Here's a red carnation,
A piece of my once shattered heart,
One red for a yellow,
If only you could see how much you still mean to me,
Here's a yellow carnation,
I’ll be in denial,
Holding onto the little sanity I have left,
I still see you everyday,
Hoping for the time we’ll meet,
When our souls would form the base of Yin and Yang,
You look so happy with him,
While I still hold on to the Yellow Carnation,
One heart for a piece,
Let's go gambling,
I’d give all I have, just for little from you,
I’ll be here for a little while
Hoping and wishing upon every star,
Pretending that I didn't receive the Yellow Carnation,
Printing  every single details of you in my head,
While giving a different script,
Imagining a different world,
Where you like me like I do,
Here's a purple carnation,
And a red,
And a yellow
With colors that blend,
In words unsaid

i ask, i pray for god to put me out my misery.
to wither me emotionless with the lesser
ability to exist and not full of feelings.
for my own sanity, i plead for dire
consequences for my own self
worth as I’ve made excuses
and pathetic decisions
that plague my life
as I ask for god.
I ask for god.
I ask.

I gave the boy with the pretty frame-worthy eyes a pen the other day in class,

I switched the top of the black one I gave him to the blue that I used, and vice verse-a giving him a blue-black pen and me a black-blue one.

To him, in that moment,
I was just goofing off in class instead of listening to the teacher yap,

But to me, the pens and the colors meant something,
The day I made that blue-black pen, I was trying to make me and him,
The blue me, the black him, and together, us.
It was my heart,
And me giving him the blue-black pen was in a way, me giving him my love.

Maybe he missed the message in between the lines, or maybe he chose to by pass it,
Or maybe,
What I thought we had going on, was a delusion,
Maybe it was only one sided, and the connection was all in my head,

Perhaps I should’ve left the pens alone,
leaving my feelings unknown, and the lack of reciprocation would’ve hurt a little less,
But now my heart aches,
Especially whenever I see that cursed blue-black pen.

I think,
unrequited is addicted to me.
I don’t know but it just happens to find me no matter where I hide,
It’s almost like it’s waiting for my smile to be a little to wide,
and my cheeks to turn a little too red to creep back into my life and turn things on its head,

I think its favorite pass time is to make my heart ache because just when I swear that I’m done, someone comes and so does unrequited right behind it,
I hate it,

It’s almost like it needs me to stay with it because it chases everything else away, it’s addicted,

But somewhere deep down, I think I need unrequited just as much as it needs me
I kind of hope it doesn’t leave me,
Not yet at least,
I’ve grown well acquainted with unrequited, and it’s strange because, even though I don’t want it, reject it, and run from it,
it’s always there waiting for me after my heart is done being too happy,

It’s almost like it’s home for me, no matter where I go it waits patiently for me.
I don’t think I’ll know what to do when it really leaves,
So now I wonder,
Am I just as addicted to unrequited as unrequited is addicted to me?

we talked for an hour over chicken alfredo
and my fork kept clinking ringing crashing
against the edge of my bowl
like every time i tried to speak my hand
(knowing it could or should not strangle me silent)
would drown me out with metal

my night was sleepless on purpose
my eyes and throat begging
to shut in shame and respite but
i forced myself awake with every sip
(red bulls and cheap whiskey and stale banana bread)
i swallowed into grimaces
i swallowed into laughter

and my soles ached and argued
against the not-quite salted sidewalks
and the decaying skeletons of autumn
against the freezing arterial
and they all knew i could never catch up
as i ran behind shouting to wait
just a second let me reach–

for what?

for who?

the words i wasted don’t exist anymore.
now i talk over myself and my lover
and the words don’t matter;
they flow between us,
herbal tea with cream and sugar
flows between us like
sunlight pouring in through the blushing leaves
the sunset trees
that only we and the woodpeckers can touch

I believe that it will be impossible to stop loving you,
You will always take up such a large portion of my heart,
You changed me so much,
Taught me lessons,
Patience and who I was,
So I will probably love you forever,
And even if you don’t feel the same,
I really don’t think it will ever change.

When I'm in love
I see pink everywhere.
I would scream from rooftops,
tell just about everyone
how he's smart
and nice
and hot.
Every song I hear,
every thought I think
is somehow related to him.
And all my friends are tired
of all my giggles and grins.

When he's in love
he keeps on living
like that girl he talks to
didn't change his point of view.
Doesn't let it show,
even when he feels
the sinking of his heart
when she smiles at him.
And he's hopeless
and helpless
and lost in love.
But in secret, still.

Or maybe he just isn't in love.
Or maybe he just doesn't love...

...me