Very much Alive
Very much Here
Very much waiting for a Career

Auditions are starting soon
script in one hand and hope in the other
I ran
I didn't even audition but some how
still overplayed my part
the role of the fool
and i glanced through the script knowing how this story was going to play out
but you can not erase heartfelt ink
and i didn't want our story to end so i made our play longer.
Our love
Our love; the sequel
movies on top of movies
and us was always my favorite show
I honestly lived within our characters
but you never can prepare enough for the finale.
So when i get to the end of our script
and flip behind the last page
I shouldn't be surprised when I see
the end.
We were completely on different pages
maybe you watched our story differently than i did
I still wait to see your name roll through the credits
you played different roles in other stories
but you didn't want the main lead role in mines
the victim is what you auditioned for
so i sit at the table with other actors and feel
as if i do not belong
i chew on the extra words i added onto our pages
and swallow the melancholy
full bite
tell the waiter another round of episode 23 season who knows
i played all my roles on my own
i never needed a stunt double
im an actor but my role was real
so let's get off script one last time
and i start my first line
saying you felt like home but never lived here
you were my world but never stepped on my grounds
the living room has your scent but you didn't sit on our sofa
and i realize that im just on set again
i turn around and see the audience
a laugh track plays once again the fool
none of this was real
just a show
my role overplayed
our story ends
you continue on
I retire
so i step out of the set and see the real world
and i finally realize our ending was always the same
if it was real or fake
our ending was never artificial
we wouldve ended the same way
and so i open my to go plate
and eat my left over feelings
i chug the glass of resentment
i sit in my filth
my disappointment
i lay in our lines we never rehearsed
i play your laugh tracks in my ear
and at the end of this i do what i've always done
be an actor
get up and display a smile on my face
and play the fool for you all once again
and im welcomed with an applause because behind my costume is the role I'll never have to audition for
the love sick hollywood actor.

I don't know how to explain it,
But somehow, it seems like the world
Has gotten louder AND quieter
At the same time

Why can’t I let it show?
Why can’t the tears flow?
Behind this fragile mask,
All the pain I hold.
I need to cry but I can’t,
The silence is too loud,
Falling in this empty trance,
Tears can’t break the shroud.
Memories like ghosts at night,
Haunting every whispered plea,
Trying to find the light,
But it's lost inside of me.

I know You're happy, but I'm not,
I'm unhappy with what I got
While You get happiness and friends,
I'm fighting suicide attempts
I'm Number 1 in class, I know,
They think I'm happy, but big NO
I just can't do this anymore,
It's only me who knows the lore
You say: "Just NEVER suicide",
But I don't know with what I side…