Aftermath  

The crash happens, and then everything waits.

The tow truck arrives—sleek and gleaming,  
its midnight-black paint absorbing the streetlights  
in a perfect, polished hush.
It is not a wrecker—it is a machine with purpose,  
its curved chassis hugging the ground like a race car—  
the quiet arrogance of a predator.
The hydraulic arm unfolds with practiced precision,  
chrome glinting, not a speck of rust anywhere.

My car, foreign but familiar, hesitates in its wreckage.
A midsize sedan manufactured in a plant  
where workers assembled it with American hands,  
yet its heritage lingers in every curve,  
a design caught between old and new.
Its paint—a muted slate, unassuming—  
shows years of careful touch-ups,  
my own hands smoothing over time and dents itself.
Next to the tow truck, it looks misplaced,  
a junker entered as a joke for the Daytona 500.

The insurance company—AllFarmressive—  
calls twice, their scripted reassurances tumbling  
into contradictions.
"We’ll expedite your claim," they promise,  
but attach an additional note:  
"Due to unforeseen delays,  
processing times may be adjusted  
without prior notice."  
The website insists everything is  
"streamlined and efficient,"  
but each link loops back to the homepage.
Every representative sounds the same,  
pausing at the same beats,  
reading from a script that never quite  
answers the question asked.

The rental car resists.
The screen blinks erratically,  
menus nested inside menus,  
each button press yielding nonsense—  
"Safety Belts Huggings Allowed,"  
"Start Not Start? “  
I jab at the touch screen,  
scrolling through untranslated menus,  
attempting to override locked settings.
Each swipe resets the interface,  
bringing me back to the same blank screen,  
blinking in stubborn refusal.
It moves with a sluggish, uneven pull,  
dragging toward the right,  
forcing me to correct, over and over,  
a silent, insistent opposition.
It does not trust me.
It wants to remind me what happened.

The bumper stays on the sidewalk for three days.
A fractured artifact, curled at one edge,  
its metal warped—something half-melted, half-chewed.
Every dent tells a story,  
some shallow, some deep—  
one an open palm shape,  
another., the edge of a key.
The torn plastic lining exposes the layers beneath,  
each piece folding inward,  
a body returning to itself.
By day four, it is gone.

The streetlights flicker when I drive past.
The pavement hums under my tires,  
a restless, steady vibration.
Somewhere ahead, a distant car horn wails,  
too long, too sharp, disappearing into silence.
The shadows stretch unnaturally in the glow  
of a traffic signal that no longer changes.
Something has shifted.
Something is lingering.

I watch the headlights stretch ahead,  
the road tightens, then vanishes into silence

I know the crash is over,  
but I don’t think it’s done with me.

handplucked, stared at, silence.
examined front-to-back, indifferent,
and dropped in a cylindrical hell
unlike any other you'd ever know.
subject, object, experiment.
a constant mire of hate, sin,
fear, death, lust. hate.
anything and everything adjacent
to violet highlights in calming sunsets,
a love for what can be despite what is.
inked by the growing bead in your chest
that pulsates when you dream of better,
more, the minimum. pure existence.
the bliss of firing off one round
of expression that might shift the world
and free you.
something you can't know
while others hold the jar and shake you.

I've been finding myself more
in the arms of uncertainty and nostalgia lately.
Its warmth cascades down my back
like hair made of gold and silk,
draping its familiarity over me
in the form of weary exhaustion.

And yet, when I get too close,
it holds me painfully tighter;
or pushes me away.
Forcing me to feel the dreary shiver
of winter all over again.

Perhaps this affinity surmised
was nothing more
than a suffocating disguise;
its hands holding mine
as if they were akin
to the bequeathed stars above.

I intend to abandon its presence,
as it did to mine;
but then I find it knocking
on my door once more.
And what else shall I do,
than let it in?

Before I even decided to run,
I was already caught up with waking up early.
Body laid close to the pillows that I get drowned by all the time.
Clothes unprepared, shoes not in sight,
Mind still asleep, eyes glued to be closed tight.

We will never be ready for something unless we give it a try.
We can never really decide immediately without considering it.
Why? Are we scared that it might not be in our lane of comfort?
Such a funny thing to say. But aren't we all scared? Aren't we all not ready for anything?
But by faith, we believe that it’s better tried than left ignored.

Like words left written but never sent.
Shouldn't we be more daring because we've already lost a lot due to fear and uncertainty?
As if this world isn’t full of uncertainties.
We are built to embrace, to live, not to dismiss—
Cause what is there to live if we keep dismissing the life we are destined to?

Hey There!!
Calm and collected! You sure?
Look at you—
All humble and fake.
Is that all it takes
To be a human?

Too naïve and fragile,
Yet you struggle and survive.
You sure this is the right way to thrive?

Don’t be arrogant,
Think of a solution,
Battle your demons and
Don’t act impulsive…
...

But where’s the fun in that?
You think and think and think, and come up with that?
Is it your stomach grumbling, or
Is it your brain sighing?

Come on, don’t "think" now.
I’ll give you the answer—
The pleasure is all mine.

I was there,
Filled with compassion, adoring your design.
While you were a little boy,
You looked ferocious. You were determined!

Twenty years later,
You feel all worthless.
All you do is whine.

Where is the charisma?
Where is the shine?

It pains me to tell you this,
But we are running out of time.
Give me the control, and
Wait for my sign.

I promise,
Your presence won’t ever be ridiculed,
Your eminence will never be outshined.

Don’t ridicule me with such flattery.
Won’t you listen to me, your majesty?
Sure, you feel sad and shattered,
But wouldn’t you rather be this way?

Mistaking growth for tragedy,
They say:
Relinquish your heart from mockery.
Mayday—
Frightening is your disgraceful savagery!

Stop with the excuse,
Don’t loosen the noose.
You want a better life?
Just hop in and pursue!

Sure, what he says is tempting,
But I’d rather be here, presenting
To you,
The answer to your pain and resentment.

You shouldn’t be here lamenting.
Mark my words and heed what I say.
Don’t listen to that coward—
Here, let me make your way.

It’s bound to be suspenseful.
It’s bound to be cruel.
Don’t look at me like that—
You know it all too well.

I’m the feeling you long lost,
Yet you never gave up on trust.
I’m Hope,
The miraculous outburst.

Life is tough,
Not a whack-a-mole game.
I hope you understand:
Listening to him is just in vain.

Now, don’t accuse me of temptation—
It’s my very nature!
Can’t call it quits now, can I?
I guess I should show some determination.

I was born at the dawn of creation.
To put it simply:
Would you rather choose me and feel this soothing sensation,
Or
Choose him and relive all those dreadful accusations?

The decision is for you to make.
I’m just as important as he is.
I put in all my stake.

And you,
You are pretty mean to me, but I respect you for that.
If it wasn’t for you, I’d have gone, “Boom” Splat!

It’s cause with you comes the hardship,
And with you comes the wrath.

People get frustrated,
Desperate to look for a path.

The look on their face and the pressure on the back—
How can I miss such delicacy?
Oh! How amusing is that!

You want me to move away?
Na-uh, I ain’t doin’ that!

Making a mockery of your own kind?
Stalemating me?
Just so you can outshine?

That’s some pretty ***** trick you got up your sleeve.
Yet you go around accusing me of being a thief.

Unreasonable, isn’t it?
When he secures something,
When he gets a win—
You float like a butterfly.
You become the limelight.
You become “the thing.”

You take away the credit,
You took away everything!

But when he gets down—
Tarnished, hopeless, and doing everything on a whim—
When he succumbs to despair,
Who’s there with him?

I used to respect you for being tough.
Look at you now, coming at your brother like that.

I’m also something.
Just like you,
I too was given a task.

At least I’m honest.
I know I can cause pain.
There’s a term called “False Hope”—
Ever heard anyone feeling “False Pain”?

Life’s not a fairy tale.
I know, alright.
I can give him happiness,
I can make him smile.

I know I’m tempting him, but
It’ll be worth a while.
All you did was strangle him.
All he felt was not right.

I just wanna control him,
Make him feel alright.
Don’t give him no false hope.
Don’t make him feel traumatized.

It’s okay to be heartless.
It’s okay for him to hit rock bottom once in a while.

If Hope can flourish him and it can make him shine,
Do take the role of father figure—
It’s your duty to guide.

I understand your goal,
And I won’t hold you back.
I was born a pushover,
And I’m fine being that.

Don’t misunderstand me—
I ain’t plain as that.

I’m sinister.
I’m always there to keep you on track.
I’m always there to ensure he never gets up on his back.

I’m the hurdle he must clear.
I’m the obstacle he must pass.

And he needs you, brother,
To overcome me—
To overcome my wrath.

“With that said, whom do you choose?” both said and looked onto me.
As bewildered as I was,
I was more confused.

To choose among these two isn’t child’s play.
One will live, but one will be slain.
Like two counterforces, both can’t coexist—much to my dismay.

I thought and was about to choose,
When I suddenly opened my eyes, stunned.

Was it a dream, or have I finally succumbed
To insanity?

I pondered about the question both had asked,
And I realized I was outclassed—
Not by the amount of reasons,
Not by the sheer pressure.

I simply couldn’t choose.
Should I opt for the king of treason to live a comfortable life, but with no rhyme or reason,
Or
Should I choose the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on a rope?

I was uncertain before, and I’m uncertain now.
Maybe someday I’ll prosper.
Maybe someday I’ll be happier.

Until then, it’s me—
And my Uncertainties.

                                                                                      -Asher Graves

the abundance of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.
i feel like i forgot something,
i feel like i'm always catching up.
the ceiling is getting closer,
i think i'm about to throw up.
everyone's asking who i am
while i dream of a factory reset.

the sun's bleeding into the horizon,
the sun's taking its time to settle and set.
the infinite number of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.