If I write, then I usually stay up late night.
Most of the times, I don't think about good rhymes.
Sadly at last, I am wasting years thinking about my past.

There's something in my head, something on my mind.
Maybe it's another sad story which my brain just has designed.
But I see no reason to write it down, I rather have fun with this weird looking clown.
Everything feels so weird and strange, but at least I don't have to adapt to change.

I am nothing, but that's still something, not much not even a bit, but nothing.
A lot of these things might not make sense to you, but that's fine, not everything fits, just like my shoe.

Just a fading soul
may it contain all the strength
to arrive heaven

I don't want to die
can't see a reason to live
so what should I do

The sun is shining, we poets are rhyming.
Others might be out to bathe, but we fill our sheets with creative parts.
This is a thirty second writing, as I am freestyling the way I am diving.

I don't need to speak well or somewhat good, because I know that I'll just be misunderstood.
My Body is covered in scars, each of them are as unique as stars.
My Mind's a factory of creating problems and anxiety, but I am now telling myself, let them be.
If I can't change it, nobody can. I don't need your compassion as of it I've never used to be a fan.
My appearance is just a deception, I might look well and people think I won't need a correction.
But my true self hides below clothing and if someone would look beneath, their weak minds will be blowing.
I'd call myself strange at times, others do aswell, because they're not reading between the lines.
They see me as weak and helpless, but I've never had a reason to show my true strength, as most people aren't worth it and I feel no distress.
I can be anyone you want me to be, but maybe I am already someone you can't see.
I'd be better of if I'd care less but trust me I'll never end up being careless.
Everyone deserves something, but what's good and what's bad might some think.

I was born a warrior, even if I always faced defeat, I've never stopped to breathe. I've been trying hard and even if I failed, I've still been standing at last.

Over twenty years of sorrow and it seemed like nobody had some time to borrow. I had no goal in my life, but I've always been aiming to thrive. Many months, actually years, I've been wasting with wiping away my tears.

But every tear that I have dropped, was just another knowledge unlocked. A new chapter of my story, but all of them never ended with a sorry. My feelings were turned into stones and I could feel the pain passing through my bones.

Pain, tears and me, nobody will ever take us apart, because that's how it shall be. I've told myself that everything might change some day, and as long as my heart is beating I will stay.

I thought I will not cry, but now I am here.
and my eye is dropping a tear,
I am drowning my fear, with beer.

Thought I could handle this, but now I just miss.
Everyone, around me, nothing left.

You stole my heart and planned this theft.
I want it back, but it's gone for all this time.
I wish I could just report this as a crime.

Breaking me inside, even though there was no right.
What have I done wrong, why could we not get along.
Why does this pain last so long.

I just wanna leave, but you make my feelings deaf.
I thought you were my tree, holding to it's leaf.
But it just took a breeze, and it made me leave.

You beg me to forgive, but how should I forgive something like this.
You've broken me inside, tonight.
I always stood close to you, tight.

I am done, but now I feel so lonesome.
What does this mean, where have you been.
You've told me you were doing some important stuff, until I noticed that I wasn't enough.

Love isn't always nice,
it turned me as cold as ice
and my heart is freezing,
yet I am still breathing.

I just want to stop existing,
as I speak and you're not listening.

A hole deeper than the ocean and time passes in slow motion. I am falling down and the light is fading. I seem to lose my hope, as I see new problems waving.

I am close to hit the ground, to earth I will be bound.
I rather rise, but that's not possible in a world of ice and when I look in other peoples eyes, the only thing I see are lies.

There's nothing I could call my own, one of the reasons that I always feel alone, I've got a smile on my face, but I live my life with disgrace.

I remain silent, but my feelings almost feel violent.
There's a war inside my head, caused by many and it has not ended yet.

A victim of my own, and my heart feels like a stone.
I can't win a war inside my head, which is declared by and against me, if I could, I would just flee.

There's a gate, which can be unlocked anytime, but once it's open, there's no turning back, just take a sharp tool and end this life of a fool.

Life could've been so easy, but it was not for me,
it was filled with misery and it almost led me to a killing spree, but I am still here, thinking about many things, just as I end this text, my mood swings.

I am a sad lonely person, who long ago has lost her happy version.
It's been a while and I seem to have forgotten how to smile.
I may be too sensitive and darkness is everything that I might see
and I might have lost myself in there and with it my dignity.
I'd like to be more open and talk about a lot of things, preferably to an angel without wings.

I know my life isn't great and that there's worse and hope is my only resource.
I often feel like being in the wrong place and trying hard to fit in seems like a waste.
Why do I have to adapt to others to be normal and why can't I be myself, I really don't want to be another boring book in your shelf.
I am not easy and kinda strange, but I'd rather die before I change.

My mind is a chaos and causes a lot of confusion and I keep trying but I am starting to get tired of all these delusions.
I feel like I am breaking and my kindness often seems to be mistaken.
I am tired and putting myself to sleep, crying as always but maybe not that deep.
As I often wake up later on in tears, because I have dreamed about my fears.

I've got a lot on my mind, everything seems like it's falling apart.
But do I really have to choose between people, do people not deserve a new start.
Mistakes are made, everyone can do them at any given moment, but nobody really deserves endless torment.
I want to keep my friends and meet others aswell, putting me in such a position makes me feel like I am in hell.
I know that people sometimes are cruel and hate is their fuel.
But I believe that people can change, everything else would just feel strange.
I don't wanna judge people before I know them myself, but being told they're bad wants me to leave them unread like an uninteresting book in a shelf.
I feel like whatever I am going to do it'll be the wrong decision, but maybe that's only because I lack true vision.

If I would lose every connection, it would be called dedicated deception.
I'd ask myself this question, am I really in the right session?

I've thought about being tall, but people rather wanted me to stay small.
I've looked helpless for a moment, but when I called for help, I just faced torment.
Whenever I felt down, the people who would have shown, where only those who've thrown.

I just want to dream, and I rather don't want to be seen.
I've got hurt so many times, it felt like being captured in a crime.
Those people who've talked to me about love, acually always were rough.

I have no right to rule or demand, but would have loved it, to take someone's hand.
I just want to be respected, and not neglected by all those ******* crackheads.
But everything that happens to me, will be something I'll make you see,
and then you'll agree, that I was feeling like I had to flee.

I never had expected, that I would be distracted,
but I always did, when u acted, like I was accepted.

I've got used, and never really felt amused,
but does it matter, my mood changes like the weather.

Sometimes I cry so much, that my tears could drown you,
and I show my feelings, infront of you weaklings.
You're feeling strong, but actually are stupid all day long.

I've got beaten down, but I am here, picking up that crown.
Everyone of you always feels so high, but for me it's not even worth to sigh.
It might be sad to hear, but I've got used to my fear.

I am strong enough, to never give up, and I will never change,
I'll be the friend for those who need me, and maybe one day you'll understand and see,
that everyone who's around you,
is nothing but a dedicated deception, and you should ask yourself this question...
do you actually have any meaningful connection?

I can feel you're here, but you're nowhere near.
You're so far away but yet so close, I really want to overdose.
My heart's still beating and it makes me sad that you've stopped breathing.
I want to hold your hands right now, but I can't and that's making me feel so low.
You've been my everything and you'll forever be, I know you're now free.
I want to follow and meet you above, I want to give you my neverending love.
You didn't choose to break my heart and this really is only the start.
I can't imagine a life without you, but now I kinda have to get through.
I'll miss you and I will forever do, you're mine and I know you'll always love me too.
I wish everything was as simple as this text, but I am just scared of what happens next.
I'd love to feel your touch and soothing kiss, this will be something I'll forever miss.
I am thankful, though, for everything that we had, I just wish this wouldn't have had ended this bad.
I hope you'll look after me sometimes from up there, as I feel you blowing the wind through my hair.

A new day, sunny weather,
stressed out, just like any other,
but at least I can watch Harry Potter
and I am watching it on my own, because I was left alone.
Can't reach anyone at the phone, it's because I am alone.
I am sitting here, drinking my beer,
though that I don't really like it, am drowning my fear.
This might be a little weird, but I wish I had a man with a real beard, just like Hagrid.
I feel bored and yet amused, while I create this masterpiece, confused.
I am done with the movie and now have nothing to watch.
Done with my beer, ready for the scotch.
Slowly getting drunk, emptying the glas.
I think it was one too much, am gonna pass.
While I am busy pitying myself, I didn't notice the call.
Checking my phone, there's a message on it but it says nothing good at all.

'Hey You, I've been trying to reach you for hours now, but I guess you're busy with self-pitying yourself again and to be honest, I am tired of this, this is my final goodbye'

I am alone, yet in love. I am sitting here crying, thinking about you and inside I am dying.
Everything seems so perfect, but yet so fragile, I don't want this to last for just a while.
I want this to last forever, and I am here for you, whenever.
I don't want to share you with anyone, because I want to be the only one.

I feel like apologizing, but for what, you've turned me down and crushed my heart.
But I am still here weeping, because the pain is something I might be needing.
You probably will be angry, and I think that's fine, because you care and you're mine.
Someday I'll be gone, but until this happens I won't feel lonesome.

You're sometimes really dark, but true love will light us up like a little spark.
I trust you and I will forever do, you're my everything and I love you.
You've been giving me everything that I needed but sometimes things got a little heated.
Today has been a weird day, but I'll stay and I hope you'll too, okay?

You're my dream, not only when I am sleeping but also when I am awake.
Opening myself to you, talking about my problems surely wasn't a mistake.
I am thankful for everything you've been giving me so far.
And our love will last as long as the distance from earth to a faraway star.

I can't think about anything else but you, I value you so much, you don't even have a clue.
I can't live without you, neither would I want that to be clear.
I wish you'd be able to hug me and forgive me my dear.

Very good because I am not bad and now I am good and good is good and bad is bad that's why I feel good and not bad because to feel bad isn't really good that's why I rather feel good than bad, like I mean having good feelings are always better than bad feelings, that's why I always try to feel good and not bad, so yes I am really good because today I don't feel so bad, that's pretty good right, also there are days where I feel really bad and that's not so good, but it should be good I mean if I don't feel bad then it would be good, you know like bad feelings are just bad so as I said I do kinda aim for a good feeling, you know yes, so I feel good I think, but I am not really sure could be kinda bad aswell, how are you doing?

The world is a bad place for a good soul, yet we can ignite like burning coal.
Fire in our eyes, we can make their heartbeats rise, within shady lies.
We pretend to know, but we're moving far to slow, since lies freeze us into ice.

Gotta help someone out, then I can feel proud -
But should I really feel that way, is it really good to say?

If I'd be in need, I'd look for a hand that feeds,
I would be kind, and would not have any bad things on my mind.

I've got used so many times, but I never noticed it.
Trapped inside a shell, never cracked and never escaped, because it had a hard shape.

Sometimes I think about me, who is stuck inside this misery.
I can't live, but at least I survive, even though the knife is my only friend in Life.

I hide my tears, living with my fears, but I smile, since I don't want others to worry,
it's just a normal day, me writting a letter and acting to feel better, but whatever.

I am trying to help people, always and whenever I can, but when they tell me to take care of myself, I could cry and ask myself, why don't you take care of me and why do I have to do it for you, where's the logic, where are you, when you need me I am here, but I am alone and I have to take care of my own fear.

We could live a happy life, but since the world is a bad place for a good soul, we will never be together and our days will be as dark as crows.

The noise I hear is just an illusion, I fear.
When I cross the road and drop a tear, a smile tries to appear on my face and people look at me with disgrace.

The reason I smile is because it's fun that nobody reaches up after a while and why should I care, if people only stare.

I just want to be here, what do they have to fear?
Do I get in their way or they in mine, is living in the same city now a crime?
To question is insane because the silence will remain.

They've got nothing to say and I won't ever go away.
I can treat them right or wrong but it doesn't matter because we'd never get along.

These looks tell me more than books. It seems like I should leave but this won't happen as long as I breathe. It's my life and my decision and I really couldn't care less about their vision.

Everyone around me stays silent as if speaking up equals violent.
I have nothing to offer, neither am I willing to take, just respect eachother for God's sake.

I am living a nightmare, but who would actually care.
What or who am I to you, probably nothing and I know that this is true.
I am walking the way alone, hoping for someone being there for me before my last hopes are getting blown.

I trust everyone and that's a big mistake, I should just care about myself for ******* sake. But I am weak and just want people to understand, that's the only thing I would call my demand.

But who am I to a random, I am living the life of a phantom.
Nobody really wants to see me, but this need of love will never leave me be.

I should just leave the way, before my hopes turn me gray and I don't want to suffer in a world of ignorance, that's my true stance.
If you ever need my help, don't hesitate to ask, because I won't wait until you yelp.

I feel lonely and I will forever be.
What is this life, what is this agony.
Do I deserve to breathe, is there somebody who'd care if I leave.
I don't think there is, I just want to close my eyes.
And never wake up, and then either fall or rise.
Take me to heaven or to hell, because this earth is not for me to dwell.
My life is heartbreaking, who could be the one to take my heart in.
I am confused and depressed, there's no second passed where I don't feel stressed.
A smile on my face would be something I want, and sometimes I feel jealous cause I see others while I can't.
I just want to close my door and enter a new world, then hide in my bed and be in the blanket curled.
I know I won't give up and I will forever look forward and it doesn't matter how long it'll take or if it's hard.
Maybe to continue living might be a mistake, but I will never find out until I truly break.
I'll stay here till the lights turn off, hoping to find real love.

lies
obsession
violence
exhausting

There's one thing that bothers me my entire life, it's not you or anyone else, but me
I feel so powerless, helpless and weak, even though that is what I should seek.
I can't contain this damage any longer, it has to fade and I want others to see that those problems are eating on me.

But who should I tell about myself, I am like a forgotten book in a shelf.
There's no one gonna take me out, untouched and dusty.
I wish I could erase these pages which hurt me the most, because these negative ones are the host.
I am a garden full of dead flowers thirsty for water but all they get are my salty tears, they're drowning together with my fears.

I cannot sleep at night cause I am alone and inside myself ignites a fight.
Why can I not be like everyone else, happy and living without disgrace.
I am depressed, stressed and I can confess that I don't ever felt blessed.
I don't believe in god, someone else or even me.
I've lost myself years ago and with it my dignity.

Feeling so cold and alone, I could be a reference to a stone. My heart torn apart, not filled with love but shards. I can't look forward anymore, because all that I can see is the past within me. A thousands times I was hurt, been standing alone at the court of a judgemental source. I've got your word and all these from those others too, but it wasn't ever worth, well that's actually also nothing new.

If I could speak, I would yell out my hate and every single word which got thrown, I might not be able to make any noises, but trust me I will always remember these voices. YOU'RE STUPID, yes I know. YOU'RE NOTHING, if that's what you say, YOU'RE USELESS ANYWAY.

One night I was dreaming, but woke up because I heard my mother screaming. I've been sneaking to their room, and I was silently standing there, but everything I saw was our doom. I saw my mother with a knife, she was about to take my father's life. She was helpless and she couldn't continue anymore, so I saw my father dropping to the floor. She looked at me because I started crying, and when she saw me shaking, I could feel her heart breaking.

She pulled out the knife of my father's chest, and shoved it between her *******, but before she did, she has spoken her lasts words. She also dropped to the floor, both were death, I was still standing at the door, hearing nothing but my own breath. Since this day I've remained silent and didn't ever say a single word, instead I put my thoughts and feelings on paper, while writing this text from the psychiatry as a self proclaimed psychedelic shaper.

Close your eyes and look through all the lies.
Listen to your heart and melt the ice, don't be scared and break through your disguise.
You're not worthless and definitely not worth less.
Don't hide yourself behind your mask, it's easy to say and I know it's not a simple task.
But it doesn't matter how often you end up crying, as long as you're not giving up and continue trying.
It may seem impossible and sometimes it might actually be, but you're still a human with dignity.
We may not know eachother and might never get close, but we could always try, that's what I'd propose.
If you're lonely and feel sad, send me a message and I promise you it won't be that bad.
I am here trying to cover my wounds, but they're all off grounds.
I can't find myself seeing them any time soon, but I can feel them roaming like a typhoon.
Everything matters, but nothing really does, who am I to tell, oh right a nobody, that rings a bell.

I've got no idea what to write, it feels like every idea wants to hide.
But I am diggin' deep, until I fall asleep, while sitting here tight.
I am stressed out, but may not speak that out loud, since I want you to be proud.

This part kinda ******, well as I said my mind is kinda f*cked.
Not everday I can perfom at my best, sometimes I just need a little rest.
So I might want to confess, I am currently not making any progress.

It's late in the night, soon the sun brings us back the light.
I feel kinda tired, but I don't want to give up now, even if my eyelids drop low.
My brain is working hard, as I see sunshine appearing in the front yard.

So early, but yet so late, I guess my readers actually do have to wait.
Obviously this wasn't serious, I don't want them to be furious.
Everyone knows that I am a mastermind, as I present you this new poem, which I just have designed.

I hope you really enjoy reading, this last part shouldn't really be missleading.
I don't think that good about myself, I ain't better than anyone else.
So I am done with the whole, and now I have reached my goal.

Life's just a **** show, writing this while feeling low.
My mood is dropping, changing yet so often.
Trying to survive and to move on from my past, but it's the only thing that sometimes is my guest.
Get out of my head, leave me be. I am trying, can't you see.

Nothing matters, everything stays the same, I am only getting older and I think that's lame.
My life's passing by, there's nothing to hold on, but hold on.
Depressions everyday, waking up at midnight, everything around me is dark and gray.
I am afraid, I wish I could just fix myself, but there's nothing to start with and the pain never comes to late.

Here I am passing by, passing by until the day I die.

I am writing late night, late night, because I cannot keep up the fight.

I am drowning in my feelings, my feelings are unbreakable sealings.

There's something in my heart, in my heart and it feels like it's falling apart, apart.

The motivation to keep on going, has stopped growing, there's nothing worthy left, it will be an eternal rest.

But I can't allow myself to quit, to quit, because I am not the person who's gonna give up too quick, too quick.

So... Here I am passing by, passing by until the day I die.

You're gone, I won't see you anymore.
I started crying when I heard that you have left.  

Am speechless, because of you.
Am drowning in my tears, because of you.
Am driving insane, because of you.
But without you, I'd not be here.
It's all because of you.

Started from the bottom, and haven't ever seen a glimpse of light.
Was wandering in the darkness, and met you in the night.

You've gave me your hand, and with it your heart.
It felt like a bridge and you've offered me a new start.

You just were there, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
Someone reaching out to me, but I was tired of all these lies.

I've asked you, if you will never leave and let me alone.
You've answered 'No', in such a breathtaking and charming tone.

You've got me up, and brought me over this bridge.
Felt a smile appearing on my face, and didn't even feel a single stitch.

It was so good and it felt so right,
thank you for meeting you, at this lonely night.

But now you're gone, we've not been together for very long.
I am about to cry, why has it to be you who had to die.

Am speechless, because of you.
Am drowning in my tears, because of you.
Am driving insane, because of you.
But without you, I'd not be here.
It's all because of you.

I'll always be in love with you, it's because of you.

I am a pure entity of destruction, I can probably blame my eduction. My parents didn't treat me well, the reason for that, well - I've been a special kind of child, I wasn't nice but wild. I've got my problems here and there, got used by them, yeah. I am not scared or ashamed to talk about my feelings, they ain't no sealings.

There's nothing for me to break, since I am all wide open, like my scars on my arms bleeding while my heart's already broken. I've got a reason to live, and that's the fear of death, and I still own my breath.

If I could change one **** thing, it would still be almost everything. I am looking for a little bit of love, but I can't wait for heaven to send an angel from above.

Oh lord, give me a sign, or just say one word.
Do you really exist or is everything just absurd.
I've been told that you're a saviour and you're against hate,
and I am here crying and wishing for satan to fade,
but he remains inside my head, he wants me to be dead.

I live like a fool, and I just feel like a tool.
They've got everything they needed, but I am still undefeated, because how shall you win against a sin.

I am standing outside on my balcony, it's late night, cold and I am freezing.
I hold a cigarret in my hand and it's poison is what I am breathing.
I am aware of it, that it can be deadly, but I still consume.
It's because I am addicted, and afflicted but afterwards I'll just get back into my room.

Returning, but my lungs are still burning.
It feels good, for a while, until you realise that you might die.
But who cares, everything you do might be deadly, and it's dreadly.

There's nothing right, neither there's something wrong,
it depends on the persons opinion.

You should not judge, neither critisize, rather respect and understand.
Because that's what you'd prefer in the end.

I am going for another one, the last one wasn't enough.
Outside again, still freezing and again I am breathing.
I can feel the poison inside of me, it's noxious and obnoxious.
But for some reason I still enjoy, it must be a ploy.

I am an empty body with no feelings, it feels like my emotions are beneath tons of sealings.
I can't laugh, I can't cry, I just want to say good bye.
I've been hurt, used and left alone, now writing this text while listening to a sad tone.

I have no purpose, no meaning. My Life feels like a nightmare which I am eternally dreaming.
I can't wake up, cause I am not asleep. Everything feels so unreal but yet hurts so deep.
I am locked in my room, I can't see the sun, cause my curtains are closed and so am I, just waiting for the day I die.

  I have nobody around, cause everyone just leaves me at some point and I guess that's fine, as I am dropping a tear in my glass of wine.
I want to go out and live my life, but I have no strength or any motivation.
I rather sit here the entire day and question my creation.

I hate nobody, but that's me. As I am hating myself the nobody.
I can't even think straight or logically anymore, as my heart feels so sore.
I was trying to escape negativity, but it always caught up.
I wasn't fast enough and at some point I've stopped moving.
I've accepted my life, I know it will not change as I am finally giving up on this hope I held.

I am a demon,  who's causing your internal bleeding.
You've made contract with me, I did not force you to agree.
Just once you wanted to feel strong, but I shatter these mortals all along.
I am in charge of your body, having full control, that's my hobby.
I can do everything with your soul, it will burn like coal.

Tasty, how I am feasting on your miserable feelings.
You beg me to leave, but not as long as you breathe.
Death, that's the only way out, there's nothing else, I doubt.
I can feel your body aching, but soon the pain will be fading.
Just end your agony already, suicide is the only thing which is necessary.

Don't try to resist, look at you, you can't even endure to exist.
I am waiting for the moment, for you to yell: PLEASE END THIS TORMENT.
Let me fulfill your wish, I am giving you the Death's Kiss.
These are the last seconds for you and finally you got through.
Now I am unleashed, this time I'll remain undefeated.

Your life will lead into a dead end, after mine I'll become a legend. I will not be forgotten, while your body is down there rottin', nobodys gonna remember and I'll be crashing through your head like the planes on the 11th september.

I am relevant and am able to do everything you can't.
The only thing you do is screaming, while locking yourself up in a mental prison and losin' the key matching the sealing.

I am the champion of my state of mind, yours made you a puppet and got you stuck on rewind. I wake up every day and enjoy everything I do, you wake up every night thinking about killing yourself but aren't brave enough to pull through.

If I face problems I am not looking away cause I am the only one allowed to stay and you can't even handle the smallest pressure, your life really isn't much of a pleasure.

I'll die with a smile and yours died long ago, but then I tell myself, is that really so? We're cursed and followed by impiety, cause we share the same body but not the same life, mind and Personality. You're inside my head and sometimes take control over me, but that doesn't make you me.

I will not surrender, I will fend her with my life.
Even if I am already dying inside, it's alright.

My heart's broken and so is my soul
but I won't give up on life, at least not on the whole.

I'll hope and I will forever be,
and nothing will ever change me.

I am staying myself and so should everyone else, it's not worth changing for someone you love, cause they won't love the real you and I hope everyone knows that too.

We all are unique, special and different
and we should stay true to ourselves till the bitter end.

No one has the right to push you around, so raise your voice and tell them out loud.