I still hadn't really dealt with my sadness
it's funny how your feelings can sometimes swallow you up
whole
without any real logic behind it
that really was power of thought.
I created this vision of you and I
and saw the future in my mind's eye
but we both know that never came to pass
you saw something different and chose another path -
and that's totally okay
because somethings are just not meant to be
although I saw it differently
for you and me.

When he died
we fell apart
it broke
it broke
my fragile heart.

I lost myself
when you said goodbye
my god
my god
how many tears I cried.

Still we wait for something to ease the pain
the loss
of life
it was all to blame.

Learning to live on such an ephemeral plane
our lives
our lives
they are all the same.

Picking me up from Bethnal Green at 8am in the morning after I've had another crazy night out
Feeling lost and alone
Mind wandering and heart endlessly racing
Unable to go home and the only person that I know and needed there to save me was you
It was tasteless of me but the taste of comfort really was priceless
And even though we didn't speak for hours while I lay there filled with regret
You regretfully on my mind again
wondering what you're thinking
It was really sad because even though we weren't right for eachother you were always right there for me
3am
8am
I am -
thanking you again for just being there.

I get really upset
and where are you
the one I am meant to tell everything to.

Where were you
when he died
all my anger
I can no longer hide.

Like the baker and the bread
we used to be
but you sold every slice
then there was no longer me

The cosmos how quiet you are today,
alas, you work in such mysterious ways.
Irresolute I wait outside your door,
I knock
I knock,
this other world cannot be ignored

The beguiling stars
aligned for me.
The sapphire sky
evoking the sea.
I pass along this trajectory,
floating,
floating ,
floating,
free.

I was a piece written by Mozart and you never learnt how to play piano

The art of acting like we are superior
in fact, so many are internally inferior.
They try to impress
and falsify their truth
they will not help their brothers
they will not help you.

Cogitation can lead to an astonishing moment
one otherwise not realised
and I am such a proponent -
for becoming synergised with it all
how paramount for me to negate any fall
and I grabbed the golden gates
with all of my might
I tore them open
illuminating the dark night.

All the way through this enlightening journey
was the message that I was yearning -
for you to see
the compassion innate within me -
to you
my brother I am always here for you.

When I climbed to the top
I lent you my hand
there was no way I could leave you
I will always have a spare hand.

For the foreboding fear of kindness dissolving
all over the world,
a lesson is bursting
at the seams to be heard.

The seas are tired
the forests are crying
our robust world's weeping is symptomatic
of the times.

If only all could lift
it would be a marvellous thing
for we are all connected
in this funny life -
it's such a funny thing.

The taste of loss -
it was indescribable and there were really no words I could gather together for you to understand.
'You're doing great.'
- that platitude we know oh too well and one that rings around the eardrums of everyone not doing great -
like drums in the parade, you hear it louder and louder aligned with the procession of what was to come next.
The drums stop, uncertainty and silence sweeps in while we all search for an answer.
No one else could really connect with the gravitas of our situation
and while our sorrow began to carry us away -
to another place -
gravity kept our feet firmly to the ground.
We played his old jazz music to make up for the dissonance in the emptier house
the house without his idiosyncratic footsteps
the house saturated with his electric guitars
- but without the player who would use the tips of their fingers for the chords.
Although not pious, we knew you had reached Nirvana and for that I had to be content, give my consent
because the consensus was you never convalesced.
So you transcended and travelled -
while we had spiralled on this earthly plane -
in opposite directions we went
but somehow still it feels like you never left.

This was not supposed to be the life for me
it wasn't chosen free
I dont think it was
I dont think it was
it cannot be
my true story

What if there was free choice
and my fate hadn't already been determined?
Could I choose the red pill even though I was meant to pick the blue
there were infinite possibilities
I could walk into.

The altruistic souls that cared too much
for meretricious love would never be enough.
Knowing deep inside what is truly desired
knowing deep inside although they are tired.
To be at one, you and me,
to be at one with humanity.
The spirits wear their suits adorned with stars
earning each one
when they learnt their path.
An infinite power that defied all the limits
aligned with the cosmos, wholly intrinsic.
How sublime the souls that care too much
knowing that on earth there is not enough love.

It weighed on my mind,
the foul argument,
neither were right,
yet neither were wrong.
how can a dispute go on for so long?

“I have your best interests,
I’m only protecting you.
you don’t understand,
what you’re getting yourself into.”

“But I do and it’s fine,
I don’t need your input.
you will never understand,
but this love has me hooked.”

“Well, you will see the trouble it brings,
flowers can die -
even in Spring.”

“I am willing to take,
this awful big risk,
it is something I cannot deny,
impossible to resist.”

The heart and the mind,
refused to agree.
The mind concluded,
that the heart was blind to see.
The heart understood the mind’s pragmatic approach,
but a euphoric feeling in the heart had awoke.

True love cannot be dismissed,
one cannot take away such happiness.
in this case of love,
a war must be fought,
was it an accident for these feelings to be caught?

The two were separated by cultures of the past,
the two knew that their love was going to last.

The heart and the mind would eventually agree,
that they must unite,
for this love to be.

I can't change who I am
but I can change my thoughts
and I can't forget you
not even if I tried
but I can change what I think of you

'I miss you' -
crept into my mind.
I detangled every letter -
like my twisted headphones every morning
and I threw the words away -

not to be echoed into existence.

Looking at the people going home on the train
Would I ever see their faces again
Can you tell what’s going on in someone’s mind
Will I ever leave these memories behind
What did I think about when my dad died
Everything was a blur
Too many tears cried
Too many tears cried
Everyone wept
Then we swept up the mess
All of our lives are intertwined but you will never see
Nothing can break real family
Trying
Trying
Car crashed
Nearly died
but I’m still here
Nothing in this world is real to fear

I don’t think I can write anymore
because I’m too sad to even explore
different options and alternate endings
they all result in the same evening.

A thousand soldiers would not compare
To the battle I am about to share
This man fought hard and long
But in the end was too weak to be strong.
A man so loved by all he knew
A man whose love was pure and true.
The wisest man that was you
The one I could have asked anything to.
I question why you cannot be here by my side
But I guess the angels had to take you way up high
The saddest day was the day you left
You left all of our hearts bereft.
I know that you will be watching over me
And I would watch over you too if that was a possibility.
You were too good for a world like this
My dad, I love you, the one I will always miss.

Thoughts of you quickly evolved into thoughts of us
and I nearly missed my stop
but luckily the lavender smell on my wrist brought me back to this earthly plane

I wondered whether I should wait for you to text me
while I wondered what you were doing
even though we'd just said goodbye
so caught up in the rapture was I
because I had seen the kindest being through my eyes
Not something I was familiar with in a world that was sometimes so selfish and so self indulged
and then there was you

I thought I would wait to text
as to not be so keen
and my euphoric bliss carried me home
in an other worldly dream

Baby
I'm so tired of the endless fights
worrying if you still love me at night

I can't make you see what's true
and
I can't make you care because
if your soul was aligned with mine
we wouldn't be in this despair

baby,
I love you
but even you said
that love isn't enough

my heart isn't made of unbreakable stuff.

Making amends
we did our best
we loved the most
until there was nothing left

It’s been so long since I last saw you
Since I heard your voice
We had to throw out some of your clothes
They were getting old
And we’re moving house
Somewhere new
Somewhere where there’s not as many memories of you
They’re hard to escape in the house you lived
The place you left us.

My whole life will have passed by until we meet again
And that’s a long time
My old friend.

I asked her where did you buy the Bob Dylan collage from
You made it apparently
Well then, I must have got it from you
I’ve made so many collages too

I found your bookmark
So I know you were reading about death
I guess you were wondering what was going to happen next
I hope you weren’t worried
It made me worried
Worrying about you
Hoping you weren’t scared about what you were going through

I think we would have got on so much better these days
Back then you thought I was going through a wayward phase

Another day passes
Another moment in time
And I know I will see you again
When the time is right.

a fading memory I am clinging on to
fleeting romances
and I didn't even catch his last name
sharing plates
but this will be our last date
confusing conversations of who I said what to
oh sorry that must have been someone else
that look
that look
they know
we all know
what love is like for us
it is just a fleeting game

I bought you brazil nuts because I know they're your favourite
We usually share everything
but I don't really like these so they're just for you
I thought it might soften the frown on your face but I was probably expecting too much
I bought you a scratch card and a lottery ticket hoping you would be lucky
We live on opposite ends of the house
few words are spoken
our communication broken
When he died we began to mend
I thought, at least it was for something
Maybe he left for us to find meaning
so that we, you and me
would come together again
Now you offer me a faint smile
and I'm not sure if it's sincere
and I cry tears
thinking that we have missed the point, again.

What could have been
was what we lost,
our mistakes
at a cost.
At first glance, such a beguiling love so
how
could it diminish to such a prosaic space?
I guess we were in such a
race
to feel it all
and it was the most tumultuous, clamorous fall.
The puerile arguments of when I came home late -
how facile you acted when I tried to really piece together the broken pieces of us,
you told me not to make such a fuss
and your facetious nature of it all
left me with a foreboding sense of our downfall.
You became braggadocious
and I just couldn't stand it so maybe
we reached our apex
and this is for the best.
Irregardless of it all,
I think of that epoch from time to time
the special love when you were mine
the sublime notion of finding you
someone I would have searched universes to find
if only
if only
we could rewind.

Everybody wept
                       then we swept up the mess

You should have stayed
why did you leave?

It wasn’t as though I knew anything was wrong,
weren’t we in love and getting along?

When you want to leave,
the only choice is to go.

A feeling that escapes you can never recapture,
I guess my heart just got lost in the rapture.

The angry boy that wouldn’t wear his hat
His mother would shout
And he would shout back

If only one would listen
To what the ears cannot hear
But lost in the screams
The important message disappears

So before you decide on refusing to wear your blue hat
And before you spank the child for answering back
Listen to the intrinsic force that beats inside
As the transparent message will soon come to light

You taught me how to write but you never read what I wrote

i thought of you late last night
at night
at night
when my brain goes into overdrive
How contrite you were when i said my final goodbye
our love
our love
you let it die

Don’t hang onto my every word
Because I know I can sound a little absurd
Bizarre thoughts leap from my mind
And leave the sane ones behind

I felt like I’d been severely stabbed but when I looked there was nothing to dab, for the Pain it swirls around my heart, from the day You and I did abruptly part

Where do you reside now that you are not here?
Do you still see me when I shed a tear?
Are you the wind that blows against my hair?
Will you be the blossom that spreads everywhere?
Well wherever you are and whatever you do
I hope you know I am always thinking of you

I thought of your eternal soul when I bathed in the sea
Where we returned your ashes
Where you wanted to be.

This ephemeral life
How angry I was when you departed,
A year on still I grieve
Unable to accept another life you have started.

The sublime wonder of everyday
The lives
The deaths
The returning of they.

The magnificence of it all
If you have the strength to see
Why cry for those who left us
They are eternal as are we.

honestly what did it mean
whatever it was
it was so obscene
girl get your head out those ******* books
maybe then your words won't get mistook
im sorry
i left
you left me bereft
whatever i did
it was all for the best
and whatever was left
well that was for the rest

Another poem, he became.

The subject
of her pen.

Content pertaining to sadness
titled: the melancholy of love.