I’m trying to find my flowers,
I’ve lost them along the way,
skipping through my garden
on a bright and sunny day.
I didn’t mean to lose them,
I need to bring them back.
My poor garden is empty now,
no colours, only black.
Sometimes I skip too fast,
some people think I’m crazy.
Sometimes I hand them out,
all my roses and my daisies,
my tulips and my lilies;
sunflowers and bluebells.
I’m trying to spread some beauty
before I go through hell.
As fast as flowers grow
my sky will turn dark grey,
and then I’m left alone
on an unsuspecting day.
I have to pace myself,
I’m not a flower girl.
Sometimes my mind takes over
sending me in a whirl.
I want to share some beauty
but I’d like some colours too,
something left to show me
where all my flowers grew.

I guess I hoped that you
Would get some sleep last night
That come the break of dawn
Things would be alright

But here we are again
And you haven’t slept a wink
Relapse is a ghastly cavern
And you’re standing on the brink

You’re smiling like a maniac
And you rattle on and on
But I was up late worrying
Forgive me if I yawn

Your eyes are open wide
Like you’ve had too much caffeine
I know where this is going
But you’ve made it three years clean

If you could just get sleep
Maybe you’d wake up okay
And these monsters that you battle
Would simply go away

I lie to myself now
Just so I can make it through
I know that you’re in pain
But don’t you know, I’m hurting too?

I know it’s not my battle
And I can’t make you see the light
But I’m so tired of the darkness
And I’m so weary from the fight

And I guess I hoped by now
That this would’ve come to pass
But since it didn’t, won’t you try
To get some sleep at last

Words go past me but I don't hear them
People wave at me but I don't see them
Thoughts run through me like a dream
with darkness following...

.... Then suddenly the world is filled with
vibrant hues of technicolor
My eyes once damp with tears dilate with the cosmic energy of the stars
All my troubles far in the distance
nothing can touch me
I feel power inside me
Why bend the knee to the arms of an angry God?
When you can pay worship to the temple of my body?
Though I am drenched with blood and sin
my heart is fragile with expectation

Body pacing while my heads racing
Anger surfacing replaced by euphoric feeling
Thoughts are tangling each dropping like its raining
A thought falling then pooling till they hit the ceiling

What am I feeling, something different than moments ago
Am I happy, sappy, mad maybe I just cant tell I dont know
All I know is feeling are crashing and I'm caught in the undertow
Electricity grabbed me, body pulsing it won't let go

All I can do is sit and wait as every cell vibrates
Wait for time to make it all turn quiet
Patience while everything in me riots
Silence while screaming have to try it

abrupt start
sort of head rush?
lump in throat
tingling, almost like leg falling asleep
but pleasant
moves slow and deliberate
sometimes gets stuck, pauses in thighs and upper arms

like drinking ginger ale on and air plane

Smashed skull mentality.
Altered states of mind/ sober all the time
Slick, sickly cycling. Dreaming of love and of dying
Slimy sucky lust
No trust but I'm trying
Sticky fingers; Blue, brown, green eyes
Why do I appreciate, have mercy for every soul but my own?
This might be a house but it isn't a home.
Sweaty naked bodies, distasteful escape.
Wasteful mind
Bring me your time.
Minefield life just trying to survive most days.
Brain waves moody haze with your hand in mine I am thriving.
Pillow soft lips a kiss away from drowning in a strangers' eyes.

Endless longing set the days on fire.
Time warp, essential sensuality
Warm breeze running through my mind
Black poison blood, sweat, c*m, and confusion populate my veins.
A race toward brokenheartedness or objectivity
Lift the curse of eternal shame.
Forgotten toxicity embalmed in simplicity and transparency
Complacency, erasing a disgusting history
Bury me in the laurels you rest on.

I'm not really a poet, but I'll write a poem anyway.
Reading a good poem is like c*mming, but for your soul
I don't know whether to be insulted or to thank you for calling me a succubus.
Humans make my brain hurt. Yes, that includes me.
I don't know what I want but I'm pretty sure I'll get it.
I think I'd be a better writer if I didn't think so much.
Can't tell if I'm "need to eat" hungry or if it's the black hole in my chest beckoning to be fed.
Some days live wire lust for life
Others, the walking dead.
(Un)Inspired Pyro
You don't have to rhyme to be a poem.
How sweet it is!

Welcome to my headspace
Please leave your expectations at the door
Disordered psyche, impulsivity and indecision have branded me a wh*re
I want to be much then more
Humming,sighing, everything’s a bore. Screaming, crying, slumped on the floor.
Everything’s too much. Life and love are not enough.
The fist that’s beating the hope out of me is my own neurotic instability.
Insecurity, emotionally and financially draining me.
Return me to the sea where I have always belonged.
No longer defined by my wrongs,
Or the wrongs that have been done unto me.
Rather entangled with an indescribable longing
To be strong, independent, comfortable.
For the ability to know that where I am is where I belong.
Lost in breathing moments.
I exist I exist I exist