As kids we were close,
Pushing each other on a swing during humid afternoons,
Scrapping over the biggest piece of cake,
Singing and strumming old rock songs on a video game,
Cheesing in the odd school picture together,
Hiding the family dog upstairs, cartoon shows on the tv,
Volume at its highest, all to drown the rows vibrating the walls
From downstairs,
It seemed back then we had each others back,
Sobbed for the same reasons at night,
Nervously bit at the skin around our nails over unknown noises,
Shook a knee with every thought of fleeing our hometown,
Yet now we don’t even know each other,
The distance runs thicker than blood,
He said she said infiltrating a possible recovery of a bond,
I often wonder how it can be, two people from
One home, both living on different planets,
Almost generations away from beliefs we once shared,
Pinching at each others emotions from another continent.


I found a journal from when I was my angsty teen self,
Words of fury coated most pages,
Some rhymes of regret,
Plenty of mischievous essays,
Page 94 had no explanation, just a date, some doodling
And one sentence,
“You were the first one to break my heart.”


As kids we were close,
But what do kids know.

I see you in the drunken man on the bus, singing hits
from the 60s,
I hear you when a man near your age belittles me, over a
job he knows nothing about,
I feel you when that initial rejection from someone hits, craving
validation you failed to gift me,
craving to be enough,
I smell you as friends open bottles of cheap ale, a scent
embedded into my bloodstream,
I miss you when I see a father and his child playfully race in the
park over the road,
I'm always wanting what I don't have.

Before getting up I look
how you are still asleep and almost
not breathing, gently

I touch you, enfold you
in my hands and then
I take you with me

we wake the children
have breakfast, kiss, and wave
watch them all the way



With a friend I weigh
our lives with everyone
taste what is sweet and sour

between the words we always
have to tell each other more
than a week

the children are growing
it all passes
while it stays with us

Mental health issues
Is not something to joke about
You have friends for a second
Then they leave you
Your case manager is ****
He doesn't listen
The only person who listens is your gp
Your family doesn't support you
They just say **** IT UP
Hospital is no place to go
All I want to do is end this fight
The fight that has been going on for so long
I'm just done fighting
More scars on my body
And I don't care
Take No Doz to not fall asleep
To prevent from any nightmares to occur
Just to fight another day
A lighter looks like the perfect way to hurt yourself
But that sensation doesn't last for too long
All that's left is cutting
You see the blood drip down
But that's not enough
You think that if you cut deeper
That it will end everything
But that's not the case
Nothing helps anymore
Life just isn't for me anymore

Daddy held me in his arms
Once, when I was five;
He wasn't one to embrace,
To clap and say well-done.

To hear him speak two words
Was volumes from someone
Who tsked and rolled,
But never scolded
His daughters and his sons.

In his hold, so foreign,
He made his assumption,
That I was content to be held,
Though squirming for the ground.

For me it wasn't soothing,
He never was inviting,
His demeanor so discomforting,
He never did it again;
Not that I could tell;
And yet the security
Never diminished
From arms that once held me.

Wake up late
Miss part of school
Come home
Mom’s out of town
Dad’s on a run
Four younger siblings
To take care of
One needs a ride home
Running around at track
One is in a weird mood
Strange emotions
Of a fifth grader
One keeps asking
Where is dad
I told you little man
He just went on a run
The littlest
Complaining about
Having to get off the x-box
After playing for almost
Two hours
The new kitten
Running around the house
Constantly being watched
By the kids
And here I am
Wondering
What will tomorrow bring?