As I read everyone's writes
I try to find pieces
I can believe are mine
And thoughts I wish were hers

The fantasy is appealing,
Imaginary healing
But it'll never be quite right,
So I'm back to real life

Do you think
I could
make something
beautiful
if I tried?

Do you think
it could move
hearts
and
minds?

Do you think
I have it in me
to show
everyone
how I feel
in spite
of my fear
of everything
real?

Do you think
if I reveal just
who
I
am,
anyone
will still
love me?

Do you think
once my
breath
is gone
from my
freshly-tarred
lungs,
anyone will
miss me?

Just about every day at work
I find myself taking a break
I walk up the stairs and down the hall
I go in the bathroom and choose a stall

Then I'm alone
And then I can cry

****, girl, it makes me sick
I took a genuine interest in you
Sharing songs
Concerned for your health
Got along so well
Had so much fun
Cuddled close
Intimacy of body, heart, and mind

But go back to this *******,
This ******* *****
This man-child who thinks he's got a big ****
This guy who treats you like ****
***** whoever he wants and won't quit
When he goes to rap shows you think he's tame?
You think he's respectful and doesn't play games?
*******, you've gotta be blind
He just does whatever's on his mind
He can't love you the way you need
He's out for himself
He doesn't care if you bleed
The lies he tells!
I told one lie
It knocked you to the floor
Why so much pain from one lie of mine?
Could it be because I'm actually real?
This ******* does **** all the time
He gets a pass
Don't you suffer from that?
Or do you just avoid looking at that?
Shield your eyes?
Numb your heart?
Leave your spoken word unfinished
*** it might show how you feel
Is that called working it out?
You give him everything
And deny yourself?

I've got plenty of hurt
But don't give it a thought
Somehow I'll manage to go without
You, though, if you keep asking for pain
I'm beginning to think it might **** you one day

I'm sitting next to her,
my arm around her,
her resting on me,
on the couch.
She's comfortable,
she's relaxed.
Her gaze meets mine.

Her lips don't quiver.
There's no fire in her eyes.
There's not a frown,
a smile,
a smirk,
raised or furrowed brows.

There's just a slight hint of something beneath her casual calm.
She may barely even know it's there.
And her lips never move, but I hear a whisper.

"Love me"

I know
you're not reading this
Not right now
But I want to say
I'm trying
to process things
I'm trying
to figure you out
And to see
if there might be
something to this
If you might be
someone I could be with
Someone that might
light me up
someday
Can you communicate
on my level?
I mean
Can you speak to my
sadness
that I sometimes live with
Or is that a place
you don't want to go
Because so far
we're just kind of
having fun
which is good
But I will need more
Because
I don't come
packaged neatly
with a bow
Not anymore.

I recorded this off the cuff.

http://youtu.be/btVqiO-hgPI

I just want you to know
that
I think about you all the time
and
it doesn't matter what music's playing
I write lyrics to that song
and it's always about you
It's not always love
Sometimes it's pain
Most of the time it's pain
It's regret
about the way I handled
everything that happened
It's about
Wishing that I'd been stronger
It's about
Wishing that
I'd been able to keep it
in my ******* pants
It's about wishing
that I could just be your friend
And let things start over again
It's about wishing that
you'd have wanted to move
a few miles
instead of across half the country
to a state that I know you don't
want to live in
except for him
But it's always about you
I always think about you