The shadow that never leaves
That breathes beneath my skin
Like I am paying penance for an unknown sin
The voice of the girl who I loved tears me down
Leaving me with histories frown
I come from the sixteen year old who suffered from psychosis
I didn't choose this
Does it mean that I am cursed?
Though the reaction is immersed in a painful ache
When I lay in bed awake
When I think of all I could have been
If not weighed down by all my regrets
I live in corner of nowheres ville
The words left unsaid still hurt
Sometimes I blurt them out when I am alone
To the voice that talks inside my head
Does she know how much it stings
To be king of nothing.

My depression tells me I'm not wanted
My ADHD tells me to go find someone who will want me because sitting here won't change anything
My anxiety tells me to hide from anyone who might want to talk to me
While my bi polar argues about if it's worth talking to anyone or not
My psychosis tells me that everyone I could need is in my mind
While showing me things I don't want to see
How do you find your point in life
When your head keeps telling you otherwise?

A crease runs from left to right,
diagonally,
but I constantly look at the
Box Brownie picture to
remember the agony
which is some form of therapy or
so the therapist tell me.


I'm improving
but nothing's proved yet
and the older I get
the better I feel I will be
or so the therapist tells me

but she would wouldn't she?

There are monsters in my head,
I'm afraid they want me dead.
They scream and whisper in my ears,
filling my mind with unusual fears.

I feel everyone's eyes in my back,
I am no longer safe, I fear an attack.
They're poisoning you with their food.
Can't you see you're being used

Stop it! Leave me! I thrash about,
I would give my life just to have them out.
Just give in to us, then you'll see
No, you'll never get the best of me.

peeking through
slowly, carefully
through the cracks
in my brain
the cracks
of reality

how would it feel
being present in
my mind and my body
feeling real, feeling safe
my brain is vicious,
seeping poison running
through black tinted veins

i am Alice
falling down the hole
again