I wish to understand, I wish oh how I wish. Will I ever be thee one to hold a gun toward myself to have a last moment of thought, before I pull the trigger toward one and regret it a second before my purposeful end?

What shall one do, if they are trapped inside their mind as they rot in bed with the flu? What would you do if you were trapped by thoughts of death and purpose? would we all end up with the same end, or maybe a twist to the plot?

the questions I beg mercy for thee to answer, will never ever be enough for thee as I only gave my words, not my tongue, nor my throat. What can one give, to hold the answer of life? Nothing, as thee will never tell.

Tears fall out of my eyes when I don't wish for them.
I don't understand why I am like this.
Is it my fault?
Or is it yours?
My body aches with exhaustion
when I already have been sleeping for years.
I am okay
At least, I tell myself that.

too tired to talk
too tired to get up
too tired to do school work
too tired to care
too tired to eat
too tired to do anything
but
s l o w l y
t y p e
t h i s
a w f u l
p o e t r y

I'm sorry I don't want to go to school
I'm sorry that I'm not "cool"
School is the thing that destroys me
Home and family is the only thing that puts me at ease
Something easy to seize
I wish I could isolate myself
I wish it was on the shelf
So I can purchase it
So I don't have to listen to anyone's *******
It's tiring
Overwhelming
So why do you have the guts to call me "entitled" when I don't want to go to school anymore
School doesn't even feel secure anymore
Whenever I open the door
I don't wanna be outside no more
People are the reason why I have such low self-esteem
People base me off a certain theme
People seem to be more violent these days
More fights these days
More school shootings these days
Which makes me terrified
And scared
And I always feel like I'm being stared
Always being judged
At school
I push myself the hardest at school
To the point where it's cruel
Yet, my grades had gone downhill
Then gotten still

School makes me feel disconnected
More than I expected
It's just like a curse
It makes life worse
It makes me think that my life is just a simple dream
Disconnection takes it to the extreme
Everyday
In every way
I just want to sleep
Without a peep
To make this curse go away

I'm always stuck listening to someone
Whenever I don't want to be listening to anyone
That just wants to talk nonstop
They always think they're on top
Whenever it's the complete opposite
I'm being approximate
It's annoying
It's tiring
To the point where I don't want to go to school
It's not because I'm a fool
Just because of the violent and annoying people from school
Is the reason why I don't want to open my door
Anymore

I'm always stuck doing school work
While still doing my own work
From my house
While I'm scrolling on my computer with my mouse
Looking at patterns to crochet with
Crocheting myths
Just to sell
Well

School is the reason why I don't take care of myself
School is the reason why I don't want to take care of myself
I'm too tired by the end of the day
My brain is completely fried by the end of the day
I swear I'm not lazy and not overdramatic
It's just that everything is so problematic
Everything takes so much effort to do one thing
It just makes me tired of everything

I have to sacrifice everything for school
Sacrifice my own life for school
Sacrifice my own sanity for school
Sacrifice my own emotions for school
Sacrifice my own thoughts for school
Sacrificing my own energy for school

Even though I'm supposed to be living my biggest dreams
Not writing down rhyme schemes
Just for some poetry
I can make an ancestry tree
Instead of doing some work that will most likely not help me in the future

School is stupid and a dumb concept
It's something that my parents cannot accept
The teachers barely even teach anything
They just talk about everything
Yet they are the ones who complain that we don't know anything
Some students are really dumb
They act like they're still ******* their thumb
Like they are a toddler
A word fiddler
Yet some students
Are students
That want to learn
Yet teachers aren't letting them learn
Instead, they are teaching nonsense
Things that don't make sense
And are teaching poorly
And cruelly
They don't give the kids a chance
And they don't enhance
Them
They're giving us low scores while they're giving them
Answer sheets for everything
Which is mind numbing

I hope no more students endure this
But the younger ones just want to hiss
It doesn't seem to change anytime soon