I had a thought —
it slipped.
A line to speak —
just clipped.

I meant to say
what’s wrong,
but maybe I
came on too strong.

My chest said go,
my mouth said wait.
My throat just held
a heavy weight.

I wrote it down —
then backspaced all.
It felt too weak,
it felt too small.

I wish I could
explain this fear,
but words run dry
when you get near.

So if I stall
or start to shake —
it’s not a game,
it isn’t fake.

It’s just that when
my mind gets loud,
my voice gets lost
inside the crowd.

an•thro•po•pho•bia (n)
the fear of rejection

example: i have about 20 different personalities, none of them my real one, made for different people
i don't really know who i actually am anymore, but if someone were to not like me i might **** myself on the spot

cause: learned behavior

Arms linked, thoughts linked
One person in two bodies

𖠋𖠋

They crack the same jokes,
They sing the same songs

It's difficult to belong
Among people that are linked

𖠋𖠋  𖠋

But today, you took my arm in yours,
Adjoined me to your chain

Today I felt like one of you—
If only for a little while

𖠋𖠋𖠋

Mirror mirror
On the wall
Will they love me
After all?

Mirror mirror
On the wall
Will I ever love me
Once and for all.

there’s something hard in my heart.
could it be a tumor? a mass?
no, it’s worse than that.
it’s doubt.

all-consuming, destructive doubt,
that eats away at my sternum and ribs,
disorienting me at every chance it gets.

doubt catches me in the undertow,
and throws me every which way,
until I ask myself:
"why did I want to swim in the first place?"

You Talk, i listen.
That’s the way this works.

You ramble and You monologue,
while i keep my lips pursed.

i wonder if You’ll notice,
i haven’t said a word..

But you simply entertain Yourself,
and i remain unheard.

at school not a word leaves my mouth
but if I decide to talk
I end up regretting it
my anxiety flares up
my face feels hot and prickly
my back heats up
my hands begin to tremble
my heart pounds in my chest
my breathing quickens
my surroundings don't feel real
so I press my lips together
and let myself stay the quiet kid

I have no idea how to make friends
I don't know what to say
or to talk about
I don't know if I talk too much
and will scare them away
I try my best
but I'm not sure if it's good enough
I want more friends
and I'm trying to put myself out there

I could be talkative if I wanted to
but I worry that I might say the wrong thing
or say too much
or be annoying
I don't want to be annoying or too much
I don't want to burden people with
spewing words out
I don't want them to feel obligated to listen
so instead I shut my mouth
and become the quiet kid
therefore I won't be bothersome