I had this story in my head
I had this story on my heart
Where you were with me
Even when it all fell apart

I couldn't picture you with anyone else
But Satan is sweet
Giving me memories that never happened
Like the remains of your kiss on my cheek

I told myself I didn't care anymore
Oh a long time ago
But whether this is real
Or a joke
I'm not laughing
I can't get you out of my head

See I had this image
Where we ruled the world
We were just, brave, and true
You were compassionate too
We raised the heirs to the throne
To be as such

One time I had a nightmare
The kind where you wake in a cold sweat
You were asking people to help however they could
You were getting married
To the loveliest of girls

You wouldn't look me in the eye
Not even when I cried
I woke to tears and shaking hands
I prayed that it would never happen again

I tell myself that all I want is your happiness
But then I turn and think that I'm the only one who will make you so content
I want to only think of you when I see you
But I can't get you out of my **** head

GET OUT

I want to sleep
I'm tired but now that I've opened these floodgates I don't know if I'll shut my eyes until dawn

I have pains in my stomach
I feel knives in my ribs

I want you to love me
But you can't if you never did

Take these thoughts from my head
Give them to her
She's done something to deserve them
She's not just a convenience
Like a mat on which mud is scraped from boots
She's in the right place at the right time to love you and to have you love her too

So now again I feel empty
When I told myself I never should
I feel like I've been used
Though you never touched me like the other boys would

My thoughts are muddled
Like the feelings in my chest
As I lay trying to sleep
One day may I find rest

Now I'll stop rhyming like an idiot
Climb out of the valley in my heart
Find a boy one day
Who has the guts to tell me whether or not he loved me from the start

Show me how to breathe
or tell me you'll never leave
Just know that I'm here waiting

Waiting for you to tell me
that the love I gave to you
meant something
because the taste of your
breath still lingers and I
can still almost taste the
words coming out of your mouth

"...then take me."

I could stand in front of a pyramid
But I didn't carve the stones
Or die to live inside

I could ask the sun
To make my skin change
But does my mind remain white?

I could hold a book with strange pictures
Or just put it on my shelf
Would it make you think I’m smart?

I could write about things I know
And things I don’t
But I'm still a dilettante

I could stand in your shadow
You will never know who I am
Until I choose to walk away

I could fall for a pretty face
In fact I always do
Until my darkness reminds me of you

You guys are smiling and making jokes
You tell me I should really be working
I tell you I'm too tired to work right now
I'm not tired
Well, I am, but that's not why I'm not working
I just can't breathe
I know I'm not alone, but I feel completely alone and I don't know Why I'm feeling so hollow
Make it stop. Please.
You don't notice though.
Maybe it's better that you don't.
I'll keep listening to sad music and wonder why I'm feeling so empty when nothing is even wrong
And you keep not knowing how horrible I feel
Because you have problems a lot worse than mine, for sure
I don't want to tell you, because you don't deserve to have to listen to my sadness on top of your own
And I feel selfish if I tell you
I just don't know who to talk to
And even though I'm surrounded by people
I. Feel. So. Lonely. I. Feel. Like. I. Have. Died.

I almost threw up when I saw her
Holding lightly to your arm
I could feel my heart
Rise up in my throat

When I remembered
You aren't mine.

I have no claim over you
You are not mine to love
If you really loved me
You would be here
And if I really loved you
I would be with you

But here we are
Not loving each other

With other people
Living lives separate from our designs
Perhaps this is how it has always meant to be
Perfect predestined love can't be predesigned
By humans with so many fatal flaws

i want to see it all fall
i want to see it all come down
i want to watch it burn

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

i have a problem that i can't explain
i dont know why you want me to be so plain
do you want me to give up everything
do you even know anything

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

when i bring it down
will you wear that same old frown
will you break my walk stick
when i throw aside the sick

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

i dont want you to find me
i dont want you to stop me
i want you to assist me
i want you to know i exist
i dont know how i feel
around you

Take a long look at the road
you walked past and wonder of
how many stops you made
and how many you had to take.

(Was the meter still running
when you had me waiting outside
your house waiting
for it to become a home you
would have never built with me?
But become a visitor in a gallery
of art I could never understand.)

Live each day like a sombre white
and watch over your thoughts
as if you had a limit to how much
you could hurt yourself
because there is only so long
the Father could hear and only so many hail Marys that can keep you

sinless as the day you were born.

Plant a tree for every heart you broke
and watch someone else carve their stories
in you.