I'm a cherub but i'm far
From innocent
But even my somewhat prepared self
Was far from ready for this.

We met and she made her intentions clear.
Over some drinks at a bar
"I just got out of a relationship and I need
Someone to take my mind off it, think you're up for the job?"

I was shocked at her brutal honesty
So I nodded in agreement
Hoping that maybe, just maybe
I don't wander too far off the deep end
With her this evening...

Kiss of life?
More like lips I've never touched because I had about as much Appeal as a rotten banana during my formative years
No tears now cause that was ages ago and as time goes on unstoppable like an Amtrak train
I'll maintain something close to esteem of myself while not holding too much for anyone else
What else can I write complexly laid rhymes about besides lack of esteem and crippling self doubt like Nathan Peterman after 2 pick 6's during another buffalo Bill's rout.
Kiss of life?

What's a kiss even like?

Ever see a face and see nothing but reassurance?
I know it's an odd sentiment but i'm going to need you to let me explain
This thought that's on my brain
It's insane I know, but when I see your face
Im reassured somehow, that things will be alright
When I see your eyes somehow I find peace only rivaled by chamomile tea
When I see your smile I feel butterflies and feel hope in my chest and nothing but thoughts reminiscent of beautiful music take residence behind my eyes...

I know it's a strange sentiment but I hope you understand the compliment

They say that team work
Makes the dream work
Well... if that's true then boy do I have a
Surprise for you
My head and mouth couldn't get on the same page even if they were two periods in a book.
And it's far from a good luck. Matter of fact it could crack a mirror purely out of frustration in my case
I feel like my will for making this work has been debased
I can't even find the strength to debate this with what's left of my self, oh well...

-Neroamee Alucard

There's that stinking
Sinking feeling
In the pit
Of my brain

"You're a burden.
Dead weight
Carry your load
You're better off
Being nothing
But vapor in the air"

I've run from this feeling
By writing
Escaping into the page
Expressing sadness, lust and outrage
Into these words Instead of a shameful display
But how can you run from something
That follows you night and day?
Try as you might to escape...

Looking into a blank page is one of the most harrowing experiences you can undertake
The whole thing changes with every line you write, every brushstroke you make
Every risk you take on the page may not always be indelible
They can be erased from the paper but not the mind, aside from intervention that happens to be divine
But the mind twins spins twists and does the splits for the creative... maybe it needs to rest once in awhile as it spills like lactating... even though mine is far from the best.

This honestly could be a series
About what the eyes, the windows to the soul
Simply cannot see.
They aren't able to register someone feeling like they're falling apart
Or someone like me who can't seem to bring it together
But it's whatever.
The eyes can't see years of name calling throughout school to cackling laughter
Feeling alone and wondering if you can get yourself
And some rope up to the gym rafters
I'll have you know that the eyes are pricelessly important organs needed for our everyday lives
But sometimes, sometimes i do wish we as a society could see

What our eyes simply cannot see.

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

Although our paths may cross our roads are very different
We can intersect and end up in different places spaces occupied by life's unchanging eyes
But despite this interplay and crossroading we still can't seem to find harmony despite all our advances and abilities to share our lives and perspectives with others
For all the hate i see out there, you'd think there'd be just as many lovers

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

There are so many voices in this global choir
So many choices at the places we go to, it takes less energy to love and unite and we perspire to hate and divide, not aspire to be as one gigantic family under the sun
And if not now, then when will that wonderful day come?

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

I rolled over.
I was asleep, but then.... nothing
Again.
Air and emptiness
Darkness laughing in my face
No one there occupying this space
No face to gently smile at,
No soft body to hold onto,
No one person who i know has my back.

I smiled and thought, "how did it end up this way?"
And then i remembered "oh right everyone I've ever cared about lives arbitrarily far away."
See,  whenever i meet someone new my brain goes on shuffle with no pause button, tangents fly like seagulls and eagles in every single discussion

My own brain is responsible for the love i lack
So i rolled over the other way, turning my back...

-Neroamee Alucard

"You're handsome nephew, how are you single?"
Im not auntie, but thanks for the compliment.
I know mirrors lie and photographs exaggerate
But I'm not when i say I've never felt any reason
To truly believe that statement
Its grated into my head that I'm... just there in all reality
Not exemplary, not on the other side of unpresentable
Just... there.

"But you're so sweet anyone would be lucky to have you!"

I mean i try to not be an inconsiderate pile of garbage because that's not how i was raised to behave but for some reason not being argumentative over the littlest things or going out cheating is misconstrued as a lack of testosterone or an unwillingness to stand up for myself or my own... that's part of why i take my feelings out not on my S.O. but in poems...

"You'll find someone eventually!"
I appreciate the thought but i doubt it seriously
I'm serially alone, which someone will have to work a near miracle to overcome
But no one is gonna do that, so alone I'll remain like i live on the other side of the sun