Its like somebody has stripped away the barrier that protects us from the outside world

I feel everything

and the slightest touch burns like a thousand forest fires
smoke so thick it starves the surroundings of oxygen and there is no way out

And then I feel nothing

The trees are gone
The ground tainted only with embers dancing without rhythm
Like the rotting bole at the edge of the woodland that failed to perish,
I am hollow

And yet, it was me who set this forest alight

Their she was
On the edge of the cliff
Wind whipping through her hair.
The sound of waves crashing.
She's surrounded by such beauty
Yet thoughts consume her
She can't enjoy the things she used too.
She wants to know who she is .
She wants to find that missing piece.
She wants answers.

I tend to fall into a complacent obsession
Over unhealthy attachments

That will lead to me self-harm

And carving suicidal thoughts along

The dotted lines of my veins

Just so I can portray my favorite role

Once again -
The victim

It was a bad night last night
My tear stained cheeks
and sliced up wrists
can vouch.
I never know what I'm thinking anymore...
Or why.
I just know that I am.

It's scary,
You know...
Being like this.
I get scared,
and other people get scared.
More often than not,
I can't control these thoughts...
These protruding and unwelcome thoughts
but I don't know what to do.
I never know what to do anymore.
I just know that I've had a lot of bad nights lately.
A lot of them.
But I don't know what to do.

When I met her she was covered in scars,
How could I know how deeply she’d been cut?
I’d try to empty my own reservoirs,
To heal the wounds that she had sealed shut.

I still believe none could have given more,
But sometimes it’s not how much care but how.
And when I failed it cut me to the core.
I feel my faith in love is weaker now.

For even if I loved her perfectly,
She was beyond ability to fix.
Her safety an impossibility,
She nailed herself to every crucifix.

You’ll be the one who’s broken if you stay.
You’ll never love her brokenness away.

The knife slid smooth across smoother skin,
A thrilling thing, a winning sting,
Blood bubbling up like syrupy scarlet wine.
Alarm bells felt like fireworks to celebrate the first time,

“That’s dangerous!” the brain screams, eyeing the **** aghast
“It’s exciting.” the body sings, sighing dreamily and relaxing finally,
I’ve found a way out, I think, somewhere between the two.

To bleed is not to die, but certainly it holds the key,
Perhaps someday, some night in the haze of the absence of sleep,
I’ll reach for my razor and cut so deep,
That all there will be left to do is bleed and bleed and bleed

I thought it was the bipolar side of me
But it's the borderline personality in me
That makes me so ****** up
And that's why all my relationships have ******
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them

You might as well through my number away
You promised you always be there for me
But I just can't stay
Here in this place anymore
Everything just seems like such a bore
And you, you like to call me a drama *****
But I guess I do everything on my time
And that's fine
If you wanna yell at me and tell me that I'm ****** up
But what's ****** up
Is you
You never know what to do
When I'm down and blue
So I curse and yell at you
But I really don't mean to
It's just a test to see if you'll always be there

Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
I guess it's the beginning overidealizing's with the bitter ends
I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
It must be the I love you's followed with ******* I never wanna see you again

And I'm this distinct person living with borderline personality
Along with social anxiety
Who's not on meds or in any kind of therapy
All though some people think that I should be
And how could this be
That me
A person with such anxieties has a job dealing with people, having to talk, associate, mingle, and pretend to be happy
You know, not let any of that depression show
So no one would dare know
Because depression is a sign of weakness
And quietness is a sign of weirdness
And shyness is cute, well if you're a guy
And makes a person nonexistent if you're a tomboy, girl like I
So I guess I gotta talk to make friends
But where would I begin
Because I have nothing in common with a lot of people I come across
So I'll just be stuck here looking so sad, lonely, and loss
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them