If I could have one last conversation with you
A final day in the sunshine I'd tell you I love you for the first time and the last. If there's one more thing I could teach you It would be that the way you're living armoured alone unforgiving is no way to live. But I'd say it in my head, send it through my exhales in the hopes it subconsciously reaches your ears, so as not to ruin the present moment. We're sitting in silence knees touching bodies leaning into each other so it all hurts less You'd stroke my eyelashes as they flutter with your fingertips I can't remember what your laugh sounds like anymore I can picture you laughing, but it's like a silent movie But I remember how your voice sounds as it cracks through your tears And I can see your restlessness even with my eyes open. I can feel your sadness Its weight I can still see imprinted on my love seat If I could tell you one more story about myself, To the version of you that was still open like a sunflower so willing to receive I would tell you that I'm tired of being scared done with hiding my need to be protected so tired of staying up all night guarding my own heart. I may require affection and love more than you're used to giving but you have seen my love move mountains for free and I need just once for someone to do the same for me. If I could meet you for the first time one last time I would share with you that I see your fears and I honour them sooner than I did before. I'd tell you you're safe here I would believe who you said you were the first time. If I were to say goodbye to you again a do-over an un-doing I would sit fully in that moment with you and thank you for your honesty forgive you for your shortcomings Accepting that you never really unpacked your bags Even though in my mind, we had already grown old together.
I can't understand why
I cant let him in Hes been nothing but kind But I'm stuck in my own skin How could he see me As beautiful and brave? I've lived in this body long enough And believe me it always caves. He can't look at me without smiling And its contagious, I do the same I want to know so much more about him What he hides from the world, what makes him afraid. I want to let my walls down for him But I'm so afraid to let him in I'm actually a lot to handle most days When he sees the real me theres no way I'll win I keep telling him I am messy I'm not sure he understands what that really means How can I explain how most days I hate myself And there are days I feel like I'm torn apart inside of me. How do I let someone new in With all the baggage I come along with I'm not sure where to even begin I should probably just quit. If theres one thing I'm good at Its self destruction at best I know hes gonna see that soon. I guess for now I'll give it a rest.
I'm surrounded by these four walls,
My thoughts bouncing off of them; Loud and clear. I find comfort in these four walls, Knowing that my cries for help never leave, That when I wail at night no one can get to me. I also feel trapped by these four walls, They make me feel small, The white colour blinding me when I come up for air each time. But these four walls know me better than anyone else here, They know the real me. Because when I leave these four walls every morning, I leave as a new me.
its been a while since I've written on this website. it feels odd to be back.
I hope this poem makes sense in some way.
Sun dried pages of a book
you've carried around long before the first day your father picked you up and you felt what it meant to be free. The cover scratched from the cobblestone walkway leading up to your front door, the one where mom always greeted you with a smile that defined the meaning of home. Coffee stained corners from the first all nighter you pulled, the day you learned to keep your thoughts tucked away inside your bag instead of out in the open where drinks and feelings are easily spilled. Two covers stuffed with a life times worth of letters arranged into stories that haven't felt like your own in years. Paper filled with unfamiliar feelings flee your fingertips and you realize, you haven't been concerned with holding on for a while now anyway. Sometimes the pages stop making sense, and all that's left to do is drop the book completely and create a new one. And you use what you learned, but leave it behind
His eyes are a different color
His hand in mine feels odd His words sound familiar His strength more obvious His love more secure
It’s funny how we cave away, rot, and decay
But the beauty that stands, is held in the other hand We love to hate what we create or we fall in our own grave We try to be wise and not give into disguise However sly ones with a grin can trick you from within Never do we have the right plan for escape or a veil of protection, like a cape But we do learn from our mistake The beauty of this play Is it’s actually more like a game It’s your choice if you’d like to play or stay away In the end we all cave away, rot, and decay But the beauty that stands is played by the hidden hand, this game can end No more “play-pretend” ©Jessica Stull
When you put pride aside
The sun has set
The birds have stopped singing The wind whispers for me to go home now This field is no longer for two The ground has hardened beneath me and you’re no longer enjoying the view Our path is covered in weeds Where the flowers use to be No more purple and pink to dress our feet Only black and blue remain For they have left a stain I follow our foot prints back to the road For now it’s time to take the long way home Only this time I’ll be doing it alone… - K.B.
I wish I’d known you longer,
Met earlier, been stronger. I wish I’d not spent those years, Without you, with all those fears. I wish that our paths had crossed, Met earlier, I’d been lost. I wish I’d have had the chance, Without you, knew not romance. I wish I had known your name Met earlier, it’s a shame. I wish I’d known who you were Without you, past life’s a blur. I wish that though we never Met earlier, forever I wish endless love and so Without you, I never know.
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We are our blood
all of the family ties that bind us keep us in our place In the same country towns on roads we walked with backpacks dreaming of the beyond The things we said we'd do to keep our parents happy the school plays and good grades Sometimes it's all too much being the good one or knowing you have to grow up Sometimes there is nothing more than being nameless in the wilderness with no expectations to weigh us down with no scars from the past born brand new
A Poem a Day : Three