I once ruled a small kingdom…
I was lord; and I was free.

But as I looked out over the land
From atop my royal throne  
I saw no nobles, no knights,
No clergy, no servants…

I had, finally, risen to power,
But now everyone was gone –
Mysteriously vanished,
As the children of Hamelin.

So, there I was, alone;
And the silence haunted me…

.

It's sad really
I made a person in my head to sooth me
She doesn't clutch me in a tight embrace
Doesn't yell
Doesn't tell me that I'm perfect
Doesn't say tomorrow will be better
She just sits with me
Lets my fallen head rest on her shoulder
She lets me cry
And she does not hold me
Instead she softly rubs circles into my arm
She shushes me
But it's not harsh or demanding
It makes me feel safe

"I know sweetheart, I know"

I've only ever wanted someone to truly know
And she does
Because she's me
But I pretend she isn't

"You've been fighting so hard, sweetheart, harder than anyone thought you could. He'd be proud of you."

I can feel her hand now.
Tears are welling in my eyes and typing this is
blurry
She isn't real
She doesn't have a name
Her face shifts so often I don't even know what it looks like
But it's alright
I don't really have a name either

I wish I didn't have a face

It's sad
I'm sad
I've made someone to sooth me
She isn't real
But at least she doesn't tell me I'm perfect

Try and try
It will never falter
My little friend will follow
From here on after
On the happy days and sad
It will never leave
As painful as it is

Its the shackles around my legs
Its the noose around my head
Its the hand that holds me back

Tell it to go away
And it’ll go stronger
Feeding off my energy
Like pop rocks and soda
Out with a pop and a fizzle
Giving in to my little friend
Its time to sleep forever
Life was good until it ends

04/04/08