tears like bullets scarred the floors
and the floors were made of gold.
the couch was soaked in tears and i could see my fears.

i didn't know I had claws for fingers and ice for my skin.
and confusion became more familiar to me.
and sin drowned me still.

but when all seemed lost.
and when the noise seems to **** me within,
i....hear...you.

i looked beneath me and saw large,  large shoulders, far and wide.
shining with glorious white.
the oceans below was more treacherous than my rivers.
and the fire burned more than the voices in my head.

Lord, you carried me.
through and through.
on your shoulders....
black and blue

the cross before me,
it was meant to be mine,
and i saw love.

how your eyes gazed across the vast oceans.
how your heart and mind wondered how you got here.
in the middle of nowhere, your song meddles with the distortion of waves.
afraid to fall.
afraid that when you need help it won't be there.

the sun is shining, your skin burning.
the sharks nearly got you.
the boat shaking,
the waves nearly got you.

one light shone, the sky dark,
the trees painted your eyelashes and the waves made the tears of your eyes.

light flashes.
camera clicks.
you remember again,
you were in that popular clique.

at home.
you cried again.
at the boat.
you were afraid to swim again.

can't change your fate.
going through a lot.
a star shone,
the Savior was born,
he reached down,
and you danced upon your heartache.

Letter to the devil, and the pains of this world.

Dear devil,

How you doin with the fact you have already lost?
How you doin with the urgency of Jesus' second coming soon?

Just to remind you, you already lost, and, do I have to remind your suffering in the fiery lake of fire and sulphur...forever? Ye...I don't think so.

Depression, stop hanging on to them, stop hanging on to me! Stop pestering the children of God, and just stop blinding them of the light of the Joy of Christ. Stop it! You somewhat comforting and soothing feeling, yet is the sharp sword that really kills...

Anxiety, stop making me stop in my tracks and feel like a failure, stop making me stop in my tracks on doing God's will and plan for my life. Stop dragging me down.

For the pains and diseases in the world, you would never stop them from being loved by God. Never ever.

Final note: God rules, God wins, God is in control, God is the Most high, Most pwerful, All mighty, Holy Holy Holy, the Holy one, worthy of all praise and glory and whole-hearted sincere love and trust and obedience. You are not, devil.

Sincerely and truthfully,
The one you tried to hurt and pull down.

Under your loving hands, like an infant, I rest, protected in hand.
Under the vast emptiness and dullness of the galaxy, your light shines, your robe, O so white!
SO glorious your face, your presence!

Your presence, it caresses me, with just a little bit more, I would have been crushed and would have been drowned under my own tears and would have dented the marble floor with certain and whole-hearted knees.

How marvelous is that cross...a word won't fit it.
That cross...if only words, dots, dashes, and punctuation can have more to offer. An endless murky drowning sea of words of different fonts and sizes won't quite make the mark.

You made my mouth like a sharpened sword. Ready to fight for your name, ready to stand my ground, ready to make the darkness fear and make fallen angels regret their mistakes. They already are.
ready to open hearts and minds, as you call many to you.

You make me like a polished arrow. Ready to go wherever you shoot me, ready to tear down what the devil has built. Ready to have your word, the gospel tied to me, as I fly through the spiritual realm and spread your word, the gospel. Simply the gospel. NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS.

You hid me in the shadow of your hand. You cover me. You protect me. You hide me even if it seemed like all eyes were on me. Maybe they are on you. I want to be more like you in image O LORD.  

You concealed me in your quiver, God USE me!!! IF only words quite make sounds of hunger and thirst and the cries of my spirit and my new heart to you! You polished me and I am ready.
Ready whenever you say its time to go, or then I have to stand strong. Ready whenever, wherever, however you call me.

You polished me.
I am sharpened.
I am a polished arrow and have a sharpened mouth.
"Okay LORD GOD, I am ready."

It seems, your tears filled up your bowl.
It seems, that, your mouth, your teeth, they chewed till they were sweets.
It seems that, your....
I can't do it.
Couldn't sympathise so well.
I am confused, and I am so broken.
I am breaking. I feel so dead.
I feel like, I...I can't...do that...or this...or them...
I have so many things.
"I am holding on..too tightly to certain things..."
I am scared and frightend.
I am lost. Feel forgotten.
I can't seem to breathe.
I am so tired.
Of....me.
Of myself.
This body, this heart, my enemies. .
Oh, how I hope I can be separated from them.
I didn't get enough sleep last night again.
I didn't....
I cant.
My fingers they are sliding across the keyboard, just trying to catch up the wild thoughts of my mind, and I stop, broken.
I want to rest, but I would be lazy.
I want to stop and think, but that's just procrastinating.
I....
I can't.


Sorry, 12258
Sorry God.
Sorry Mother and Father.
Sorry sister.
Sorry. To myself.

"Congrats you failed. Yes you."
I said.
Pointing to the mirror.

it sometimes feels better to stay sad.
to stay in pain, pinned to the world, to have lost all you had.
to stay in the pit because it is hard.
because hurt and pain shattered and twisted your heart.
it feels warmer.
because it made you love the cold.
your joy grows old.

but.
being happy is better.
when the cold is gone.
and fear and hurt and pain lose its horns.
it's horns of exultation.
when divine love doesn't seem so far.
it never did, and never has been.
its when your heart becomes whole and the holes close up, and plans of the wicked on folds up.
when numbers no longer matter.

Jesus loves you.

[Verse 1]
Teach me how to love You
Show me how to trust You
More than with my words or with a song
No, it's not been easy
To live life down on my knees
But with faith I know I'll carry on

[Chorus 1]
There is more to see than with my eyes
But fear sometimes can leave me paralyzed
I realize that I'm not in control
Yet it is well with my soul

[Verse 2]
The enemy's against me
Arrows all around me
Never knew the fight would last so long
In seasons of depression
I plead for Your protection
Make me right, I'm tired of being wrong[Chorus 2]
Every time there's hope, it seems to die
And the voices all around me feed that lie
Everything I see tells me to let go
Yet it is well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

[Tag]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, it is well with my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, my soul, woooh

[Chorus 3]
This fight I'm in is not of flesh and blood
The weapons that I need are in Your love
Lord, don't You ever let me go
You make it well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with...

[Outro]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul

Stuck between spaces and memories,
my butterfly flies.
Wings of time.

no not one place where the butterfly flies to rhymes.
No sentences, no books written.

Messing up memory lanes, folding them up like crumpled paper.
The creases distorting signal lines,
and I couldn't seem to recognise the times.

Scribbled lines, blinding my sight.
my butterfly flies through my mind, my memory fading, lights dimming, house lights flicker.

fire still burning.
no longer in a pod.
Just living for God.

if i remember anything else.
only you God.
i want to remember.