Why can’t I let it show?
Why can’t the tears flow?
Behind this fragile mask,
All the pain I hold.
I need to cry but I can’t,
The silence is too loud,
Falling in this empty trance,
Tears can’t break the shroud.
Memories like ghosts at night,
Haunting every whispered plea,
Trying to find the light,
But it's lost inside of me.

I know You're happy, but I'm not,
I'm unhappy with what I got
While You get happiness and friends,
I'm fighting suicide attempts
I'm Number 1 in class, I know,
They think I'm happy, but big NO
I just can't do this anymore,
It's only me who knows the lore
You say: "Just NEVER suicide",
But I don't know with what I side…

After all those thoughts
Just when I look at those floods
I feel as if I should drown in them
Hidden in the river like a gem

Maybe I should act on my thoughts
Maybe I should act on people's words
They know that we had no droughts lately
Yet they tell me “drown in a river"
They tell me “end it all"
“**** yourself"
“I hope you die"
"jump off a cliff/bridge”
Just maybe
I should do it

Obviously
People just don't want me in this world
People obviously think of me as a burden
As a useless kid
A naive child that they can just use
But if course
I'm just too sensitive
I'll never understand anything

If I don't do it
I may as well punish myself
Like I have been
But worse
Not eating for days
Restraining myself from usually behavior
Letting everyone get a taste of a bland personality
As if I were on my anti-depressants that I haven't taken for months
Let others choke me
Let others help me in my self-destruction
Abuse me
Assault me
Do whatever you want to me
I don't care

Just maybe
I'm just the true sigma male that has a delightful cliff waiting for him