She asked,
"Share with me-
Share with me something
so personal
without a single word".

I thought about it.
How could I share
something so personal
of me without
a word
when I'm a poet?

But then,
I saw the most beautiful
piano in the room,
and as I saw it,
my fingers
felt so attracted to the keys.

It played and it played,
not knowing
that with each key
her heart grew warmer
and warmer.

Something so personal
to me became hers,
and from then on
she became what is now
something personal
of I.

Remember that I was the one from day one.
Maybe not in a romantic way, but
In a way that made you feel something.

What if I was just an idea, or
Some sort of daydream you tried to make real?
It's okay.
However I am not a daydream.
There's nothing poetic about me.

I am uncertain of where I am, and
I walk like my steps are secrets; on my toes.
Although don't get that confused with "lost".
I may not be trustful of the dirt I am in, but
I know where I'm going. Just like how
I may not know the exact coordinates of
A helium balloon, however,
I do know that it can only go up.

So, my dear, as you spend your time with her and
As you write about how she will leave you eventually,
Remember that people can bring comfort but
They are not medicine.
She cannot give you back anything that was taken away from you.
So that piece that I have?
You can't get it back.

She is not the answer, or the problem, or the reason.
She is a human with feelings, and as you wonder why she can't
Understand you...
Consider that there may be parts of her that are no longer there, too.

She is not your miracle, or your dream, or your most desired wish.
She is a girl. A human being.

Remember this, because
This is what you forgot when you held me.

i think sometimes that i may have
inherited my mothers indifference to friendship.
to deep, lasting, real friendship.
i get tired like her,
effort becoming like clay feet.
it's not for lack of love, for lack of fascination,
and appreciation, and genuine adoration.
but it holds me down sometimes like steel sky

i love you all, i do.
but fights make me nauseas and running is easier.
i will apologize and grovel and listen and take blame.
but if after all that everything is still of a half packed house,
i will take the boxes that are mine.

*thursday/10:41 P.M./august.21/2014

When you love someone who is not there
Your mind will learn to create
Draw images of how everything should be
Erase ones that depict how it actually is
Eventually you will forget what is real
And what is make believe
You will convince yourself
That you are not forgotten
And that even though you haven't heard from him in days
He still thinks of you
You will tell yourself
That you are still wanted
Regardless of the fact that you barely want anything to do with yourself
You will somehow believe that someone else does
He will not tell you though
You have to remind yourself that he is too busy
Too involved even for a hello
You will have to remember
That his life never intended on having you be part of it
And that you
Will probably never be a part of it
You will constantly be reminded of every time you were promised future
And your wanting for it will become unbearable
You will lay awake at night like you always do
This time tasting of more than just alcohol and regret
You will swallow your own tongue wondering why fate never seems to be on your side
Thinking maybe you were never meant to love in the first place
That meeting him was a mistake
You should have known better anyway
To fall for a guy
With a heart already occupied
You know all too well
That there is not enough room in one for two
And you are the tenant with the most vacant body
Stop trying to fill yourself with things that don't exist
You will need to recall
Every single time you have built yourself up
Your expectations piling above you
Never anticipating the crash
You always seem to be staring blank eyed
When everything around you crumbles into disaster
You learn to pick up the pieces
And glue them into something decent enough to look at
Your mind is still painting pictures
On a canvas that will most likely never be tangible
And you will be reminded of it when you're laying in bed
And your hands grab for someone who is not there
When you love someone who is not there
You will spend every second of the day
Searching for them in crowded rooms
When in reality
You know
They weren't there to begin with
And they probably
Never will be.

"I want you" is a lie I tell myself
What I'm really saying is I need you
Because your smile
Your kiss
Your intoxicating presence is the sun that brightens my day
Every night with you is like feeling a new drug
"I'm thinking of you"         I'm always thinking of you. I'm so happy with you.
If you only knew half of what you meant to me you'd be in love ❤️