i knew a girl once
a lost girl who was afraid to be brave
she thought strength was her enemy
because all she knew was weakness

she felt that it could protect her
she could not protect herself
and she did not know how
but how could she

if people crushed her heart
over and over again
as if someone smashed her
soul into pieces

and gave it to the devil to taste
she made the feeling of sadness
look like a brand new home
vacant walls and glass windows

but tears covered the floors
she would often cry storms
she couldn't find any shelter
so she drowned herself instead

she wanted to disappear so badly
that she'd cut her pretty skin
open to bleed like a felt tip pen
it was the only was she could feel something

sometimes i forget what it was like to be her
but i know one thing for certainty
that i will not meet her again
i was her before

oceans colliding in between your ribcage / rivers overflowing in your heart / never ending waves crashing against your bones / the heaviness takes your body in its grip / eternal drowning in your head / no room to breathe / it hurts to think / your thoughts become violent storms / everything is loud / you can not hear yourself speak / you want to escape your body and find safety / allowing yourself to gasp for air to know what it's like to feel alive again

i write when
my body feels too
heavy to carry my heart
so i let the paper and ink
find peace for me

i am not fragile
i am a refined weapon
i will own fear
and it will fear me
i am no longer afraid
i am a revolution
painted sliver and gold

half tragedy half hope
my heart is in
an infinite war
between both sides

i will carry the universe
in my hands
in my heart
with my breath

i will carry stars
in my smile
underneath my skin
in my blood

so that way
no one can define me
there is a galaxy inside
in this body

i am infinite

stars / wandering constellations painting my spine /silver mellow wishes and fairy dust dreams / divine promises / moonlight kisses / soft melodies/ white pastel bones made of glitter and gold / exquisite wonders / infinite bliss

it was lovely being a part of your life for a moment. i hope your heart gravitates to where it wants to be safely. so, i’m letting you go now. don’t come back to me with half-apologizes. you stopped talking to me without warning. i am not the reason behind your selfish decision; do not blame me. your guilt does not belong to me. you didn't deserve me. i was not meant for you. maybe, we were just simply a learning lesson for each other's lives. i hope you’ve learned this: don’t treat a girl like she is more ghost than woman. i’ve learned something too: i will not open up my soul to those who does not see the fire within me.

i am half girl, half wolf
i am ready to show how
sharp my teeth can be
sharper than swords
thicker than blood
i am tired of being afraid
fear will not define me
i will become it

you take all the broken pieces and start again
build from the ground up
brick by brick, wall to wall
construction is never easy of course
you'll fall a few times
or you may bruise your bones a little bit
breathe in, and breathe out
rest for a moment when it's necessary
Rome wasn't built in a day
remember to replenish your body
when you're out of energy
you can not rush progress
if you're too focused  on the results
you'll miss every step wondering
why you're not moving
regardless of the pain, keep building yourself
beautiful cities are also built on ruins
i believe people are the same way too
there is renewal after destruction

i have been broke many times
pain still lingers in my chest
i know this now: it will not last
it's only temporary
my soul carved itself
into a bouquet of daggers
to protect myself from
the damage others left behind
to crush me
through all this ache
i remain myself
it will hurt me
it will not destroy me
i welcome it
it is a guest
it is not allowed to stay

life is a beautiful mystery and wonder
full of dreams and miracles
a infinite sky above filled with possibilities
among peace

chaos exists here too
bad days will come but
they will go
just like a hurricane

it will pass
dark days will swallow
your heart in whole
but there is light somewhere

always to be found
it's okay to cry
it's okay to break
joy will pour in

your wounds like rain
if you can't find
hope around you
become it

it is within you
to keep going
to keep moving
to keep growing

despite the scars
you're still holding on
broken souls
become strong warriors

everything will be okay
i promise you
one day at a time
magnificent things are

blooming for you

i chase love like a starving beast, wanting to catch it and bite into it. love is a messy thing, i know. i want love. i crave love. i need love. i can never be too full of it. i want to drown myself in it. it is a mess i don't mind creating.

the stars are smiling at you
no matter where you go
they are in blossom
the moon shines for you
so you can find light
whenever you’re lost in the dark
i hope i can be something alike
between the two
for you

and that day, grief plunged into my heart like a sword without warning

you are a
reflection of the moon
light, radiant, a dream in the sky

when it rains
i can feel my childhood
dripping on my honeylike skin
how my grandfather would
sit outside in his favorite
white chair, looking
at the clouds bloom into
the color gray, soft lighting
strikes every few seconds
to make the sky come alive
and then rain fell down instantly
washing the earth clean
how silly i was to be
afraid of nature, 21 years later
i found a new love for stormy days
heavy rainfall and the cold wind
brushing against me
sitting on my balcony
watching the rain dance in the air
in my favorite white chair

i must welcome this new beginning / embrace it with gentle hands / my life is not over / it is starting / i know i should open my heart to let the light in / when i open my heart / i bleed, i bleed, i bleed / blood is a discomforting sight to one's eyes /  i refuse to allow anything to come in to see it / it hurts to spill this heartache /  my life is changing right now / i can feel the world pulling my body in different directions / where i go? which way is right way? / change can be frightening, unpredictable / so is my mind / there's a war zone roaring in my mind / despair vs. happiness: which one will win? / the one i give into the most / this is what longing feels like / do i hide or do i run? / i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared  / nothing makes sense and neither does this poem / this body is a messy thing / grief spilt my soul in two and i don't know where the other half is / i will find it somehow / the sun continues to rise in the sky without apologizing / light pours in different directions / i will do my best to always tilt my head / this is where the healing begins / but my god it hurts to be a human / it hurts to be a living creature / i'm a wild one, i know this / & i will try to be a good one / i won't let you down / i promise

being a hopeless romantic is
a tragedy sometimes.
you’re aching for love.
it screams in your throat.
so, you search for it in

love movies, tv shows, music,
the sound of rain, cafés, couples
on the street holding hands walking
towards the sun, a stranger eating alone
in a coffee shop as they're
reading the odyssey, the way
how city lights burn in the dark

at 5am; you assume anyone that
you meet is your soulmate because
you both have similarities in whatever
makes your hearts burn with desire.
you’ve already imagined what
life would be like if they loved you
before you could tell them your name.
the moment you see that they’re not who
you dreamed of, you soon realize:

not everyone around you
has the heart to let love pour in
their blood like sunlight. not everyone
welcomes it into their bodies.
loneliness rises to the
surface of your chest like water.
you eventually break your own heart
because you thought that they
felt your passion start a fire in their soul.

you feel yourself collapsing into ruins,
yet this longing for love is addicting.
you’re always going to crave it, no
matter much it hurts to know
that some people will never love you back.

i am creation

i am destruction 

there is fire

raging inside
and i am born

from the ashes

i swallow
do not try
 to make 

a safe place
out of me

poetry saves me everyday
it is a place for me
to retreat and rest from the world
when i feel too tired to exist
it is a place for me to regain strength
to continue to grow like a flower
poetry is like sunlight
warm, welcoming, and inviting
poetry gives me a sense of a new beginning
to find a way to myself
poetry gives me hope
in knowing that maybe
i am good enough for something

and i will shove
divinity so far down
your throat

you'll choke on royalty
it will taste like holy wings
but you too weak

to swallow a crown
like mine
you couldn't handle

being a god

now that you’re gone

i found myself

blooming into a 
beautiful flower
i don’t need

your water to

keep me alive

when i thought
my world was ending
every time my heart
would break
all the nights i collapsed into myself
i realized i can start over and rebuild
into something incredible
these wounds will
not be the end of me
this is the beginning
call me Phoenix
i will rise from ashes
and be born again

my wings were an echo
of despair
now they rise in light
the world is mine

forge your wounds and scars into weapons, like swords and blades. if anyone tries to use your weaknesses against you, they will be afraid.

everyday, my manger would ask me "is it sunny today?" i'd usually say "i guess so, it's partly cloudy." half dark, half light. he was referring to what was going on in my mind. some days, i'd tell him "it's cloudy today."

ever since she died, it has always be cloudy. ongoing clouds blooming — rising into a storm. storms are temporary, but this one is stuck in my head like a favorite song on repeat. i forgot what it is like to see the sun.

i'm trying my best to survive the rain.

sometimes, i thought about sealing a deal with the devil. writing my name in blood with a razor blade instead of a fountain pen, so he could sell my soul to see how much it was worth.

i’m happy i didn’t.

heaven and hell exists in all of us. we carry light. we carry destruction. both sides are constantly trying to overlap one another, so i think that’s why we are always fighting for inner peace within ourselves. we have angels, and we have demons. nothing is ever silent.

for i have endured bittersweet tragedies
i must wear strength like armor
it will not break me

the world crashes
at my feet every night
and begs me to
pick it back up

these hands are
not strong enough
to hold it together
but i'm trying

what do i need
to do to show them
i'm not afraid? i asked

the moon / bite back
she said, you're a shy
one but you are not
when your claws come out

ink is a way for me to bleed instead of carving a blade into my skin, but i itch for that adrenaline racing through my hands. shaking from the cold touch from a sharp tip, pushing and pressing. cutting for seconds, but the seconds turns into minutes. these thoughts haunts my every day attempt to feel calm and sane, still my addition will remain. i am so proud of myself that i haven’t cut my arms since… whenever that day was. i do not contain a memory of it. i’ll admit to myself, i do miss looking down and seeing lines all over me, i miss the view so much that i fell in love with it. i thought i was a form of art, i could be displayed in a gallery. today, the urge crawled out of my throat but i managed to swallow it back down into the pit of my stomach. i know i’m okay. i know i’m better. i know i’m growing. it’s okay to crack open once in awhile to find light again, and it will fill me to the bone. i’m right where i belong and here’s next to my lover. every day is a new day. i wish you were here, i’d hug you and tell you that i’m doing much better.

i long for your
hands upon my skin
i want to know what
it is like to be touched
by art