I try to block out the negative parts of you I don’t want to exist,
But the longer I exist with you the longer they persist,
And soon instead of saying, “I love you” and “I sincerely miss”,
I’ll only be in the relationship for the cuddles and the kiss.
I really hope it doesn’t come to this,
Just the thought removes my bliss,
And my sadness grows like my cyst,
On my ****, but please continue, I insist.
Continue the love that you give to me,
I’ll accept all parts of you regardless the fee,
You’re more than a snack, you’re my little treat,
You’re more than my world, you’re all I want to perceive.
You’re my universe, my everything, my all,
You’re the biggest part of my life, not standing tall,
Short and cute, you are, like your hair in the breeze,
I love you, please don’t leave me, you got me on my knees.

I beg of you,
Don’t leave,
For if you left,
I wouldn’t be myself,
I would flee,
Yet here I am,
In the same spot,
In the same lot,
With the same thoughts,
Knowing this would happen,
Sadly, I’ve been caught,
In loves powerful grasp,
Loves top-notch trap,
I don’t want to leave,
This prison cell,
Although I plead,
I will not yell,
For I want to be,
With you forever...
Please don’t leave.

I feel like I could write a book full of poetry,
A hook that lasts for centuries,
A body meant for you,
And a chorus that was meant for me.

I could do all of this today,
While you all just sleep away,
The potential you’ve earned,
Watching your hair turn gray.

I could write a simple line,
Then I have seven, eight, nine,
More pages full of glee,
Full of all my poetry.

But I wouldn’t stop there,
I would quickly be aware,
That I’m still feeling the vibe,
That makes me want to share.

Sharing whatever feelings,
Whatever my mind is currently reeling,
In from the abyss,
Currently,
All I can think about,
Is the one,
I love,
The one,
I miss.

I’m sorry I’m depressed,
I haven’t confessed,
My love for any other girl,
In this God forsaken world,
So the simple fact,
That I told you I love you,
Simply didn’t lack,
The truth and its virtues.

I’m sorry I’m always jealous,
When I came to earth, they didn’t tell us,
That it would be this hard,
At least all the cards,
That life has dealt me,
And I know your cards as well,
Has made us pay a bitter fee,
That feels like a living hell.

I’m sorry I’m so big,
My ego is a hungry pig,
Searching for a mouthful,
Of praise which is doubtful,
When I’m too cocky,
And oh, another thing, while I’m thinking and sitting,
I’m sorry my ****’s stocky,
And oftentimes has trouble fitting.

I’ve got a cute girlfriend and *** is a norm,
But depression rolls in like an impeding storm,
Freezing my body in a cool sense of warm,
A mediocre stasis that has my life torn,
Torn T-shirts that I haven’t even worn,
Here I am wishing that I was never born,
Two beef sausages and a side of corn,
As I sit, no pants, and the TV playing ****,
Basically, my life is pretty **** normal,
Not casual, yet a lot less formal,
Soon I’ll be done, thank God I’m not immortal,
Please no heaven or hell, just a portal,
Straight to the abyss of absolute nothing,
No feeling or emptiness or sensual touching,
I long for this now, because I am not rushing,
Towards deaths pleasant hold that I mistook for hugging,
A sharp grasp death has, but only for a second,
For pain is only ever briefly beckoned,
In the grand scheme of earth and its myths and its legends,
And its terrors and its faults and its teachers and its lessons,
I guess I should try and move and feel,
Step away from addiction and eat my meal,
I am here now and all of this is real,
Yet I will continue to keep emotions concealed,
Cause I know that no one wants to deal,
With my mental states and possible death,
That may come to be just like the rest,
Of other teens that gave up their life,
Cause they couldn’t handle the emotional strife,
I put on an act, a face, a mask,
And go on with my boring-*** menial tasks. /:

Hey, it’s been a while, nice to see yuh,
I didn’t think that due time I’d have to greet yuh,
It’s been three years, 2 months, and a day,
Now I’m feeling speechless and I don’t know what to say,
You came around the corner so ******* fast,
An immediate blow to the head and blast to the ***,
I wish you didn’t have the ***** to come back around,
I’d lost you for a while, but now you’ve been found,
Found under the influence, influenced underground,
Away from the police, so I pop at least a pound,
Of fentanyl, morphine, ******, and coke,
I mean, “Please don’t come for me, this is all a joke”,
If they ask if I want some, I always say nope,
Deadliest drug I ever did was dope,
I didn’t even use the **** **** to cope,
I hated the feeling and hated the smoke,
I used the stuff to sit a socialize,
And I despised my girl smoking with other guys,
I am selfish and constantly jealous,
She would be confused, sit me down and say “Tell us...”,
“Tell us why it pains you to see me this way”,
I said, “Girl, it’s destroying your lungs every day”,
So I stopped using and she kept going,
With guys and girls with or without knowing,
If she is safe and indoors or scared and outside,
Either way I’m worrying with fears like the tide,
Not as intense during day, but insane during night,
I was manipulative and stupid one day,
I asked her choose between smoking and me,
She made me cry and chose the ****,
So now I’m stuck up high in a tree,
Contemplating suicide and for some reason you’re here,
Meeting me again and telling all my fears,
That I’m a ***** and I dont deserve,
This life and it’s glory, man, you have the nerve,
That I had to ask the stupid question,
That ended it all and let’s not even mention,
That she was attracted to every other guy,
And said it was normal and constantly lied,
Depression is back, that is your name, right?,
Been a while old friend, I don’t think I’ll fight,
I’ll let you take over once again,
I think you and I could be pretty good friends.

I did it. I made it! I got this far. The end of school, the beginning of a car, a job, a house, a family. My mom’s asking how did he graduate, but not proudly. She thought I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I can’t understand what she saw in me, man. What gave her false hopes and negative dreams. What made her pull out her hair and tear at the seams. Through the binder reams, all homework was finished. All F’s diminished. My fears were the thinnest. I knew I would pass, but couldn’t prove it to her. She bought me a tutor to help with my future, but my obvious demise was coming all the sooner. No matter what, she saw me as a loser and kicked me out of the house so ******* abrupt. Just packed my bags and through out my stuff while I was away at some friends party. I could’ve argued with her, but honesty, I hardly cared for my own safety at this point. I was still rolling joints. Still hurting myself. Called up my friends and went with the twelfth plan on my list if I ever got kicked out by an unfair mighty fist. This plan was to sleep on a bench at a school. It was thirty degrees below my sense of cool and right now I just wanted to cry, and hug my baby and tell her goodbye. I wanted to leave this god awful world. What did I do wrong? Do I deserve my girl? As these thoughts were running through my head, my dad called me up and said, “Thank God you aren’t dead.” You can live with me, cause your mom is a ***** who only adores the cores of “scores” and obviously ignores yours. I ended up sleeping on the bench and four days later I’m still sleeping in my stench. No friends could house me and my dad didn’t care. My phone was dead and just my baby was aware of the horrible situation my mom put me in, so she told me to come over, I knocked, said, “Let me in.” She opened her window and had me sneak in, I finally had shelter so of course I started sleepin’. I was caught a few hours later by her dad, who wasn’t mad, but actually glad she had taken in a stray. It almost seemed like I made her dads day. Her dad was gay and looked the other way. The only parent in the house didn’t care that I was there and he went to work later. He does special effects. Me and my baby stayed home all day and had ***. I always gotta switch it up at some point in my poems. Probably because my mind wanders and roams. I might get *****, cause I’m a super freak. Now I’m done with this one. Gotta go take a leak.

Losing you would be the end of me.
I couldn’t deal with that atrocity.
Sometimes I think you don’t understand, so I must find a way to reprimand.
I close myself off.
Anxiety fills me.
I ain’t making laws, but you think that these bills be controlling you.
Manipulation.
But I just want a simple stipulation.
An understanding of the sorts.
So I don’t have to feel this pain.
You’ll stop other painful activities when I ask.
But when it comes to smoking, I’m the one to blame.