise up in the sun and let it swallow me
Let the winds carry me somewhere unknown
All I ever wanted is to be alone

I'd throw everything away in a heartbeat
If I could just be on my own and free
Let the snow sink me in
I'll be happier than I've ever been