I awake with a start, from the heat
as if you were lying heavy on me

I don't make a sound, sleepily I turn
the duvet down. You are not here

The door is locked
it's quiet in the house

I think of Missy in the other room
see her eyes light up in the basket

pricked up at the slightest sound
I make, a sigh

turning my pillow over
the thought of a caress

Being in love may be enough
care and company, I can organise

I shouldn't want everything
and yet I must, I want to

give myself everything
as much as possible

I will never have a utility
Never sit pretty on a shelf
Never have a use
For somebody else

I will never be advertised
On a bright flashy sign
Saying hey here, look dear
Don’t she look divine

I will never be sold
I will never be bought
And as long as I live I’ll never be caught

For there’s no hunter for a catch like me
And there are plenty a pretty fish in the sea

Today I can look in the mirror and see myself
752 days and one major surgery later but wow I see myself

I don’t identify as anything but ME
If you need a definition use a dictionary
But for some people, life is about
more than gender, ***, and sexuality

To Yemaya,

Am I enough?
I've given you everything
I've hollowed myself out I have nothing left to give
my new shell is delicate and fragile
yet you do not handle it with care
Do you not have love for me at all?

From Yemaya,
February 2021