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you were the night,
a cold, endless night.
a quiet weight that settled over everything,
pressing down on the edges of my world,
until each step was a struggle,
as if gravity conspired to keep me still.

the stars, though present, offer no solace.
their dim lights flicker with uncertainty,
as if the night itself is losing hope.
each twinkle now felt like a whisper of things slipping away,
as the brightest seems to be on the verge of fading into nothing.

but still, i waited.
i waited because the faint glow on the horizon
felt like a promise.
and i told myself that i could endure the dark
if it meant seeing the light.

the hours stretched, unyielding,
each moment dragged slower than the last.
i held my breath, counting the seconds,
only to find that time had betrayed me—
the dawn never came.

somewhere in the stillness,
i realized the truth:
the night was not meant to end.
it would linger, unbroken,
swallowing hope in its quiet expanse.

the cold crept in,
not sudden, not sharp—
'twas a slow, deliberate ache
that settled into the crevices of my bones,
a chill i could never escape.

was it my faith for tomorrow's morning
that made the darkness so vast,
or had i been destined to
lose myself in the shadows?

i'll never know.

but here, in the heart of the longest night,
i learned that some battles aren’t meant to be won.
some lights fade because they must,
and a deafening silence exists
to be a reminder of what it means to ache.

and now, as the cold breeze whispers through me,
i don’t wait for the sun anymore.
i’ve learned that not all endings are warm,
some simply disappear,
like a sigh into the void.
Three years of love, now cast away,
A fleeting dream that couldn’t stay
To me, those moments felt sublime,
Yet you see them as a wasted time.

  Oct 2024 solace and sorrow
Av
There is freedom in isolation,
in being idle and invisible,
where one could sit in muteness,
swim widely in dusk and ask,
"Am I really here,
if no one is around to see?"
A different kind of suicide

There is pleasure in being a shadow,
in pretending you don't exist,
to avoid acting like you do

Solitude isn't a time for me
to let myself free
but rather a time to free myself
from who I am

Outside the confinement of company,
I am anyone and anything,
I am someone else, somewhere else
I am alive,
but I am no one
I am alone

a.r.
Derail your anxious train of thought

Open your inner spirit

And enter the dream corridor
like a leaf from a tree in its dying season

Coma come quiet
Airless linger delight

Sacrificial pasts
give you the power
to leave places

The world won't get better
but you will
Head's heavy, eyes can't open wide
Cramps twist like a knot inside,
But sleep's a dream I am denied.
Headaches, menstrual cramps and drowsiness from meds are the worst combination to have. Can't take more meds or my liver would suffer
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