My mind and stomache
SCREAM
At the things I have told you.
All truth,
No lies.
The only one I haven't lied to.
Even though I still hide
It all
From you.

I wish to hide this from myself.

I'm back to being invisible,
Head low,
Avoiding other's eyes.

I let one see me for
What I am.

(demon, monster, unnatural, hideous)

He Cared?
No.
Walked away.
Just as everyone has before,
Just as I feared he would...                     ...but promised he wouldn't...

I dared to dream,
Dared to accept,
To open.

I am invisible.
Why did I dream that I shouldn't be...

The emptiness is growing...
...but I don't want to admit it.
I'm not fine.
I want to tell you,
Need to talk to you,
But I have no words.
When they come,
                                                           ­                                             I am long gone.

I can't tell you everything.
                                                     ­                           But you should be able to
                                                              ­                  Tell me
                                                                ­                Anything!
No. Not this.
People see me as an annoyance anyway,
Bothersome.
Weird.
I'm sorry you met me.
                                                             ­                   Tell me.
Why?
No I can't.
You hate when I talk to you,
Honest and open,
Claiming my opinions are a product of
My childhood.
Maybe, but I think not.
You've never walked where I stood.
                                                          ­                      Please
I don't want to,
But I will.
                                                           ­                     ...
You think I react like everyone else
You know.
But I don't. I can't.
Because I feel their pain--
YOUR pain too.
I know it sounds crazy, but I know
More than I should, and feel
What never happened to me.
I'm going crazy huh?
                                                            ­                    That's it? That's stupid.
                                                        ­                        Every time you only ever
                                                           ­                     Hide...
                                  ­                                              I'm going to drink now.
I hate me...sorry you need to put up with me.

The demons have got me,
Beating me black and blue.
All I want is pain,
And to end this torture.

I can no longer tell him.

I don't know if he cares,
If he ever has cared
Remotely. But his demons are winning
So I know he has no strength to
Ward off mine.

I wish I could help him,
Wish I was stronger.
Instead I surrender step by step
To the demons in my mind.
I've always had this monster in my mind...

I know the real reason
You have forgotten
All the little things we talked about,
Insignificant dreams of mine,
Troubles I wouldn't tell another person,
Because they wouldn't listen.

But I know the reason you have forgotten...

I wasn't important to you
Until now.

This emotion of flying,
Falling...
I'm not use to it.
It's against the rules,
My silly rules,
To trip into someones arms.

And it's against the rules for
Someone to catch me.

Why did you?...

Wanting your arms around me,
Just to hold me.
I shiver beneath
All the chilling words,
Telling myself that
You lie,
But I will never leave you.
Even if I turn to ice,
Or even if I melt.

Safe.
That's the feeling that has made me
Fall for you.
I don't know why or
How
I trusted you,
You are different.
Making me feel that somehow
I am special
Despite myself.

How long ago
Did you list your priorities?

The small ones,
Like me.
Forgotten at the bottom of the list.

I do understand.
I am only a reflection,
Without purpose,
******* the attention of those around me,
The ones that worry about
Insignificant things.

And stop lying.

You have let go of me,
You haven't let go of the words
Or past.

But of course you let go,
You could barely hold on to
Your own sanity.

I can only hold myself accountable to the crushing feeling I have now.