I can't understand why
I cant let him in
Hes been nothing but kind
But I'm stuck in my own skin

How could he see me
As beautiful and brave?
I've lived in this body long enough
And believe me it always caves.

He can't look at me without smiling
And its contagious, I do the same
I want to know so much more about him
What he hides from the world, what makes him afraid.

I want to let my walls down for him
But I'm so afraid to let him in
I'm actually a lot to handle most days
When he sees the real me theres no way I'll win

I keep telling him I am messy
I'm not sure he understands what that really means
How can I explain how most days I hate myself
And there are days I feel like I'm torn apart inside of me.

How do I let someone new in
With all the baggage I come along with
I'm not sure where to even begin
I should probably just quit.

If theres one thing I'm good at
Its self destruction at best
I know hes gonna see that soon.
I guess for now I'll give it a rest.

I'm surrounded by these four walls,
My thoughts bouncing off of them;
Loud and clear.

I find comfort in these four walls,
Knowing that my cries for help never leave,
That when I wail at night no one can get to me.

I also feel trapped by these four walls,
They make me feel small,
The white colour blinding me when I come up for air each time.

But these four walls know me better than anyone else here,
They know the real me.
Because when I leave these four walls every morning,
I leave as a new me.

Sun dried pages of a book
you've carried around
long before the first day
your father picked you up
and you felt what it meant to be free.

The cover scratched
from the cobblestone walkway
leading up to your front door,
the one where mom always greeted you
with a smile that defined the meaning of home.

Coffee stained corners
from the first all nighter you pulled,
the day you learned
to keep your thoughts tucked away inside your bag
instead of out in the open where drinks and feelings are easily spilled.

Two covers stuffed
with a life times worth of letters
arranged into stories
that haven't felt like your own in years.

Paper filled with unfamiliar feelings
flee your fingertips and you realize,
you haven't been concerned
with holding on for a while now anyway.

Sometimes the pages stop making sense,
and all that's left to do
is drop the book completely
and create a new one.

                And you use what you learned,
                                    but leave it behind

His eyes are a different color
His hand in mine feels odd
His words sound familiar
His strength more obvious
His love more secure

I wish I’d known you longer,
Met earlier, been stronger.
I wish I’d not spent those years,
Without you, with all those fears.

I wish that our paths had crossed,
Met earlier, I’d been lost.
I wish I’d have had the chance,
Without you, knew not romance.

I wish I had known your name
Met earlier, it’s a shame.
I wish I’d known who you were
Without you, past life’s a blur.

I wish that though we never
Met earlier, forever
I wish endless love and so
Without you, I never know.