today,
I hang in the balance

I traipse the line between free
and consumed

because you spoke to me
again

really spoke
more than you really ever had
spoke like friends
(maybe more than friends)

and though I thought I was
prepared
I’d practiced
hating you
I’d gotten over it
found someone else
(though that’s not going particularly well)
but no

and I know you
that’s the hardest part
I know you

I know that this you
this you I’m falling for
again
after so many **** times
I’ve lost track

this is not you

this you is the quiet you
the you that likes me
because I’m feisty and a little
different
the you that teases me,
but never to embarrass
the you that knows I’m vulnerable
and cares
the you that flirts but doesn’t force  
that is kind and friendly and opens up
and tells me
quiet things

But I know that tomorrow
you’ll be someone else
in the hallway
in passing
across the room  

so I’ll miss this you
I’ll get over it
slowly,
as you proceed to ignore me

only to fall
once more
just when I think I’m free
a smile
thrown
as you round the corner
where I stand
your eyes crinkle
at the edges      
they see it all
and they know me
and my heart leaps
once again

you know
I know
It’s all happened before

It is music to my ears,
To know that you are happy.
Unless you're my heart's tears,
Then you make me sappy.
I may say I am selfless,
But really I am not.
I only talk about my troubles,
It was always in my thought.
For people who hate me,
I always understood.
For people who like me,
I never understood.
You could?
You should?
You would.
You would if I were a completely different person,
With less issues and more talent.
That may not be you,
Or you,
But maybe you.
You know why,
Deep down my true emotion isn't care?
Music helps me.
Motivates me.
To fight staying who I am.
But I know I can't.
You can.
Do whatever it takes.
Whatever peaceful and unhurtable method motivates you,
To be better.
That is music to my ears.

This state of limbo is the calmest and scariest place to be.
Where all of these decisions seem to matter long before they've been made.
And here I am just staring down the possibilities...

I can stop you know.
I have self control and that is something I can be sure of.
But even now, what are we supposed to do?

I'll start with saying this:

I'm not going anywhere.
I am not a guarantee for what you might want, but I won't leave.
I can't.

So here's what I propose:

Stop. Think. Act.

And sure, that's brutal honesty, and it's not easy.
But you've got an iron will do you not?

For now...
Just watch some TV with me.

Please?

By Arcassin Burnham

Like sparkling trash with a grayish tent hanging over,
I am like angel that will guide you to that four leaf clover,
Bringing all the bad days to a close with a simple power,
Call it love if you want , as long as you let it devour,
Hate and selflessness and poverty and evil sides,
While changing faces in the eyes of the Lord , he is your guy,
Your guiding force like no other,
We already won,
I'm routing for you every step of way into the sun,
You got nothing else worry about its just quick and painless,
Taking you off this planet will be as Nobel as stainless,
You are not the only one to up and go through these changes,
If anything I'm glad we're trading places , don't say you're ever worth
Nothing.

I know.
It's sad knowing that I love others more than I love myself.
I hate to see others in pain.
But when it comes to me
I'm fine.
I know.
Saying I'm fine is a girl's biggest lie. I know.
I am not fine
I hide all my agony in the words I'm fine.
Honestly, I hold in a lot.
When I'm upset, I really don't like to tell anyone.
Especially the person who made me that way.
No matter how much anyone asks,
The answer will always be "I'm fine."
Even if it's not true.
I know.
The truth may hurt for a little while,
But a lie hurts forever. I know.
That's what I tell all who I care about.
I know.
I care too much about people that don't give a **** about me.
I know.
If you care too much you are going to get a **** load of hurt.
I know if you never care you will never learn the life lesson.
I know.
I see it all,
Everyday.
I know
I try not to focus so **** much on needing someone,
And focus on being the one someone needs.
I know I am blind.
I know I'm afraid.
And it hurts that I can't be.
What everyone wants
Or that anyone needs
And it hurts that I can't be
What I want or what I need
Because I'm not enough
I won't be enough
And I'll never be close to enough
And I'm just so **** tired.
But guess what?
I'm fine.