You guys are smiling and making jokes
You tell me I should really be working
I tell you I'm too tired to work right now
I'm not tired
Well, I am, but that's not why I'm not working
I just can't breathe
I know I'm not alone, but I feel completely alone and I don't know Why I'm feeling so hollow
Make it stop. Please.
You don't notice though.
Maybe it's better that you don't.
I'll keep listening to sad music and wonder why I'm feeling so empty when nothing is even wrong
And you keep not knowing how horrible I feel
Because you have problems a lot worse than mine, for sure
I don't want to tell you, because you don't deserve to have to listen to my sadness on top of your own
And I feel selfish if I tell you
I just don't know who to talk to
And even though I'm surrounded by people
I. Feel. So. Lonely. I. Feel. Like. I. Have. Died.

"you okay?"
"no, i'm close to tears,
i'm close to a breakdown,
an anxiety attack.
i'm exhausted.
i'm falling apart
so ******* quietly
that you can't hear.
I want to scream,
god, I just want you to know.
I just can't tell you."
"i'm kinda tired, that's all"

Tortured
Loathed
Hurt

Oh, but no, no. Of course I'm fine.
After all, in this society, it is not okay to be not okay.

choking on the words that wouldn't let you be.
everyone tried to show you, even me.

biting your fingers and twisting your hair,
it wont make it easier.
not one bit, i swear.

stubborn, even stuck.
do you ever wonder whats with your twisted luck?

reaching out for a helping hand,
you're down on your knees.
the pressure wont let you stand.

your chest tightens and you begin to lose the ability to see.
you think to yourself "i can't be okay, this isn't me".  

you long for that pill,
it makes you feel alright.
it gives you the guts to walk alone at night.

the man made medicine floats through the veins in your skin.
the excruciating experience is just about over.
so when your tongue unties and you can focus,
just promise me one thing.

promise me it wont take you,
promise you wont let it win.

*-dh

my life is like a poem
stuck onto the side of a cold hard fridge
the way my body lays
on the cold hard ground
trying to put the pieces together
in a way that makes sense
so you think that im not hurt
by what im forming in my head
under the sting of the ray that falls
through your magnifying glass
shifting every now and then
to cover up the stains

there is nothing more that i can say
i just want it all to stop
each and everyday

i've tried to stay calm
but no matter how hard i try
i'll always go back to self harm

i'm hurting, can't you see?
but no, of course you don't
because it's all inside of me

all of my demons and nightmares
are keeping this pain alive
for me; it's the end, i fear

so at least for today
let's just skip the part
where we pretend that i'm okay.

I'm not okay,
And that's okay
Because with You,
My future's safe.