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Mandy Owensby Dec 2020
Every time I’m full of sparkling stars
Filled with the hope that waiting brings,

The answer comes each time, a flood,
A crushing feeling shutters me.

I chase and chase after each bright spot
As they scatter and rush far from my reach.

It’s a silly childish wish, I know
A hoping without a chance of hope
So many paths I’ve walked that make
That hope the failure of my stars
And a fool of foolish dreams.
kaileia Nov 2020
it seems like everything i've done
was wait for you

does it get tiring?
of course it does.

what keeps me going?

the slim hope that
you won't disappoint me
again.
but would you ever see this
You think you deserve something but life slaps you upon the head and throws you down reminding you that after all you've doneyou don't deserve ****
I had a strokeabout a week ago and there as a possibility of me getting to go home today instead of tomorrow but my blood level dropped to an undesirable rate this causing me to have to stay longer missing my oldest sisters funeral. I thought I would get to go buy that's was just life toying with my emotions again. I have a constant thought on"You don't deserve to be happy Ben!You don't deserve happiness. You can't pretend to be a good guy every now and then. it's such a disappoint to know I could've made my love better but now with all these life threatening hospitalizations and not knowinghow long I have left to live it just leaves me with such disappointment. I've always wished I could restart my life over andbe a better man but I know that's impossible just another disappointment that I get to live with I use to lash out in anger but that isn't going to change anything and it's a waste of time
I experienced astrokelast week and b it had brought so much annoyance and disappointment to my mind yet again because I was taken off a medication to soon because of an oversight of some clinic nurses and now I have a mind to sue them because of their **** up I could've died this time
verus Nov 2020
all I should do
with nothing I can do,
joint at the elbows
beyond the corner where I reach'd

there was so much I needed,
so much I wished,
much I could have been—
but regrets.

shan't I ever, be or possess
any hope, nor faith, nor regret.
for I became what I of myself made,
and although corrupted my chariot I carry,

as the prying animals
in the sky vigile
my entrails.
thus I remain unrepentant.
El Nov 2020
The expectations in my head
overgrown and make a mess
the idea it has been spread
to let go gives me distress
why do I set the bar so high
to myself I tell this big lie
reality can not compete
it leaves me feeling bittersweet
I'd really love some feedback on my first peom
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