Give someone a role to play--
They will preform to the best of their abilities...

Except when they leave the play
Because another stage looks more interesting.

Looking in the mirror,
Who is that one
Staring back?
It isn't me.
I do not recognize
Happiness,
Talent,
Beauty,
Grace.
Was this who I once was?
Is this who I am?
Time and time again,
Staring at cold expressions,
Meaningless smiles.
Putting on a face so no one would see
Me.
Why would they want to?

Maybe this is the reason why.

Every day,
Every night...
It's getting worse,
It's bad.
Maybe it just doesn't want to heal.
Maybe there are words to describe
Why this rut is here,
Why it repeats over and over.
Please just ask what is wrong,
Please let the words come without
Judging, because all this
Judging repeats over and over.
Figuring all this isn't worth it,
Figuring out that being taught this way
Takes a toll on the beauty of life,
Takes and destroys this beauty.
Going back or
Going forward?

*I just wish it was different.

I am in a deep dark hole--
An asylum of my mind.
It's better to be locked in a room
Where no damage can be done,
Where everyone treats me as who they perceive me to be--
A ****** lunatic.
I know this isn't my rightful place,
I know I sound so childish and
Narcissistic
To say these things,
But if there is no escape from your pain,
What a better place to reside?

I scream and scream for hours
In this nightmarish dream,
Without the knowledge of the darkest secrets
Hiding in the mist of all this black.

All the while the prince tries to rescue me.

I guess it's unclear if I
Let myself be trapped or if
You have trapped me in my own
Sick state of existence.

I long for the prince's arms to be around me.

I've never fell so hard or fast,
You were my perfection.
Even if you made mistakes
To always tried to right them.
I remember you trying to replace the things stolen,
And stop the robbery from happening,
I can see you holding my hand
As I doodled on your back,
I could sense your listening ears
When I told you we should wait,
And I could hear you pounding on the door
When the nightmares were too great.

I was in an evil place,
But you taught me to live.
I do not remember it all,
But I hope I had no regrets.

In this nightmare--
The one you can't save me from,
A feeling of dark--
Nay,
I was the dark,
And I wanted to die.

I was on the verge of nothing anyway
Because They control everything.
Even if I lived like a princess,
Even if I looked like a princess,
I was nothing.
My parents were taken from me,
So was my privacy.
And I bet all the friends I made
Weren't there to set me free.
You weren't controlled--
Except by love for me.
I hope it's everlasting so
Come find me now--
I'll keep my promise,
But my nightmares are too much.

I can no longer hear you pounding at the locked metal door.

Old memories past before
And the blows are still sharp-

Were you in such a rush
To throw me away?
The hand outreached to rescue me
From drowning,
Quickly pulled away.

The bruises and scars are here
And the new cuts
Crust over
With frost and ice,
Eager to reopen them.

I
Gave
Up the fight.
Now
will you?


Would you call it cowardice
To kick someone who
is down and
surrendered?

Awake from the nightmare,
But bending again to the new one dawning.
Sometimes I think of you darling,
Wondering, wishing, waiting...
What would you do if I told you exactly what I'm thinking?
It's not what you're thinking.
Shove love back a page,
Mages can't lay their finger here.
Would you?
Could you?
Drive five,
Maybe ten hundred miles
To save me from myself?

I want to ask you,
Will I be the cause of my own death?

Did you mean the words you said?
that i only complain about stupid s–
                    But I can't repeat the words you left me with
                                         (the words I call myself)
I never meant to tell you who I was,
But it just kept coming.
My sadness is introverted
And you pushed me enough
That it emptied like a tipped bucket,
Staining your memory of the girl
You once called
Beautiful.