misery is when
the phases of the moon
are all there is left
to look forward to

mother dearest
tell me when this hellhole of a house
is meant to start feeling like a home
tell me when my body
will stop feeling like a misaligned,
jumbled mess of skin and bones

mother dearest
tell me when my heart will stop hurting
over people i lost but never got to meet
tell me when i'll stop feeling sorry
for all my lost dreams
i let get crushed beneath my feet

mother dearest
tell me how i'm expected to let myself be loved
when not even you
afforded me that luxury i dreamed of
when not even you
would take me as i am; tell me
how am i meant to feel loved ever again

mother dearest
tell me how it's possible
to claim to love your own
and yet at the same time
to leave them
all
alone

mother dearest
i still love you

[after] it happened
there was not [much] else
i [thought,] about
nothing
had ever hurt me [this] much
i stayed up for days
and barely ate for days after that,
thinking, "this all there [is]
and this is all there ever will be"
and [my] insides caved in
my [last] home
had crumbled
had withered away like the rest of them
had said "[goodbye.]"
without even uttering a word
well,
these are my words:
[i'm] [sorry.]

there are times where
i can't quite get myself
to say "we"

somehow it feels too intimate
somehow, it feels as though
i'm crossing lines i should not
by referring to "us" as one

even "you and i"
seems to blur
these invisible lines

i don't know quite yet
but i'd like to think
there's still time

they were more for comfort, anyway
so i didn't think it mattered
that the end of the laces began to fray
and the exterior was tattered

it was more for my own peace
so i paid it no mind
how it hung well past my knees
or how the white had greyed with time

they soothed the lonely nights
so i think i felt upset
and when they left without a goodbye
i guess i feel regret

if you don't fit
into a space
it's okay
you'll find your place
not everybody
is made the same
and if you don't know yet
you will someday

wake up, it's September again
time to love my friends and make amends with myself
i'm trying to gain altruistic ecstasy through things aside from wealth
from my hands i will rise and from my mind i will provide
i'm uncovering the distant parts of my heart that i let die
i'm an optimist with experience and i hope you don't ask why
a mischievous gust of wind sets my sails to another try
opened eyes and ears, surpassing over thought fears
i'm finally remembering how to get here
lost maps and closed hands
i’m opening up and lifting my head
contemplating this moment and releasing the dread
light fills me up and i can't come down
i wake up once again, only this time i'm found

The chill autumn breeze
The tall and brown rustling trees
Come dead falling leaves