a little headache,
and father running for doctor,
now ,
makeup hid all the scars,
a little lipstick and a little blush on,
to hide the injured lip and the cheeks that are dark,
a daughter had now become a a wife,
a daughter in law,a mother

Contrary to popular belief
You don’t stop loving a man after he hits you
If anything it just leads you to wonder
Why did I deserve this? What did I do wrong? This is my fault, I should’ve seen this coming.
What can I do to fix this? How could I make myself better? How can I prevent this from happening again?

Contrary to popular belief
When he says he won’t do it again, he doesn’t actually mean it.
It’ll only gets worse.
How far can I go? Why does she stay?
I have her wrapped so tight around my finger and my fingers so tight around her throat.
Why does she love me? Will she believe me when I say I love her, that I will change?

Contrary to popular belief
Things will only change for the first couple days.
He will apologize.
Why do you love me? How did I become such a **** up? I had a rough childhood, I don’t want to end up like my father. Couldn’t you see how you provoked me? What would I ever do without you? Could you please forgive me?

Contrary to popular belief
You will forgive him with a lump in your throat, this time is no different than the last.
Things will never be the same
You’ll step more lightly when he’s near, breathe more quietly. You’ll feel the same fear you felt when he first pushed you against the wall every time a door closes too hard. You’ll still lie to everybody about the bruises.

Contrary to popular belief
You can only lie to yourself for so long
You don’t really believe he’ll change, but you’re afraid of change anyways. You’ll settle. I know the real him, he didn’t mean to hurt me. His anger just gets the best of him sometimes, but it’s not his fault. He’s really sweet, I swear. He loves me.

Contrary to popular belief
He doesn’t love you
When he struck you your best interest was the least of his. He knew he did wrong.
He doesn’t understand the severity of what he’s done, nor does he care to. History repeats itself.

Contrary to your beliefs
He never loved you

“HE LOVES ME “ she says to herself everyday.
She always
claimed he would change
and day by day ,
month by month
til eventually years he became worse.
One day he came home
and everything was her fault
in his eyes. He beat her so badly
her family
didn’t recognize her anymore.
She never told them
he was beating her,
locking her away
in a closet for days at a time.
3rd times a charm
here she is in the hospital
once again and fighting for her life.
Loving the abuser eventually costed him taking her life. Now as she lays in the casket she looks down upon her badly beaten body asking herself “why didn’t I just leave?”

—a passage from my next book other book that I’m writing—

Do you love me?
The hand print on my arm say you do
Do you love me?
The bruises on my body say you do
Do you love me?
The loss of air as you squeeze my throat means that you truely love me, right?
The black eyes means you love me
The death threats do as well
The namecalling and insulting means you love me, right?

Which means you love her too
So when you touched her,
I didn’t move
As you hit her
I didn’t flinch
As she bled
I didn’t falter
As she choked through breaths
I stood still, stayed silent
And as the life from her eyes left
I walked away.

Because that’s just what love is...
right?

Ignoring the signs of happy endings, I dont want to see
Avoiding all the mirrors while everyone stares at me
I'm your broken China doll but I'm scared of what they'll find
So I keep a smile present as I say my line...

There was thunder in my hands,
lightning in his fists.

Thunder always claps,
but lightning always hits.