i want you.
i need you.
i love you.


your are.
so far
away.
i just

want to wrap my arms around you
why dont you
tell me
"Everything's gunna be okay"

i try
and try
and try again

feels like no progress,
while so many friends.

you cant take.
just what you need
but what you want

....IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING.
LIKE. HOW ABOUT
JUST TRY TO BE HAPPY AND ****
AND MAYBE **** WILL WORK OUT.



until then,
(i guess)
i love you,
i want you.
i need you.

They say they love you.
And they care about you.
And that theyre there for you.

And. Thats supposed to feel good. Its supposed to feel nice.
Be nice.

But honestly.
It just makes me feel nervous.
Uneasy.
Apprehension and suspicion grip me.

They shake me.

And yet at the same time, mostly,
I feel apathy.
Nothing
As if your words were as grains of sand to my beach.
As if they were the folds of some drapery
That i depicted in my sketching class.
Singularly, it is so insignificance to me.
And maybe thats where im going wrong. Looking for beauty and solidity in pebbles and ripples.
It all. Means something. Everything. But.
It all means nothing.
Theyre just words.

And whos to say youre even real.

Wait.
Am i even real.

Not guilty not guilty not guilty.

All three accounts. For naught.

Welp.

How do i momentarily delete people from my life?

Or at least mute them?
Maybe ill just mute myself for a bit.
Delete.
Off grid.

I dont demand justice.

I demand understanding.

I demand

Everyones concerned for my wellbeing.

And i kind of dont give a ****.