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Eighteen years old with a big ego.
But I can't love myself - that's a big no.
Who the **** have I become? I don't know.
Now I look just like them - from head to toe.
They got me all ****** up - I'm real low.
Got holes in my plans but can't forgo.
Gotta fight for the real me - can't let go.
Cause fake people can't tie me down no mo'.
I'l rise above and watch them burn below.
As they trade love for hatred - quid pro quo.
Haiden Rose Feb 2015
make a google search with these two simple words,
youll find a treasure chest of something people call inspiration-
i call it a tomb, 9 parts rotting bones 1 part lost souls,
find cute tips and tricks
on how to carve yourself away, slowly reducing yourself to nothing.
because this is whats beautiful,
this is what all the boys want-
they crave for delicate skin that cant be hugged without bruising,
they wish for clumps of hair in the shower drain,
midnight breakdowns,
stubborn refusals to eat anything but a salad,
is this what we're calling perfection?
hollow eyes and thin hair,
we are walking skeletons with skin,
and i would say heartbeat,
but heaven knows that heart doesnt want to be beating.

stomach pumps and late night hospital visits,
it's just a diet!
memorized calorie counts and avoided family meals,
theres nothing wrong!
waves of laxatives washing away your happiness,
this is not beauty.
this is not fashionable.

go to the tab labeled images,
youll find pictures of girls with happy smiles and dead eyes tagged #thinspiration,
skinny girl diets, every five days dont forget to fast!
rib cages are on the inside of our bodies for a reason,
since when has turning your body inside out become the new fad?

i too was a trap to this beast,
because having anything resembling a stomach with food inside of it
is a turn off for all the men out there,
but apparently bodies so light they could be *** toys
are the perfect things for them to ****.
shed all your self esteem along with the weight,
if you get any lighter im afraid you'll float away.

so support anorexia, the diet that makes us beautiful,
because this what the pretty girls do, the popular girls,
the girls that called you a pig in the girls restroom when you were 7,
get rid of all those bad memories,
the horrid names you were called,
along with the weight keeping you stuck on this hell they call earth.
Heidi Mason Jan 2015
the thought of a boy
being all googly eyes over me
sounds great
the thought of a boy
crushing my heart
when he is done with me
isn't so great

the thought of a boy
being by my side every time
I need his voice the most
sounds like a blessing
to my young soul

the thought of that same boy
calling me names
when we are out of love
hurts me more than
the break up
of our
Emily Ward Jun 2014
Anorexia is not collar bones.
It is the smell rotting of flesh as you dismantle your body bit by bit.
Anorexia is not a thigh gap, it is your knees so weak they shake as you fall to the ground.

Anorexia is not self control. It is the feeling of utter hopelessness as your life tornados into a blizzard of nothingness.

Anorexia is not fashionable. It is your mother’s sobbing eyes as she sees her child dying
Anorexia is not 80 pounds. It is the weight of a thousand pulsing suns on your shoulders.
A thick black cloud in your mind, and rules spelled out like chains pulling you towards the ground.
No matter what measure of gravity that you have in this earth, it still hurts, it’s still real.
So to you 'pro anas' who so blindly say 'hunger hurts, but starving works' think before you act.
Suffering is an addiction, please do not harm yourself with this affliction.
- *Emily Ward
I wrote this when i was in a unit recovering from anorexia. The main reason for it was to highlight to people who are pro anorexia, the real and disabling effects of this illness. To highlight that it is not a fashion statement or a 'fad' diet.

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