All these beautiful trips,
With a suitcase filled with my sanity
On a trailer running on actual reality,
Sometimes I just wish
The people I care for from this world
Could maybe come and keep me company.
It gets lonely sometimes, but this trailer
Only has a single seat for the driver
Who is indeed, me.
People now worry,
But I can only take my foot off
The gas when I reach a place with no misery
In this very dimension we currently live in.
But how much longer will the drive
Take for my joy to no longer come to me naturally?
For now, it’s an endless trip,
Where pit stops are needed,
And sometimes they last a whole week.

Why is it that I only feel alive,
When there is no longer a sense of time.
I guess it makes sense,
The time on your life stops when
Your heart gives out, right?
I’m very much alive, physically at least,
But sometimes I want to feel it more,
So on nights like these,
Shrooms and a glass of sangria
Is all I really need.
I don’t need help,
This is how my spirit and inner peace
Violently, yet so gracefully, intertwine.
I won’t respond to you,
As in this moment, in this world, I am no longer alive,
But trust when I say that
Several dimensions away,
I’m doing just fine.

Oh my bittersweet Blue Dream,
How I longed for you all my life.
You opened my eyes and showed me
Just how the ocean lovingly held the sky.
Closed lids, my soul feels alive,
It’s true that you can only dream
When your spirit finds peace,
With you, there’s no need for such thing as time.
Running through this field of you,
Dilated pupils, a broadened field of view,
I’m no longer blinded,
As I stare deeper into your green eyes,
Your embrace brings me closer
To the joy that was once so hard to find.
You’re deep in my lungs,
You’re my blessing, my sweet bliss,
In my bloodstream is where I call you mine.

Why do I **** with you,
When all that we do is,
******* and bang,
Every time we hang,
And this is not okay,
For someone who's slightly insane,
And I've got addiction issues already,
And now you adding in this **** is so heavy,
Before it was just ***** I tripped over,
Now it's the white stuff that's keeping me from gettin sober,
And I crave it like I crave your attention,
But I don't really ever get it,
And it bothers me,
Why can't you see,

That we're not good together, we are not healthy,
And I just for once want someone who's going to push me,
To be better, and not just to settle for good enough,
But you just want to be friends who hang and do drugs,

And I'm not okay,
I haven't known how to say,
That I'm not alright,
And I'm slowly losing the fight,
But I know my suicidal fits,
They scare you more than a bit,
And you'll run away,
Taking my new friend *******,
Can I just can't have that,
So I stay alive for a fix and my cat,
Cause she needs me too,
And I don't know what to do,
Because I've got a new couple of addictions,
And I'm starting to have withdrawal  from your lack of attention,

But we're not good together, we are not healthy,
And I just for once want someone who's going to push me,
To be better, and not just to settle for good enough,
But you just want to be friends who hang and do drugs.

is like someone
holding your ******* eyes wide open
shining a torch into your brain
everything revealed
no shadows
dark corners
hiding places
disguises
pretences
bolt holes
you are who you are
and all you want to do
is come up and drop out
turn the light out

I miss you every single day,
I'm sorry you don't feel the same way,
And I won't use this as an excuse,
To reach for some Jose or a noose,
Because this is toxic **** that needs to go,
Right out the door, and lock the window,
Because there's too much hurt and pain,
In the short amount of time you made me insane,

Papi, I liked the way you did things in bed,
And yeah, I got a little addicted to the way you gave head,
But nothing is worth my sobriety or my life,
So that's why this is last text you'll get from me, Goodbye,

Because even though you were my everything,
I feel like I was in the end I was your nothing,
And that makes me feel like complete and utter ****,
So even though I won't drink, maybe I'll take a hit,
Yeah, maybe that's not healthy, maybe it's the opposite,
But at this point I'll do anything not to give in,
To giving in and messaging you again,
Because this, this is the end,

Papi, I liked the way you did things in bed,
And yeah, I got addicted to the way you gave head,
But nothing is worth my sobriety or my life,
So that's why this is last text you'll get from me, Goodbye.

another day another mistake
these bad habits I can't seem to break
it's as if they posses a mind of their own
my will wavers whichever way the wind is blown

indulge in excess
time and time again
I repeat the process
repent then sin

rinse and repeat
the guilt consumes me
I never seem to learn
at least not fully

even when I spend months on end
sober and free and conscious again
the cycles always draw me near
like a siren's song I can't unhear

I return to hell to make my bed
and as I lay in it - soul half dead
I come to terms with the fact
that this was my consciously chosen path

I sat there with drink in hand
wondering what I was doing with my life
how could I expect things to change
or to ever make this woman my wife?

Next day I walked into a room
full of people I did not know
but as soon as they told their stories
it was as if I started to glow

"Keep coming back," they said
and so that's exactly what I did
they help me one day at a time
as this addiction, I try to rid

9 months I've gone now
without having poured a drink
all the things they've taught me
it really makes you stop and think

So trust in this new beginning
and the direction I'm heading in
for in these rooms I've found myself
and developed brand new kin