for you 7.7.25 (8:02 pm / 20:02)
i don't want to stay here

though i could
right?












but if you said

"for me?"


















of course i would.

7.6.25 (10:42 am / 10:42)
ariane.
all those lunches throughout the school year,
do you remember?
not just the two of us,
but somehow that still.

like the day of the dance-
i let you borrow my floral vintage dress,
and we all tried it on at our lunch table.

when i think of you,
i think of the way you twirled
and how the skirts flew in the air
and oh
how you laughed

at the dance we all posed for photos
looking at the camera
our mouths lip-gossed and pouting.
but my eyes always strayed back to you
and in one polaroid,
i’m smiling.

this is what i’ve been trying to tell you.

** m

every possibility 5.19.25 (7:55 pm)
if i told you i loved you
what would you do

would you scream at me
how could i ruin this
would you cry
because i’ve been trying to be someone else
would you just sit there
would you hold me
would you tell me bye

in every possibility i have in my head
you don’t love me back
so i know it can’t be possible

no one ever told me 6.24.25 (4:21 pm / 16:21)
why is it that no one ever prepares you
no one ever thinks you might come to a place like this
that you'll stray off the path and be drawn to the darkest corners of the forest

no one ever explains to you how sadness works
how it clings to you
and you can never shake it off
how it hides and then snaps its teeth bites you
when you dare to be happy

no one ever warns you about panic attacks
how you'll suddenly be dying dying dying
breath gone

no one ever tells you about the dark
how it consumes you
and becomes you
how you become empty
gone
alone

no one every tells you how to be okay
how to stop wanting oblivion death nothing
how to stop cutting
how to be happy

or it seems at least no one ever told me

[playing: second guessing by alina]

one thing and then the other 6.4.25 (8:00 pm) / 20:00)
sometimes i wonder-
well
so many things
a lot really

is betrayal just a metaphor?
for what, honestly, i’m falling apart
i can barely tell what i feel like anymore
sad? happy? one thing and then the other

i’m not in control anymore
i’m a control freak, yes
i can’t stand not knowing what happens next
i’m afraid

maybe i’m spiraling down
or maybe i’m standing on regular ground?
maybe i’m falling falling falling
or maybe you’re holding me up?

maybe everything is breaking shattering broken
or it could be all fine?

maybe i’m laughing maybe i’m smiling
maybe i’m crying maybe my tears are flooding
the floor and drowning me
maybe i’m happy.

i really don’t know

i will love you 5.27.25 (4:34 pm / 16:34)
do you think that anything could make me stop loving you?
do you think that anything you do
anything you say
anything you want
anything you love
anything you wish for
could make me stop loving you?

even if you fall someday for somebody else
even if the earth blows up
and even if the oceans drown us
even if i die right now

i will love you
forever
and from the grave

[playing: would you fall in love with me again by jorge rivera-herrans and anna lea]

Mr. Selfish loves himself
He doesn't care about anyone else
All he does is spew spew spew
About how much better he is than you

Mr. Selfish is a liar
He doesn't care if your mind is on fire
All he cares about is himself
And couldn't give a **** about anyone else

Mr. Selfish pretends to be sweet
He fools everyone into thinking there's nothing to defeat
If you are hurt he wouldn't cry
In fact he'd laugh and wish you'd die

Mr. Selfish is my name
I am evil and I am insane
All I care about is myself
Everyone else can go **** themself.

We walked down the street
People were everywhere
I don't like people
I'm the introvert
You're the extrovert
We walked next to each other
The night was so pretty
We saw someone holding a bird
You walked up to them and talked
Talked
I watched
Watched
I don't like people
You looked so happy
Grinning ear to ear
Your blond hair
Blowing in the cold wind

I looked down at your hand
Would it be inappropriate to hold it?
I watched you
I don't like eye contact
I hate it
But when you look at me
I hate it just a little less
You're so pretty
But I don't like you like a crush
I like you like a really good friend
I don't want to kiss you
But I do want to hold your hand
I reached for it
I held your hand
You looked surprised
But you went along with it

The night lasted forever
It was cold
Lots of people
I hate people
There was a new bookstore opening
They were giving away free hot chocolate
I got some
You can't have it
You're allergic to coconut
I felt kinda bad
You didn't really care
You just were excited that a bookstore
Was about to open

My dad went into a building
It was crowded in there
We waited outside
You spun around a lampost
You looked so pretty
I watched you
Watched
You talked about whatever
Talked
You were having fun
And I was having fun
Because you were having fun

The night was coming to a close
You were happy because you saw a bird
I was happy because I got to spend time with you
I held your hand again
You did the thumb thing
I thought I might just explode
You looked so pretty

The night ended
I thought about you
All night
I don't have a crush on you
I just really like you
I really like you
I like your company
I like your personality
You're not annoying
You're very silly
And you're allergic to coconuts