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Kai Sep 28
I had his trust
Until I didnt
I ****** up and lost his trust
What will happen?
Who knows.
The depression has been worse
Maybe a few cuts
How bout some pills?
How bout smoking?
A couple drinks?
All just to make the pain go away
The thoughts are to much.
Lack of sleep
Lack of food
Lack of emotion.
How about i just grab the blade?
Add some new scars.
Go deeper this time
How about i take some old meds?
Just a few
How about i smoke and drink?
To forget about the pain
To clear my mind.
It seems I cant do anything right
I never will do anything right.
Shattered glass on the side of a road.
Thrown out of a car window.
By a drunk.
On a highway.

Was once filled.
Once used and useful.
A bottle of *****.
Chilled.
And bought when needed.

When one needs to forget.
When one's mind has become their worst enemy.
Their own mind.
And it plays their worst memories.
Like a sick and twisted *** tape.
Haunting.

Like those nights.
Words, screams, shouts.
Glass breaking, doors slamming, knives slicing.
Sweat dripping, tears dropping, blood spilling.

Then the silence.

And the recovery.
Though that's not what it really is...

Shattered glass on the side of the road.
Not from a bottle.
From a car window
A car with its bonnet a tree.
And a smiling dead body in the driver seat.
And their last thought being 'finally'
Rain Sep 26
The lines on my thighs,
Paint and tell stories.
About my lows and highs,
About my hurt and loneliness.

Some blur together,
Story behind each forgotten.
Just a permanent keeper,
Of pain once written.

But some I can point to,
Tell you exactly who caused it.
The story of what they put me through,
How they made me wanna quit.

I won’t do that anymore,
I’ll accept that life hurts.
I won’t do what I did before,
I’ll put it into words.
Sometimes, I tend to
watch blood
as I make it gush
out of my body
like it hates me
too.
I'm sorry.
Brooke Sep 24
The blade glides my skin
like paper,
like sheets at school
My old self is covered with,
permanent unbearable scars-
my youth is now ruined
when i look back i realise,
i've ruined her
the happy little girl i once was
i've damaged her
shes never going to forgive me
i'm never going to forgive myself.
yeah.
Lostling Mar 5
Black and blue marks
On my arm—
Ink, of course. What else?
Words, thoughts, feelings, fears
Written, smudged, then erased.
Leftover streaks,
They wash away
With a smidge of soap and water.
And yet…
I can’t help but remember
When I wrote
With mechanical pencils
And staple bullets
Instead of ballpoint pens
And gel ones.
When I watched the ink,
A gorgeous shade of rubies,
Trickle
Down to my wrist
Like a rivulet of lava.
Now, the fire has long faded
Leaving white ashes
That won’t come off
“It was a cat that did it.”
Kai Aug 29
The luck we have
The fact I cant use them.
I want to
I want to feel the sting
To see the red bubbling up on my skin
To feel the blade dragging across my thigh
I want the blood to drip
To drip down my thigh
I thought I was ok
Guess I'm not
Just my luck
I didn't sh. I wanted to but I didn't
Lostling Aug 29
Tight skin throbbing
Under sleeves long

Prickling hums
Growing red and warm

Sweat trickles
Lines start to ache

Nails making sure
They never fade
I just keep picking at them
Trust me, I know it.
I knew it before you said it
before you knew it
before you even thought it.

I wasn't always like this and you know that.
I was vibrant and happy and free and reckless and joyous and dramatic and full and...
and...
and everything was beautiful.

But I know I'm not like that anymore.
Life has pushed me to the ground, held me there and made me watch.
I watched the life disappear from my eyes.
You didn't see it.

You didn't see me looking at myself in the mirror everyday.
Watching the confidence and light drain from my body like water running through a riptide.

So, yes.
Yes, I know I'm not, in your words, "The right head, no offence."
The polite way of calling me ****** in the head.
I know that.
I watch it get worse and worse evey day.
Until my clock stops ticking.
i WAS 21 days clean.
Arpitha Aug 16
SH
War inside my head
Should I or should I not?
Hand inches towards it
My brain eggs on
I somehow stop myself this time
But will be I able to next time?
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