Nothing is certain anymore.
I used to know: I miss knowing.
I had decided he was the one.
Forever. For ever. Everlong. Everlast.
But it wasn’t everlasting.
And now?
I’ve lost the partner to my dream.

Begin again. Start once more. All over.
New introductions: new dynamics
It’s all different.
Unsettling.
Exciting – I’m thrown off balance.
Soo much to learn.
What’s beneath the ripply surface?
Open up, prise to sunlight; I must see.
Figure: are you the new ‘one’?

A replacement?
A new dream. A new adventure.
A thousand ways to see the world.
Perspective dominates so much.
I think we come from similar mind
- But unless you speak I cannot be certain.
“What’re you thinking?”
“Mmm… I don’t know”
It’s a gap
Between thought and mouth
- I’ve been there, I’ve felt it.
We need to build a bridge.

‘Put your trust in me, I’m not gonna die alone’
I don’t want to. Not alone.
I need someone to accompany me.
I want a family.
Who?
It feels like time to settle in.
Who?
I’m tired of this game
This uncertainty
Either let me be alone
- Impossible for me, I know:
I ***** too much up when I’m single.
Yet there should be growth there.
- Then let me be with the one.

I know there is no perfection.
But imperfections may compliment.
I know it takes work.
Communication.
Sacrifice.
Energy.
Time.
I know difference must be respected.
I know connection is of most importance
- Or perhaps a close second to support.
And love.

But love grows.
Even arranged marriages fall into love.
Why not choose?
The one with the traits
The dynamic that is desired
Love will come
It always does in the end
So long as resentment does not dominate
The dynamic is soo important!
And the lifestyle
- What am I willing to give up?
What does he desire?  

I’m over this dizzying romance game.
I’m throwing the towel in.
If not him, then someone else close by.
Because I’ve always had too many options.
And before that made me scared:
Given urge to ‘play the field’
Taste all within range.

Now, now, I am tired.
It’s nice to know someone’s intimacy
Exploring beneath the cloak:
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
I know it takes time
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
But trust me. Please?
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
Coz ******! I’m letting you in.
And ******! I want to show you my world.
And to see yours.
And when we escape this place,
Maybe just for a day or two,
But when we do,
It’s fricken beautiful
And we’re beautiful
And I know that.

Please. I want to fall into love.
Why not with him?

Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Who'll catch me when I fall?

Mirror, mirror I knew this man,
I hear his voice and I feel like ****!

Mirror, mirror everytime he laughs
I just can't explain how he give me crafts.

Mirror, mirror whenever he speaks
I feel like I'm on clouds at its peak.

Mirror, mirror he gives me butterflies
He keeps me happy and never let me cries.

Mirror, mirror he send me shivers
Its overflowing just like other rivers.

Mirror, mirror this is something new
I hope this won't fade and forever please be true.

Mirror, mirror he said he loves me
He'll never hurt me he guarantee.

Mirror, mirror he said I'm all his
With those three words I feel bliss.

Mirror, mirror on his bended knee
He hold my heart and there's no escapee.

Mirror, mirror forever is for fantasy
So that means lifetime is for reality.

Mirror, mirror my heart beats,
If this ain't forever please delete.

Mirror, mirror remove my doubt and my fear
With this man that's gentle and truly sincere.

Mirror, mirror give me my happily ever after
Let me write my own love story and be the master.

And the rain is falling
Making music off the roofs of the cars
And we stand there
In the steam rising from the
Parking lot pavement
Shadows made from
Alarmed headlights
First, still
Then, quickly moving
From two separate shapes
To one jumble of limbs
The two of us becoming indistinguishable
As I can’t hold you close enough to me
And after so long waiting
I don't mind
My tears mixing
With the rain
Making our first open-mouthed kiss
Wet and messy
And you tangle your fingers
Into my waterlogged curls

that when you were
39
and i was
37
and we were
still single
we would marry each other
in that church over there

when we got together
we joked that we would be getting married
a lot earlier
than
expected

so why is it now
that the chimes of
"happily ever after"
seem so
far
away

One kiss, and an explosion occurred.
Neither expecting this, yet nothing different
     would we prefer.
I didn't fall for you gracefully,
but the siren's call of your soul to mine
     was a blitzkrieg attack.
And honestly, I'm looking forward
     to never going back.
For you, sir, have filled me wholly,
     completely my voids,
     and sealed shut every wound.
Every heart beat boomed in my head,
     drowning the sounds of all else
     the moment I knew for sure
     I had found it, found you.
Without trying, I came unfrozen
     as your voice caressed me.
My breath arresting, hitching,
I knew then, I know now-
     I want you to be
     my always and forever,
     my happily ever after.

all of my exes
like closed pages from a book
emanate some lesson
if that's all i really took
relationships are time well-served
don't regret a single one
but i must insist
i got used to this
and i'm glad that they are all done
all done, but one
but that's how it works
no more turning another page
and in marriage we're stuck
until one of us dies from old age
if love is a test
then we've artfully persevered
so no going back to an ex
or moving onto the next
since my exes were really all kind of weird