This is my theory of emotion.
It ruins you
Extracting bone marrow pain
Rubbing my every inch raw with your calloused and greedy fingers
This should be considered an emergency cause this **** don’t heal the pain
Popping pills of what ifs on an empty stomach
With the full knowledge of the inevitable bile rising into my throat
Acid gnawing holes in my stomach lining and revolting the truth
Spreading through my body like a parasite
Feeding off of my flesh and bone
Your consumption will be the end of me

The pumping is still as my hand lays flat,
a non-moving silence is what I face.
I keep waiting to feel it, pat, pat, pat,
but time passes by and still no trace.
There's nothing there it is strictly hollow.
Where has my heart gone?
Do I dare to follow?

I loved the way you'd smile
It could light up the whole town
Although I haven't seen it in quite awhile

I loved the way you'd laugh
It was so happy, so true
But I didn't know what you put yourself through

I loved the colour of your faded blue eyes
They seemed to make the world disappear
Little did I know you didn't want to be here

I loved the way you'd hold my hand
When I was feeling low
But I didn't know you'd soon let go

I loved the sound of your voice
When you called me late at night
But I didn't know you would soon end your fight

I loved the way your eyes lit up
When you heard your favouite song
You haven't listened to it in so long

I loved the way you'd write down all your feelings
In the journal under your bed
Did all those thoughts really go through your head?

I loved the way I thought I knew you
We were supposed to best friends
Why would you let that end?
But
I didn't love how you faked your smile and your laughter was always forced

I didn't love how your cheeks were stained with tears and gaining weight became your biggest fear

I didn't love the fact that you stopped eating and never left your room

I didn't love how your eyes seemed sad and the fact that nobody knew

I didn't love how you marked up your wrist with a knife and a blade and the last choice that you made

I didn't love how you never got help, because you said you couldn't be saved

I didn't love how you left me, I thought you would stay

I didn't love the words you wrote on the day you said goodbye and the fact that you always cried

I didn't love the fact that you didn't answer my calls that afternoon

I didn't love how I found you with a gun to your head

I didn't love how I was too late, you were already dead

-Becca Harris