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Her Oct 2024
my entire life
i have been using
my body

to get what i want
to manipulate situations
to numb my own mind
to feel in control

then somehow you

Nektarios
the patron saint
for those suffering
of heart troubles
along with many more

warmed me
at your first touch
warmed me
at your first sight

my cold heart
the one that was always
sharp around the edges
so sharp that people
would bleed out

yet not you

you gave me light
you gave me hope
you gave me love

you made me softer
you made me kinder

i thank you Nektarios
maria Oct 2024
That night I slept on a mattress on the floor.
And had I known then,
I would’ve
Embraced Your Grace to last me late.

Spread open on brawling ink
Tinted and olive in skin
And a breath hot and sour – disgusting.
That night I slept on a mattress on the floor.

And in he came
Wincing glory all purged might
With mirthful spite plus rage,
Employing a tetanus graze on my thigh.

You handle the comforters, force me down.
What I remember, by the grace of God
Is but a raven twilight.
And a single mangled wetting tear
On a blue tiled entresol.
Apeksha Ranjan Oct 2024
We know our relation
He is my dad
She is my mom
And I'm there daughter
But do they know
what I like
What I want
What's my favorite place
Who's my favorite person
No they don't
Neither I
My father was busy making money
And mother was busy doing house chores
They never got a chance
To tell
What do they like
Or to ask
What do I like
I know they care about me
But I guess
They don't know how to express it
In their language
This is called
LOVE.

-apeksha ranjan

But this love haunts me And make me feel sad!
Falling Awake Oct 2024
These knotted guts
eject my pulsating heart,
while I wait for my welfare
to imminently crumble–
I’m lunging from my vessel.

I frantically survey for danger,
but the culprits remain covert–
I turn up empty on my basis.

But failing to subside, I wonder…
do the wires of my diagnosis
wrap me in incessant neurosis?
Or has conditioning to trauma
trained my brain to fear?

Regardless I remain engulfed
by this looming devastation,
and my neck constantly aches
from looking over my shoulder.
aster Oct 2024
my mother's lullabies soothe the unearthed trauma of wasted tears and years spent wishing I would've never fantasized the wounds you've created.
perhaps in another lifetime, i will be complete.
n Oct 2024
i wish i could create something that would make you proud
anything good enough

but i know nothing could ever be good enough for you

i learned it from you first
i will never be good enough
not for anyone
and never myself
enough enough enough
never never never


i miss you most when im hating myself
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