It comes with the burden of infallibility.

Will Power

It keeps me knocking at the door,
It hits me heavy like a boar.
It leaves empty like before but I keep my head beside the lord.

We have a plan as we know we can but has there been another man?
I hold my breath and exhale the air...
Could she be that little mare?
All these males and females dare to test the one who says they care.

Still it keeps me knocking right through the roof...
What is the power and what is the truth?

I created distance between me and the rest
Kept myself hidden like a treasure chest
I didn't want anything to do with the outside
I grew distant as my way to hide

I was tired of every single lie
They thought I would buy
Their actions were absurd
Knowing they couldn't keep their word

I lost all trust I ever had
Knowing everything would turn out bad
I lost hope, became paranoid
Anyone who tried to get close I would avoid

I no longer wanted to believe
Just remembering I would grieve
There will never be change
It's nothing new, nothing strange

---

It's a shame
Everyone's the same
Their anger they can't tame
At your heart they will aim

They saw you as a foolish joke
And as they cruelly spoke
Something inside broke
Holding in your tears you choke

The pain created grew
Slowly but surely within you
No longer knowing what to do
You ran away without a clue

You didn't want to stay
In a place harming you every day
Afraid if you trust they will betray
You decided to hide away

Please.
Could u find it in your heart
To give me back all those vulnerable moments?
Because I feel so stupid now
I feel stupid for going against every fiber of my being and exposing myself
For daring to say those things that come from a place so deep in my heart that it terrifies me.
Knowing that when they rise to the surface
When they escape the warmth of my chest and meet the warmth of the sun they become real
They become present
And tangible
And I need you to give them back because I regret it now
Because I dared to trust and you did exactly what I expected
Because I spent my life building walls and was so well protected
But I leapt
I dared to love fully and relentlessly
And I was all in so I put it in ink.
I put it in air
I put it in touch
I cemented it in time and space.
And I regret it.
I don't regret the relentless love but I regret letting it see the surface
I regret letting you see all those lisa Frank feelings.
So colorful and magical and childlike
And I'm embarrassed.
Cause in the end you didnt deserve it
But now it's yours
And for the rest of your life you have the privilege of those memories that were birthed from a trust you betrayed
You'll get to look back and see how much I loved you
How hard I loved you
And I'll always see how it was too much
I'll always be mad that I went all in
Yet it wasn't enough for you to go all in for me
Staggering inequity
Now how will I dare to trust again?
How will I not temper the reckless abandon that makes it so exciting?
Love Is easy,
But taking that love. Those words. Those memories
and giving it matter
Depth
Sound
Touch
Color
That's a gift. It's the purest art.
So please just give them back so I can protect it better next time.
I think
Next time I'll just keep love in my heart.