Zane - Hello Poetry

Zane Oct 2020

when at my lowest
I think of a place
the beautiful plane of existence
that is being in your arms.

It's in a deafening pleasure,
where I escape
to the warm fields of love and embrace

the fear I choke on
from inevitable wars
the existential anxieties
of daily routines
everything I can manage
And everything that I can't
all disappear, as I study your face

if we could stay like this forever,
that would be all I need.

love letter to my partner.

#love #letter #romance #affection #tenderness

Zane Oct 2020

la hermosa mujer que no conozco

as i watch you from close, yet far
i drift off into romantic daydream.
every day you step into this office
i am graced by your prescence
and neatly alert to your newest hairstyle,
pressed and tied into a form that yet again
exceeds the beauty of the previous day.

long have I wished to approach you cooly,
and much as an example of the sly man I am,
propose a meeting at the conclusion of our shifts
wherein we might exchange grins at one another
complete with deep resounding laughs.
afterwards
retiring to the warmth of my apartment
yet this time
not for beaming looks and lighthearted conversation.
instead, a raucous intense evening
in which my dinner is had between your legs
with a dessert of deep, passionate thrusts
eyes fixated onto one another.
we retire with andrea bocelli
and I bid you farewell.

as serene a dream as this is
it is nothing more.
for who am I,
but a strange boy
that glances at you from across the building
with a glimmer in his eyes

wrote this about a coworker, as you can tell. I've casually admired her for quite a while, without much courage to ask her for a date.

#longing #desire #want #daydream #passion #new #portland

Zane Oct 2020

creep

it swirls in my stomach, every time I breathe the poisonous fumes that are your words of apology.
for nothing save the commands of a god I don't believe in could conscript me into believing anything but the terrible existence you laid before my feet,
that I would be forced to face the harsh reality of my demons, alone.
I myself, would need to muster the courage to say no more,
to scream 'be gone' at the horrors in my mind that afflict me.

In this despair,
these rock bottoms pits
is where I have found strength I previously lay convinced I was bare of.
It, and only it,
will be the sword and the shield that will save me from this wretched state.
Not the false words on your lips.

#breakup #loss #courage #despair #depression #vengeance #prose

Zane Oct 2020

october 16th

The pain feels like a stone in my chest,
a choking poisonous air,
nearly balanced with my apathy of its existence.
For setting a facade of brightness is a flavour I am all too used to.
Why proceed with a grandiose display of emotion, when such feelings are better left under lock and key?
No monsoon would arrive as soon as I cut myself open,
so wise and honest.
All that would be invited is a bitter knowledge that I,
I am without you.
Absent of my guardian angel,
he whose words have echoed throughout my brain for decades.
Mourning your loss is the most horrid, repulsive fruit I have ever been forced to swallow.
I pray this passes, for it is far more than I can manage.

Happy birthday, Dad.

#grief #loss #acceptance #hurt #depression

Zane Oct 2020

nineteen days

overwhelmed, again
somehow, the other side of the country, seems farther than a two hour drive southeast, because
everywhere is always you, who have been my better half for longer than i've cared for any particular person

you leave me with a solemn remembrance of what was, and will no longer be
yes, those words i always say in comfort of others' grief,
that the word for not changing is death
entropy, being inevitable
somehow, don't quite reassure me of your approaching departure

i cling so feverishly to memories of past adventure
like tapestries hung on the walls of my heart,
full of smiles and good-heartedness

yet, they remind me of a spring that is long gone
in the past are the days, i would spend with liquid intoxicant
forever lost, is the I that would hurt and demean others
so far away, the me that was me

a swirling tornado of emotion engulfs me,
i wonder, if i will have the courage to stand
solace is found in my age old thought;
look forwards, never nought.

Zane Jul 2020

worry

every lie you said is swirling in my head
every time you walked out
screamed you'd never come back

I always waited for you like some depressed old dog
Tied to a supermarket bike rack whimpering for the one he cares about most to return

I tried to suture every wound you came to me with, pulling out my own muscle fibers to use when words weren't strong enough to convince you not to walk the tightrope of your addictions to escapism, because why, why would you walk away when I tore myself in two and went insane just to make you smile, to make you not think the world is full of horrible evil?

All I ever saw in you was the sun.
All you ever saw in me was not enough.